Rapid Cycling

[Nikki2226]

Has anyone had experiences with rapid cycling, with cycles that last hours or days?  I was extremely hyper and had racing thoughts and was elated the other day, then I felt ok but lazy for a few days, then depressed for a couple of days and super tired, and now I am extremely irritable and I keep getting mad and yelling at people and just about everything.  Yesterday I started digging my nails into my skin without even realizing it because I was so upset that  my husband invited a co worker to lunch with us and I didn't want to deal with people at the moment.  I went and drove out to a roadside park after lunch and just sat there because I was too upset and scared to go back to work.  I feel like I am losing my mind.  Every day is completely different.  My psychologist said he is still trying to sort out whether I am just extremely sensitive or if I have ultra rapid cycling.  I thougt he may have misdiagnosed me as bi polar after I first saw him a month ago but now I am pretty sure there is something wrong with me.  How long will it be before the lamictal I am taking starts taking effect?  I am still working up to a theraputic dose.  I am at 50mg now.  I am worried about my job because I deal with customers all day and I keep being sporatic and rude to people and it is not fair to them or to my boss.  I get really upset when there is too much to do or too many people around and feel overwhelmed and start getting nervous and jittery.  I'm thinking about quiting but I need the money and I don't know what else to do that doesn't involve people.  My job is not that hard.  In fact it is the easiest and most pleasant job I have ever had but over the last few months I just can't handle it.  I can't handle anything anymore! Not my marriage, my job, my house, my friendships, nothing.  I just want to stay in bed because I'm scared to see what the day might be like.

[Nikki2226]

Marsha_ann, I have you and Austin in my prayers.  I can't imagine going through he is at such a young age.  Are you getting help also or talking to a counselor?  I'm sure this is putting a huge strain on you as well.  I hope you are able to find the right kind of treatment to get his life back on track.  He is lucky to have your shoulder to cry on.  One thing that kind of freaked me out in your post was the description of what he saw in the mirror.  I don't actually see things,  but I have visions that suddenly enter my mind that I can't get out.  One I have had lately is of an old lady with gray skin staring at me with a big golden yellow eye.  No wings or clouds or horns though.

Meldawn 143, I'm glad you found something that is working for you.  I hope it helps me too, but at this point it doesn't look likely.  There is bound to be something out there that helps, though.  

Karli79, I'm glad you found this forum.  I hope it gives you as much support as it has given me lately.  This medicine roller coaster is rough!  My husband says doctors are like those mechanics who just change out parts until something works.  They just change out medicines until we get lucky.  I hope that happens soon.  

I don't know if the lamictal is going to work, and it might even be making things worse.  I went to the doc a couple of days ago and he started me on abilify in addition to the lamictal.  He says the illness seems to be progressing.  I have been having scary thoughts that seem to be forced into my mind lately, and the doc said they are kind of borderline psychotic.  He hopes the abilify will help help my moods and keep me from having true psychosis.  I have had a rough couple of weeks.  I was doing fine for a few days and then went on a fast downward spiral.  I wanted to jump out of my skin and just stop feeling.  I felt so overwhelmed that I destroyed about $6000 worth of equiptment I bought to use to start my own business.   I am still paying on that stuff.  Worst of all I kept having really awful thoughts I couldn't get out of my head.  Everything I saw looked gruesome in my mind, which is wierd because I can't even watch a scary movie and now there was one running through my mind constantly.  That is what sucks about the mixed state episodes,  I am depressed and therefore have bad racing thoughts instead of productive ones.  My family wanted to take me to a hospital, and the doc said if I get any worse he thought it would be necessary.  But, I am starting to feel a little better.  I still don't want to leave my house, but the disturbing thoughts have mostly stopped.   This is all very difficult for me to accept.  As much as it breaks my heart to know that others are suffering like me, it also helps to know that other people understand what this is like.  

[meldawn143]

I know just how you feel, and I feel my therapist and psychiatrist are just there to get paid. But I will tell you that Im on lamictal and it has helped me tremendaously. Im on 200 mg. now. It does take a little while, but for the first time I could actually sort out my thoughts more, think clearler, and feel less of bouncing back and forth with my crazy moods. I hope you do well.I would love to hear how you do with the lamictal.
Melanie

[Karli79]

I'm totally new 2 the cocept of "forums" & support 4 being bipolar. I'm so glad 2 read about other people goin' through the same thing as me.I was semi-diagnosed manic depressine 10 yrs. ago (I'm 38) now that I'm educating myself on this illness...I no that Ive always been bipolar.I was super sensetive, moody, passionate, aggressive & hypersexual, even as a small child.I definatly have rapid cycling & mixed episodes.After being on Abilify & triliptal 4 like 6 months, I took myself off my meds. I felt totally flat & lifeless on meds. (overmedicated...I dont no) That was a huge mistake! I've never been as manic, impulsive, & aggressive as I have since I've been off my meds. Im back on meds. the same mg. as I took be4, but it doesn't seem 2 be nearly as effective as it was be4. Even though I was flat be4 on meds.... I definatley was not having mania & was way more in control of myself. Not sure what's gonna happen from here. Got an app. with my doc. soon. I feel like my meds. should be upped. I'll just have 2 wait & c.-Karli

[marsha_ann]

Austin had a huge fit after getting in trouble yesterday afternoon.  I could hear him yelling & throwing a tantrum in his room.  I took Logan outside so he wouldnt have to listen to it.  

Later, Austin came outside crying & cried on my shoulder.    A little while later, he told me that he saw something in the mirror while he was yelling & upset.  He said it was him, but it wasnt him.  He was pretty freaked out.

I really dont know if he saw it or not.  He might've just wanted attention.  I told him to draw it & write a description (so I could show dr's).  Here's what he wrote:

'gray skin, hair was neater, no blimishes, and horns;  A dark ominous cloud with twinkling lights floating around it;  Solid black wings, and gold/yellow cat eyes'

He wanted his mirror removed from his room, but he uses it to put in his contacts.  I told him just to turn it around until he needs to use it.  

[marsha_ann]

Things arent getting better.  He had a major explosion with my husband last night.  They yelled & screamed at each other for over an hour.  Austin refuses to follow our house rules.  My husband was ready to call the Sheriff's office !!!  Austin's on probation ... so if he gets much worse, he will have to get sent away for 18mths.  I dont really want that, but we cant live in this chaos much longer.  I want him to finish school, and then I'm taking him to stay a week or two at a hospital (so they can observe him 24/7).  I'm hoping to get him on the right meds soon, so next school year will be better.  

[Nikki2226]

Great news! I am glad they gave your son a chance.  I hope things keep getting better for your family.  I know you have been through so much lately.  Hang in there.