Lonliness and BP

Question

Does anyone else with BP have trouble making friends? The ppl I seem to run into seem to need meds more than I do! My inital judgement of ppl and situations if often too naiive and trusting and I get myself into situations that I have trouble extricating myself from. I am not a young kid. I am in my 50's. Why do I take ppl at face value and believe that they are being truthful about themselves when actually they are not who they say they are and that situations are not what they seem? Why can't I spot the lie before it's too late and I've already been sucked in?

paranoid_cataclysm · Answer

I have the same problem because I have problems telling what's real and what's fake so what's true and what's a lie are indistinguishable for me and as a result I just don't believe anything at all and thus having real problems feeling like I can make friends.  There's only a few people who I trust enough to believe anything they say.

christine66 · Answer

Hi there, 
I have always been very shy and found it dificult to make relationships. I feel this is worse  since my diagnosis it's almost a stumbling block to meeting people. Like you I always take people at face value but I don,t want to change. I don,t want to be anything other than honest if people can,t be with me they are the ones that will miss out. It takes me a long time to make a freind and if they ever cross the line then I will have nothing more to do with them. Remember you must be a good person if you take people for who they are. I know its nice to get out and meet people the riding may be a way of meeting new people, I have just taken up jogging I need the exercise and hope it will also lead to freindships. When you can get out to see other there is always your freinds here. 
Take care Love Christine 66

bernie40 · Answer

I could have written the same thing as you Irish!

Leta, I think that is a wonderful idea and I've often sat and thought wouldn't it be nice to meet with these people who I talk to almost daily.  To be able to feel relaxed that we were all equal in our battle for fairness.  That if I suddenly went quiet and contemplative nobody would bat an eyelid or if I suddenly became animated and chatty, again nobody would react.

Does anyone know a producer???? :-)

irishwriter · Answer

it is interesting that we all seem to have this problem in common. i try to live my life in a 'so unto others as you would have done to you' and generally end up trampled on. yet i do not want to turn into a cynical person. it makes for a lot of hurt. i rarely leave the house now anyway so it is unlikely that i'll meet new people. it is difficult enough to converse with the people i already know, even on the phone, i can almost hear the question 'is she fixed yet?!!!'.

Missygen · Answer

Wow, I know exactly what everyone is saying. I have alot of "friends" yet not a single one who is REALLY a friend. This is probably my own fault as I find it impossible to really be myself and let people in. I think it stems from insecurity and paranoia that if I'm myself people won't like me, and I could not handle that rejection. So I tend to be the goofy, fun party-girl that adapts/changes to fit the people or situation.

ILADVOCATE · Answer

Wish so. Everyone here seems like decent people. I'm going to have to start over and make a new set of friends and its physically near to possible for me to get out. And despite what people say N.Y.C. is not the most tolerant place. What bothers me the most (which is true anywhere) is when you have a diagnosis it sticks with you but some people who have problems of their own want to put you down. Its not what your disability is, its how you live with it. If I am in treatment and respect other people and society, I and other people who do this are a step ahead of people who spend their whole lives in denial yet put down other people who obviously have a disability. No one said life was going to be easy though. Guess that's what makes it fun lol.

LetaB · Answer

Wouldn't it be fascinating if a bunch of us who "know" each other on this forum could get together for a while? I am so unbelievably isolated where I am today. I used to be in clubs, on boards, choirs, etc. but now I feel like such a freak that I don't like to leave the house. What has changed? Is this it? I used to love spring but now the sunny days contrast so with my mood that it makes me feel even more isolated. So would we get along as we do here? Would we try and assume the best motivations of others and be careful of our comments? I sure would play guinnie pig for it. Maybe we could create a reality show around our meeting. Just a thought.

bastet56 · Answer

I had the sad task of cutting off contact with a 20 yr + friend today. She cannot understand why I have had to cut her out of my life. She was constantly critical and this is not what you need in your life with or without BP. I made the mistake of rekindling the friendship after a 6 yr hiatus last month. It was a month of hell for me and I ended up nearly landing in the hospital yesterday. She called and talked to my husband ( I refused to talk to her) , bawling, why, why, why. He told her what she had done but she doesn't understand and probably never will. I am hurting that she is hurting but I will never again let her cut me up.

HoneyNut · Answer

Hi bastet56,

Yes, I am right there with you.  I can met people, generate an initial conversation, where sometimes it can make people think I'm "normal", or I struggle with keeping the conversation alive.  It is difficult to make and keep close friends... let alone find a person I could even call a friend.

I am not really in any position to worry about marriage, but I have no idea who would be my maid of honor, let alone who I could ask be my bridesmaids... it saddens me that over the 22 years of my life I still have not found anyone relatively close to consider them being a decent friend.  I think partly to blame is my paranoia, and lack of perception... it seems I am not trusting enough of the people I should be (my boyfriend) and too trusting of people I shouldn't be....

I wish you the very best.

~* HoneyNut

jimgreg · Answer

i,m the same way as you are.. making friends with bp and lonely..im thinking this is my life now.. i guess deal with it the best i can  good luck to you..

whimpy2 · Answer

Me too I am 49 and have trouble with friends this is a sensitive area for me I keep going back in time wondering what ever happen to this person or that. My family teases me about having no friends and I feel bad enough like I committed a crime but really not does this make sense? And how come I can not run into some of you guys in this forum
who truly understands without facing court all the time(life). You are my online friend now please feel free to respond, I am a good listener.

bernie40 · Answer

I relate to what you said also.  I've been burned once too often now though and so make the conscious decision not to make friends but stick to the ones I've had for a long time who I know I can trust.  I have made a couple of really good friends on here and they are the first "new" people I have trusted in a long long time.

I've put it down to the fact that I have high expectations of myself and therefore probably high expectations of others - needless to say I often let myself down and find that others let me down :(

LetaB · Answer

Some of this sounds like it stems from paranoia which is also we often suffer from. Having been burned before I treat others (especially women I'm afraid ) with great caution and can easily believe that they are thinking negative things about me. I am the life of the party when the spirit (i.e. mania) is upon me but in day to day life I am adrift and cluesless, that helps to make me too clingy to those loved ones I do feel I can count on.

elwoodsf · Answer

I relate to every word you posted. This question has been on my mind so much recently. I find myself trusting, especially co-workers since I'm around them most of my day. After I trust then I realize I need to get out. I have asked my self the question many times "did I feel this in my gut?" as lagatta posted. Honestly, after years of dealing with this, I believe this may have truth in it. I guess I want to trust, even at the cost of making a mistake? I too am very lonely and wish I could let people in.

lagatta · Answer

I think that naivete is a personality trait but perhaps it's more common amongst people with phyciatric disorders.  I too feel that I am naive but then again if I listened to my gut feeling I probably wouldn't be as naive.   Looking back, do you think that you knew deep inside that something didn't jive but discarded and ignored that feeling?


Personally, I find it very easy making acquaintenance but I have a hard time forming close friends.  I find it difficult letting people in.  I'm so emotionally vulnerable and sensitive and have a difficult time dealing with conflict...and when you are dealing with people there is always conflict.  So I just close myself off to it all.  Having said that I'm also very lonely and wish I could let people in.