What's wrong with me?

[authorgirl7698]

I'm a very ambitious fourteen-year-old woman. I know where I'm going. I know what I have to do. So why do I feel so wrong?
I'm a genius. I should probably be up front about that. I intend to be involved in religious education. That's my whole life.
I've never been in love. I'm fat and not particularly pretty and I want to have some sort of security.
I get really angry sometimes. I try to control it but sometimes I can't and afterwards I just cry and cry because I know I was wrong and I can't bring myself to admit it. I feel like I could kill someone sometimes.
I'm so afraid I'm not going to have the future I need. I desperately want confirmation that I can do it. I just lost my best friend because I'm homeschooling and I'm afraid I'm going to lose all my other friends too. My parents are never proud of me the way they are of my siblings, who are better than me in everything but my chosen area of study. I hate being at home. I desperately want to go away to college and make real friends who share my interests. I want to fall in love and get married and move out and have kids. What is wrong with me?

[GlasgowGrin]

You have a high confidence, which is great, but don't let it block who you are. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to have a future and already having plans.

[Kelz72312]

Think it might be you being under so much stress maybe a therapist could help try family intervention specialist they help a lot.

[savdylthom]

First off, fourteen years old is not a woman. I was a mess at that age, I was in the highest level of honors (Alpha) in a very competitive school. Didn't mean I didn't overdose, do drugs, crash and burn and drop out. Far from making womens decisions, and I did not have to. (I too, did not understand this at the time).

Secondly, calling yourself a genius limits you to a very high degree. Its almost asinine. If you were a genius, well you'd realise the reality of all those dreams panning out isn't probable. I am not trying to be mean. But recently I was nearing my engagement, we had the ring. I had already lost a child (died inside me). I was ready to move out years prior (at 17) until I got laid off and never called back. To put it simply, life will never be that cut and dry image of perfection. Maybe it is because you are homeschooled. Or that I can see your large ego from your verbiage.

Nothing might be wrong with you. You just may honing in to that beautiful blossoming flower called teenage angst. You may feel very "polar" in opposing feelings for no reason. This is the beginning of experiencing many different feelings. Afterall, biologically you ARE only 14. That doesn't change with anything other than time. You seem fine, but you may just turn out like me, debatably schizoaffective. Then again, you may not. :)