I am weary

[Beebs48]

My mom had major bipolar and was in and out of hospitals my entire life. Her last 20 years were spent in rest homes.
My eldest son had bipolar and is 27 years old. He is living with me right now, he had no place else to go. He has been here for nearly a year, it was supposed to be temporary. He refuses meds or counseling. He has a bad temper but hasn't hit me. Just cusses and has temper issues. In his teens he pushed me around some and i don't totally know what he'll do when mad enough. He doesn't work and spends his time on computer games or sleeping. I can barely support myself, much less him. Social Security has turned him down so he has no insurance, so no help. I don't know where to go from here. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around him. I have hit so many brick walls with the broken mental health system. Hard not to feel hopeless.

[medicmommy]

You certainly are in a tough spot -and so is he...Tough love doesn't always get the results you hope for, but does get their attention...I think those who enable their loved ones often do it for their own survival...From a person on the outside looking in...Here's something to consider...What is going to happen to him when you are gone? If you suddenly died tomorrow, what would he do? If he got hungry and cold enough, he'd find a way to survive. He's 27 years old and has the rest of his life ahead of him. He will have to live without your support sooner or later and needs to have his depression addressed. Shut off the video games, get his arse off the sofa, and get him outside raking leaves or whatever. I know, easier said than done, but if he is allowed to stagnate, he will never change or become independent of your support. This sounds quite harsh, but it is the reality of his situation...I feel for you. Please seek support for yourself whether it be on-line or from a more professional source. This will be an uphill battle, and he will not appreciate the change of having his comfortable situation challenged. He needs to get on with his life despite having depression. (((((((((((((((((HUGZ))))))))))))))))))~MM

[Beebs48]

You are right..it is very mentally exhausting. It's like my son isn't sick enough for help, not well enough to function in the work world, not rich enough for good Doctors and not poor enough for the county mental heath system. They want him on Medicaid to see him consistantly and he wasn't approved. I am appealing that which takes a lot of time but I have to keep trying. If he abused alcohol or drugs it would be easier to find him help, very frustrating.

I am glad tough love is working for you. I am trying, though folks say I enable him. He is not street smart and I can't just put him out. He has no friends, no money, and there are no shelters in our county. I feel like I can't win for losing!

[medicmommy]

First of all...((((((((HUGZ))))))) I know what it feels like to be a supporter of a BP person and the walking on eggshells and mental exhaustion that goes with it...Depending on where you live, you may have resources available to help that you don't know about. I can imagine you have been through doctors, counselors, and probably hospitals as well...Has he ever been evaluated by a Mental Health Professional? (Used for crisis intervention.) If he's determined to be "chronically gravely disabled" (unable to care for himself because of disorganized thought processes, has debilitating depression, etc.) it is much easier to get the SSI/ disability support going. Keep at it. If you are in a large city, contact the drug and alcohol rehab centers to see if there is a place where he can live with his BP and be monitored (group home type setting). He probably won't like it but, as I'm rapidly learning, caring and protecting too much can actually interfere with getting a BP to "own" their illness and realize that they have an illness that can be managed. My husband is BP and its taken me 22 years of walking on eggshells to realize that "tough love" is sometimes necessary and promotes health...I can feel my escaping sanity returning....:) You can still be an advocate without being an enabler...(((HUGZ))))~MM