Mail causes severe anxiety

[Midijane]

Does anyone else go through phases where managing bills is completely overwhelming? I'm to the point where I only check my mail every 2-3 weeks bc I don't want to deal with bills. The anxiety my mail causes me is way out of proportion to what it should be. I know that sounds weird, but it's honestly become a huge problem for me. It feels like standing in the eye of a tornado with life spinning out of control around you.

I debated calling my psy doc but decided to post here first. So has anyone ever experience this?

M

[CRSeaside]

Cat-interruption.  She sees this little phone & I think feels threatened. So I play with her.
  So back to the mail.. I wanted to trick myself. I ordered a bunch of small items from EBay. Mine were Barbie shoes.
   So I got excited,& waited for the mail. I'd let my good mood spill over to sorting mail, getting checks ready for deposit, ect.
     Here in Costa Rica, I have no mail. 3 other places we own, I contacted postal service to have No mail delivered. Junk mail is the biggest waste of trees, time & energy. I just won't do it.
      My ideas are different, but maybe will help you!    Pamela

[CRSeaside]

Hello Everyone.  About 30 years ago before many knew about it, I put everything on Automatic Debit. The ones that didn't have that, I put on auto pay credit card. Then the credit card was paid auto debit anyway thru the bank account.
   I have that same, can't check the mail problem. It's depression..

[Bubulous]

I am a lot better today but a little tired.  I gave blood yesterday and I stayed up all night so I am about drained.

[Midijane]

Hey there, I did post to you last evening but I'm not sure what happened to it.

Holy panic attack gone bad! Considering how intense you felt yesterday, cool that you thought to use shades and music to decompress. Never really thought about it before, but it's smart to have plan for when things go south. Wine and saltine crackers while watching TV is my plan... yours has less calories :)

How are things today?

M

[Midijane]

Hey Bunny,

Been there... Done that... have the T shirt :)

Sounds like we are in the similar boats. I also pay the little bills as a way to trick my mind into only having to deal with 1 creditor versus 10. It's a fine strategy if you don't mind a sheriffs sale, but not so good for credit scores.

Best wishes on sorting through things. Makes me tired just thinking about it.

Thanks for posting.

M

[Bubulous]

I made an appointment today too with both my psych and therapist. I had a horrible morning.  I woke up depressed and I didn't take it seriously.  I felt fat although I am not because I ate too much last night.  I threw up my breakfast because of it.
Shortly after I went to the Y to play basketball.  I was walking in the door as another older guy was walking out.  I said "excuse me" although neither of us really had to.  He just said "yeah" and it upset me because I felt that he was thinking I should have said excuse me because I didn't step out of his way.  I yelled "yeah?" as I walked by him but kept on walking.  I went to play basketball and I kept getting madder and madder as the time passed to the point that I snapped at a teenager that I felt was staring at me.  I finally had to sit down on the bench as my friend kept playing basketball.  I put on my sunglasses I keep with me in case of panic attacks and put my headphones in waiting for the anger to leave me.  When it did I started crying uncontrollably because I felt ashamed that I got that angry.  I don't like being angry...it is exhausting and not me.  I cried for about thirty minutes and every time I though it was over and started to stand back up it would hit me again and I would have to sit back down.  I couldn't even make it out of the gym to go to the car and call my therapist because I was in such a state of panic.  I was just stuck there on the bench....
That is the first time in a long time that my depression has hit that hard and I had trouble figuring out why it happened as I have been taking my meds and staying in a relatively good mood....
I guess I let my guard down and that was all it took :(

[Midijane]

Hey there I'm back. Thanks for some support. Glad to know I'm not the only one. I'm not sure if lack of finances is what bothers me most. I think it's also a feeling of someone wanting just 1 more thing from me. I feel like when I'm hypo manic... I get completely overwhelmed out of proportion to the circumstance or task. I know in my head what I need to do, but I don't. I'd rather clean my house (weird huh?), spend money, anything that is a distraction.

I would love to know why being overwhelmed is so hard to deal with. You'd think a person would want to relieve the bad feelings by just taking care of business. Anyway, it's something I've been struggling with forever.

I actually made an appointment with my psy doc to talk. I'm fresh out of reasons I don't take care of things, and clean out of motivation to fix this myself. Hoping another med isn't the answer. Can't wait to hear what this doc says. He's not impressive, I really to need to find another... but that is just one more thing to deal with :).

M

[007Bunny]

Exactly. I pay little to everyone. If I can't pay all I pick the biggest bill which I don't pay as I have to deal with one company and not ten.
Calls are usually ok just our benefit dep in city council is $@$@.
Budget uh. Non existent but I really do not go to shops. I also have to create an emergency fund and I will. I had there some money but they all gone for Christmas. At the moment I have to just manage to fill the holes as the end of the year is not good in my work. However the beginning of the year is always the best as everyone wants to be slim. ;). So I hope I will be in two months out of the biggest troubles.
Thanks for help as this is another issue I have no one to talk to about.

