Bipolar since 14

[charlydawn]

been this way for a while had bad childhood, but as an adult i'm trying very to provide a very normal life for myself but i'm having a hard time  feeling emotions sometime it's like i feel nothing at all, and people who dont know i'm bipolar think i'm just cold hearted but that not the case i care i just dont know how to show it  the right way i either show to strong or not enough then people start being critical of me, for example  last year was a very hard year for me, i had been estranged from dad for 4 years then i get a phone call that he is dying from cancer, then when i tried to get into contact with him everyone was like why did you cut us out of your life i'm like i did not i was told not to come around. i guess sometimes i do  cut people out it just seems easier to do that you dont get hurt. why cant i feel please explain?

[monkeyc]

I think you are being very very sensitive here.  No one is criticising you.  We tried to help, you became defensive. Thats all.

No one is judging you we simply state that stopping medicaiton is a bad idea and thats that - there are many vulnerable people who read these forums and thus information needs to be open clear and concise.

The behaviours you are describing here are symptoms of bipolar, they are things we all do to some extent or another and may be worsened in different phases for different patients.  To sound a warning bell in many cases these worsening is sign of an episode coming on.

We can only offer advice, how you take it and what you do with it is up to you.  Im not sure what reaction you expected to get to be honest?

[charlydawn]

not going to argue with you, i have my reason for asking that  question cause when i was on meds  i felt the same way no matter how many times they changed my meds still felt that way. i never really got to discover what bipolar truely was i was just trying  find some answers thanks for the critisim. and the judgement  never does any good for me to reach out for help cause this is the reaction i get so whats the point.

[monkeyc]

Im sorry but none of it is personal

The first thing we ask every new poster here is what meds do you take and are you seeing a pdoc - thats a standard.

As to behaviour therapy sorry but no you cannot address Bipolar via behaviour therapy, whoever told you that is wrong,  Bipolar is not a behavioural illness its a mood disorder and its a brain chemistry problem, you absolutely cannot fix this disease via CBT or other things - those therapies will help people cope with symptoms and manage the but he cannot fix the moods and the depression and the mania.

I have walked many a mile in non medicated shoes and lain in the non medicated hospital bed.  

And no one is preaching meds either - however they are a key component of all accepted treatment for the illness and none of us is going to deny that.

You asked a question and we gave you an answer - if you fee this answer is not something you like then please feel free to feel that way - nothing personal is meant but we cannot stress enough to anyone else reading this that none of us here will ever reccomend non medication as a solution to Bipolar as most of us have been there or seen people there one too many times.

I will ask you this question - if non medication and behaviour therapy is working why are you asking the question you asked?

There is something in that answer for my mind.

[charlydawn]

all I did was ask a ? then everyone is asking personal ?'s about meds and doctors just wanted to know something, alot of the problems of bi polar can be address thur behavior theraphy  and making the choice on how your going to react to something , meds are not the only answer, I did the med thing when i was a kid my parents would use the meds as a form of punishment( cause it was that was their way of controlling me, like I said had a messed up childhood), so when I moved out  i made the choice to get away from the meds. I dont need people preaching the value of meds I'm not trying to make people mad it just you dont know where a person has been until you walk a mile or two in their shoes.

[bernie40]

Hi, Welcome to this wonderful site.

I'm glad you have a wonderful supportive husband.  With regards to a psychiatrist its important that you do try and find one - are you on any medications for your BP at the moment?

I know it can take a few tries to find a psychiatrist you can "click" with but I do think its important for you and also for your family.

I think monkeyc covered what you were saying very well - many of your behaviours are typical human behaviours, maybe a little more quick to surface due to the BP but nonetheless nothing unusual.

You should never feel you have to justify yourself to people - you are you and people have to learn to accept you as you are, if they can't then maybe they are not worth spending too much energy on.  With regard to your family - families are difficult, they probably just don't understand bipolar, or maybe they don't want to accept that you have it, it could take time.

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad.  The questions about where you had been are normal questions but the important thing is that you were there when you needed to be and when he needed you to be.

Big hugs.

Bulldozer

[charlydawn]

I have a wonderful husband who supports me thur everything. I have not been able to find a psychiatrist i feel gets me so i dont see one.

[monkeyc]

Hi there, welcome.

First things first - feeling nuetral or non emotional is normal for a lot of bipolars, I get it myself a lot and there are times where I have faked emotion to fit in in the past.

Second cutting people out of your life or wanting to be along is normal as well, and its not an unusual thing.

And avoiding being hurt is also normal for not only bipolars but for all human beings.

The fist question is always the one we ask - are you seeing a psychiatrist ?  If so have you discussed this with them?

What meds are you on - some meds can amplify this effect?

And the big one is do you have anyone who supports you, a good friend, a therapist?