Hi there i am 47 and three girls 29 23 20 they have all left home now.I have been on methadone and clear of crack and heroin.I am on diazapan antidepressents.And fee
very suicidal.I have never known what its like to be soba,but i am really shocked to know that after all these years its my mother and stepfarthers attitudes it has got to much i
cannot trust them i dont want to be in the same room as my mum,as she always start arguments.Over the past 6wks they have said stuff that has really opend my eyes now i
know why i stayed in that world so long as they would tell lies to my kids get me arguing infront of my kids and i always looked horrible nasty mum.As they are older they
understand how i feel.But now i am a nanny of a beautiful grandaughter they are trying
the same thing again,they are doing my head in i feel all on my own.All i can think of is turning to bottle of tablets.Why should i let them bring me down now.I know how you
feel its like reading carbon copy of my family so we are not on are own there.We got
stand up be strong.My grandaughter and girls i dont think i could do it to them id rather
divorce my parents than my kids loose me.i am here if you need to talk takecare be strong.
Can you go somewhere safe for awhile? A church, a library, a park, somewhere away but with people around. Do you have a county mental health center that you could go to?Maybe check yourself in for 72 hrs and at least get your meds straight and some rest. You need to get out of the situation for a while. Some families are so wrapped up in their own problems that they have no time or energy to deal with 'extras' like a member with mental illness. Yours may be one, I don't know.
It's good if you have a close friend you can talk to about it as I only really talk to my friends about it since I have the same problem with family as you. Now don't get me wrong I have a few good family members but it feels like they're not fully understanding the seriousness of my mental illness when I try to talk to them about it. My own mother told me I couldn't possibly have the two mental disorders I just knew I have and then I proved her wrong when I was diagnosed with them both. It's also hard to find someone to be in a relationship with who has the patience to deal with your mental disorder especially if you have something like Schizophrenia but there still are the people out there who do have the patience.
life just has a way of piling up on a person at times, I think we can all empathize with your position. Remember nothing is permanent only death....everything else will change and change brings hope. Please hold on to whatever good you can find and keep searching for personal answers to your depression. You must talk to someone who is in the position of helping you, do you need an increase or complete change in medications?
Please don't give up on yourself and your children it may not seem like it but they do need you and the stigma of suicide is a terrible legacy to leave them...take care and hold on girl.
The family should be supportive of you but they have to be willing to take the first step. As I posted NAMI friend and family support groups can be good. They honestly have to listen to you and respect your disability and how it affects you and work with you but there are some people who don't want to do that. It can be hard. I know that for me in 1991 that when I started medication my mother thought of it as "pills" like someone would take who has an addiction problem. Then when she finally understood what it was she monitored my treatment excessively as I always took it as prescribed and it should have been between me and my psychiatrist to discuss. Now as it turns out the whole time she herself had bipolar and of course I am quite respectful with her approaching treatment. I post this because sometimes the negativity people show someone with a psychiatric disability reflect their own inability to cope.