[Bubulous]

I have also purged my bills by just throwing a stack of them away :)  I realized like you did that just calling them is so beneficial.  A lot of times a phone call can be enough to relieve your mind and they also respond well to little payments especially credit cards and hospital bills.  I started off paying a little on all the bills paying more attention to the smallest ones so that I could scratch them off.  Trying to pay the big bills in the beginning makes you feel like you are getting nowhere.  A budget was the hardest thing for me to make because I spent so erratically that I thought it was impossible but if I can do it anyone can.  I have yet to start a savings account but the main goal for this month is to stick to the budget and watch my money.  Perhaps next month I can put a little back for an emergency fund.

[007Bunny]

Oh, I haven't started to write about bill monster here yet - for some reason you started it and I have to now write about it as well lol. So yes, same here!!!! About three or four years ago I wasn't able to cope with it at all. I had an online shop, selling some clothes and toys and spent all days and night! dealing with it. All this on its own created a mess eg stock, boxes for packing etc. I had never enough time so always prefer to do something I got paid for. But money were still short. The house was a mess and I was unable to open letters. So they landed in the box - never opened. I opened from time to time some new ones but that was it. So I managed not to call my water company due to not so big debt and therefore got court order to pay - which will be in my records for next 3 years. I just couldn't do it. I was so depressed and anxious that only thinking about it made me cry.
I also'managed' to open two companies but hey who will do all the paperwork? I managed for a couple of years - somehow! but after that came a final crash  and I wasn't able to do it any more. Never opened the letters - the box was big and full. And my house - especially my office was like a house of hoarder. I had a few attempts to tidy up with mixed results. Even asked friend to help me. I managed to get rid of some stuff and tidy the boxes but it again became a mess. After a long period of time I also started to deal with my bills. And somehow managed to make arrangments with most suppliers.
As Bubulous said I cut off anything I didn't need. I have a good phone from contract which I wasn't able to pay - bas**** put on the top several hundreds of penalties and I am still paying it!
I also read tips on the internet how not to spend. For me it means not to go to shops. If you go you always buy something and spent.
I also faced eviction which they sent me just before christmas 2012. I got totally depressed, anxious, angry. I thing this was the major trigger of my depressed episode which lasted till April. As I was receiving housing benefits and asked council to help with eviction ( which was actualky unlawful) I started to deal with it. And I am still dealing with it! My case with council will have first bithday now. Do not ask how anxious I get when I see the letter from them. I am trying hard to behave. When I called them - think about 30 times in last year- I ended up crying and crushed so I had to go to sleep as I didn't function. Yep, again just before christmas they sent me a bill for 7k $ to pay back. I always need a break before I answer them. Not sure why I am still trying as they don't read my letters anyway. So I sent them another letter and also a complaint.
Uh, the best therapy was to move house so I do not have to deal with previous landlord. The place is in better area, closer to school, and over all nicer.
I moved - with my boxes full of unopened letters. But I have a garage here so all the crap is there. One day I needed to find a document so I had to dig in papeprs in the garage. So I decided to get rid of them! What a therapy! I managed to get rid of few boxes ( and also found my document lol). It was a huge relief when I put them all to the bin.
I am still fighting, still trying to put things in order - and little by little it works. Not ideal but it goes.
I started to call more often and negotiate more and trying as best as I can. It is a fight. And it is one of my bigfest triggers. The strategy 'avoid' doesn't work in long term. I am openning my letters now and trying to deal with. I got anxious and angry last time as I didn't open the letter straight away. It was a nasty one as expected but I managed to make a call and it was a good one.
I think there is no other way than to deal with it. It won't go away unless we put the order in place. And I still have loads to deal with and I am unable to do so. Crap I know.
So you can see - you are not alone!!!! Think can exchange some money management tips here lol. Xxx

[Midijane]

You crack me up. A line of (beep), eh? Well Mr Spiritual... it looks like we are the only two nuts up at this hour, so thanks for the early morning pep talk. I may go do some dishes. It's so hard to sit still.

M

[Bubulous]

Yeah I was just feeding you a big line of !@#$ lol.  No, you know that I am Mr. Spiritual and all that came from the heart.  I will always be here to center you as you have helped me out so much in the past :)

[Midijane]

Thanks for the motivating words, always good to be reminded of our inner strength. No doubt I've been through harder times. I just need to remember that I can make it through this as well.

[Bubulous]

Hey bud,
I have definitely been in that situation before.  I had to realize that I had to take it one step at a time and really cut back on whatever I could.  I switched from a contract phone to a prepaid phone with minutes.  I changed the way I shopped for food and a lot of times had to go to get commodities.  I started rolling my cigarettes instead of buying cartons.  Anyway is there anything that you can cut out.  The main things you have to have are food, shelter, lights, and water.  This may sound a little morbid but a good way for me to think is "What if I died tomorrow?"  All of your worries would go away but you get to live and that is a gift.  One day last year I was listening to the radio and I heard an interesting concept.  It was called the 100 item challenge and it was created by Dave Bruno.  The premise was to try to get down to where you have 100 items.
I hope you can tackle one thing at a time and not get overwhelmed so easy.  No matter what time will pass and understanding that means imagining yourself in the future with all of this gone.  It has to do with the law of attraction and if you really want to get rid of these bills you will.  You are a strong person.  Stay centered and let go of control.  You don't have it and you never will.  There is no faith when we try to control and there is no control when we have faith.
Anyway just wanted to chat with ya :)