Self Identity? Do People Have Trouble Acheiving it?

[ILADVOCATE]

I know at times I have this issue but I am wondering if other people do as well and how they come to terms with it? The basic issue of self identity I am asking about is as relates to moodswings/bipolar and grandiosity. I know before recovery from psychosis when I was paranoid I saw many people as "threatening". That feeling is long gone. But at times as mood stabilizers adjust if grandiosity emerges I can see myself as "out to set people straight" or "put them in their place". This of course can be a disaster and when I look back I wonder what I was thinking. Thankfully with time and understanding its gotten to the point where I can insure thoughts do not equal action. The point is sometimes I find myself in the position to address issues on a large scale (in a positive sense) and grandiosity/mania is the first thing to get out of the way to make sure the results are positive. But nor should I see a minor conflict as "threatening" and blow it out of proportion. I realize this much more these days but not 100% of the time. I would be interested to know if other people go through this experience as well and what are their specific coping skills?

[zzzmykids]

Yes! Right now I attribute it more to taking Seroquel.  This drug has woke me up, mentally. BUT the lashing of others has also come back. My dearest friend who has stuck by me all these years, we've been friends 37 years. We spent the week together. Understand we are both Christians and over the years I have learned to tame the tongue though the brain is out of control...with those close to me...or I would not have intimate friends...but ever since seroquel about five or six weeks, I go ahead and write or say it.
When it was managed, I was not an alpha and my pdoc wanted me to be assertive w/o confrontational and I was learning. This past week I said things that I was "setting her straight" which didn't matter.  At my own church here in my town, I know I am seen as just the weird one that does things...but I don't get asked again.  I really don't have friends of intimacy at our church because the bp has gotten worse.
So I guess the point I am saying ILADVOCATE, is because this is a disorder of the brain, and IT does not know it is sick, I believe it tries to "let" it out in different ways.
Do you take prescrip drugs or bio"natural" medications?
You have always been an advocte with checking with your psych with all of us and I know I can say for myself you have been a rock.  So I will say, friend, please check with your pdoc, tell him/her what is going on, everything,
I hope you are maintaining but if you need a private pm, I have been back to who I was prior to so many meds and discern and listen well.
zzzmykids

[irishwriter]

i have difficulty with barriers when people are mean to me and dwell on the awful things they say for a long time with the words just reverberating in my head. i have no ability to stand up for myself and tend to just leave and then cry about it for ages! then i put on the happy act for everybody and they think everything is fine again. i really do not know who this person i have become is. i hope this new combo of meds will help me feel more 'normal' again although i have never had the ability to stand up for myself in any situation. i always appreciate the advice you give and hope you continue to do so.

thanks

iw

[ILADVOCATE]

Yes well I don't have the friends I used to because of the physical disability I acquired. They just couldn't seem to handle it and it was quite unfair because it was not like someone who doesn't take medication as prescribed and acts psychotic all the time. I think we've all known one or two people like that and just moved on as regards that kind of friendship. But at least as regards psychosis I am recovered mentally and the moodswings are reasonable (a lot of this is part of a clinical experiment so I've been asked to confine it to my journal entries). But some people I knew were not reasonable towards me and for some it came from their own issues. Yes one could say I am in a position to influence people but I don't want to look back at it and take a position of power I don't deserve. Nor do I want to develop feelings of grandiosity and a sense of self importance from it. All of that mental energy I could use to help others. I do want to take some time to enjoy life when physical possible. I just don't want to use my recovery as a means to put down others or networking or advocacy I've done as a reason to try to take control. But I can't deny the feelings are there. I can state that since most of my advocacy (being that for all intents and purposes I am homebound physically) involves letter writing or e-mails sometimes I run it by people I volunteer with or if its not confidential family members if its something I am upset about because any letter that can initiate action has to avoid an emotional language or tone and if it ends up in there other people can note it and edit it out. I didn't progress very far with advocating for others to have my mental recovery until I stopped boasting about it and thinking of me first. The more I put others first the more people respected me and the more I could work with them to get things done.

[velvetvenus]

i think most of us don't really know who we are with bipolar disorder. i have the problem too with wanting to set people straight and get them on the right path. but people are going to do what they are going to do and we can't control it, unfortunately. just try to count to 10 before you speak or act, that helps me some, from putting my foot in my mouth or having something to feel guilty about later. and i dwell on things forever it seems like. we can't save the world, just try to make a small difference in moderation. then the depression makes us feel worthless and that no one cares what we think or who we are....the cycles really suck. i am not in control of my mood swings and issues that come along with them but i hate, hate, hate, to apologize! i rarely do. i try to have nothing to apologize for but it happens.....good luck  

[Alex_X_18]

it justr seems so typical of bp not knowing who you are because your mood is always changing its like some people tell me that I am shy....I'm not that shy but my bf says so and my best friend disagrees its like some people get this impression that I have lo9ads of self confidence which is not me eitherits kindof odd really because I meet people stay one way for awhile and then change and wind up loosing friends

[anninwashington]

Yep.  I'm naturally alpha anyway, and sometimes get downright commanding.
Not the best way to persuade.  I'm with you on thinking is not action.  Keeping one's ego in check is something most competent, aware people must do.  I suspect you are in a position to influence many, and have friends who will give you good warning signals.
My friends tell me.  Acting on good advice most of the time.....

[Twelvesgirl]

Yes I do have these problems,and I have NO idea how to cope w/ it. I wish I knew since I swing from one side of the spectrum to another from moment to moment. I never know whats coming. I need to lay low until I'm stable...