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Just feeling awful today

Hi, just joined this community, noticed when im feeling  like shyte looking online can help. been really manic for the last couple weeks as a whole, but have had lows thrown in after somethings touched a nerve. recently when I've felt a low coming on it's like iv'e got narcolepsy lol, I just seem to instantly get tired and fall asleep, then usually feel a bit better when I wake up. Then usually getting manic within a couple hours.

So, my sleepings been around the wrong way for a few  weeks now , isn't too much of a problem as im unable to works atm, but I do distance learning through the Open University. It's good cus when im manic I can do a months worth of study in a week, then when I hit a low I don't have to feel pressure to study.
Anyway what brings me here today, woke up at 11pm as per usual, started working up to mania about 6am, but then it really pushed over the edge, not mania anymore. rocking, clasping my head in my hands, feeling absolutely awful. haven't felt that way for years. definitely felt like psychosis coming on again. feeling like people can here my thoughts, being watched ect. Doesn't help that I do actually have a ghost in my house/ flat/ apartment. (that's not the crazy lol, stuff falls off shelf's goes missing, bumps and bangs).

Anyway it wan't mania, not depression as such. I don't know, really intense and scary.

feeling slightly tearful now but a bit calmer, came on here, erad some of what others are feeling and left a few posts. have wanted to join a community like this for awhile now, so hopefully i'll be back when I feel the need.
Thank you to anybody who has taken the time to ead, hope your holding up, and remember, however bad you feel it will change soon..... great. lol
Jenny
4 Responses
973741 tn?1342342773
Hi Jenny welcome to the forum.  Sorry you had that scary experience this morning.  What is going on right now? Do you have outside stress more than usual?  Why do you say there is a ghost in your flat?  

The big questions . . .  how long have you been diagnosed with bipolar and do you take any medication to help?  How is your support system in your life?
Avatar universal
Oh, Jenny, I am so sad to hear about how you are suffering with this. I do understand because I have had bipolar all my life and have had psychosis many times. It is unspeakable. You definitely seem to be having ultra rapid cycling like me, and it is totally exhausting. Last night I was on top of the world, even singing to myself around the house. Then this morning, I was so depressed I thought I wouldn't ever get out of bed but had to go out. Now that I am back, I just can't stop weeping. Awful. Now tonight, who knows?

As you know it is really important to get healthy sleep. Often so hard. I would love to know if you are on any medications? I take Trazadone for sleep which seems to work pretty well. Sometimes, I also take Restoril which assures me of a good night's sleep. If you are unable to get this, you can use Benadryl extra strength OTC. Some people just use Melatonin but is does nothing for me. Please try to get your sleep patterns worked out. Go to bed at the same time every night, and wake up at the same time every morning. Write it down, or set your cell phone to remind you. I think you may be sleeping in the day time. Although you are so tired and longing for a nap, please try to resist, get up and go for a walk outside to revive you. Then you will probably sleep well at night.

I do hope you have a good psychiatrist who is helping you will medication. You should definitely be taking a mood stabilizer like Depakote, Lithium, Lamictal, and there are several others. And you sound as if you definitely need an anti-pychotic for some relief from all your horrible experiences with ghosts etc.

At the moment I am having a weird time with coincidences. When I read or write a word or phrase, it appears exactly the same on TV right at that very moment. It happens all the time. Yesterday, I was looking at a web site on line and was reading about a girl named Christie who was ill, then I looked up and the very same thing, same name etc. was being said on TV. It is a bit disturbing to say the least. Of course, nobody believes you but I have no doubt whatsoever that this is happening. Perhaps I am more sensitive to these things than other people?

Are you getting therapy? I am sure a good therapist could help you. Try a therapist that does talking therapy so that you can just have a good conversation with somebody professional who will listen and know what to do to help you with this.

Please keep writing on here and let us know how you are doing.
3 Comments
Thank you so much for answering Maureen and specialmum, I didn't think anyone would, im really sorry to hear about the tv thing, I know what you mean though, ive had the tv speaking to me and mocking me, like breakfast tv and the news, so I could only watch pre-recorded stuff.
Im trying to get my sleep sorted,  im still convinced ive got a ghost in my flat, I know the previous tenant overdosed and passed away here. but its not the ghost (Paddy) that scares me, more the paranoia and stuff.
I was diagnosed last spring and take lamotragine and fluxotine, Maureen talking about coincidences I met a women called Maureen last night, kinda freaked out that might be you now, t was at a local bipolar support group I had found the same day.
Thank you both for asking how I am now, im a lot better, though im being carefull not to do things that might push me over, I get anxious quite easily.

I'm not sure about the concidences as I don't know how they 'feel' if you know what I mean? like supernatural, or the t'v's watching you truman show style? I would like to think there's a higher power keeping us on a path, but when its just random little things its kinda creepy. just try and stay calm,  I always think (especially when you think it might be supernatural) not to look scared or act scared, and try not to feel scared because of negative energy and like attracts like and stuff.

also I don't have any psychiatrist and aren't even seeing a mental health worker, yesterday at this support group they said I should push the doctor for one and im going to. The group made me feel better, reminded me there are nice people, that I could be brave and do things and things will get better. im in control. to some extent...
I will keep coming back on here, I feel reading about how people feel really helps me when im having a wobble, like now I can get up to make a drink and can concentrate on a tv programme for 20 minutes.


Thank you both again so much for both taking the time to read and answering,
Jenny
xxx
Hi Jenny, I am so glad that you are feeling a little better. You certainly sound as if you are gaining more control over your life. Don't hesitate to write again if you want to talk. Maureen
I'm very happy the replies from other BP members could help you feel better.   Glad too the support made you feel better.  I too believe in a higher power  Yes there are caring people including me.
973741 tn?1342342773
Hi there.  I was thinking about you and sure do hope you come back and tell us how you are doing.  hugs
3 Comments
Hi - thanks for the invitation! I have got rather addicted to Quora a fab. website and it is taking up far too much of my time. But I shall definitely drop in here and there. I hope all is well with you. I admire all the help you give people on here. Hugs
I hope you get this note Specialmom. I have just remembered why I don't like this site. I object to answering posts that are 10 years old. Admin. tried to reassure me that the answers are relevant today but that doesn't satisfy me.Also I just wrote you a message, copied the code exactly and got 'incorrect code' so it did not go to you. Makes me mad. Life is too short.
They are relevant Maureen.  I get notes from readers of older posts all the time.  I am glad you are doing well.
Avatar universal
Hi again Whitewave,

I was just rereading what you wrote about the TV talking to you and suddenly remembered an incident that happened to me a couple of years ago. I was doing my usual thing on the computer when a deep man's voice started talking to me from the computer. I stopped in my tracks, it was if he was in the room. And no matter what I said back, he wouldn't shut up. I even turned the computer off but he still kept speaking to me.

I told somebody and they said it was my imagination. But reading your note reminded me and how convinced I was. Now I think I may have been having a psychotic event.
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