Think Before You Send...

[ILADVOCATE]

I remember many times in the past when I sent someone an email that created antagonism or even ended a friendship. What I have noticed now is that sometimes (especially on a day like today which is the last day of the Catapres application which is my working mood stabilizer, will be change it momentarily) I will write an email that is an angry rant and then after writing it immediately delete it and not send it. Perhaps it felt better to write it. I don't know. But I knew enough being on a working mood stabilizer not to send it. Have other people experienced this? Before email writing a letter took some thought and effort. Now emails can be written instantaneously and have an effect in the same manner both positive or negative. What are some good strategies people have to avoid sending rants or angry emails or ones that are too personal and thinking of the reaction first?

[ILADVOCATE]

Funny that this discussion came up again. I was about to send a group email to some family members about needed accomodations for my physical disability which is severe (one thing we are all working on) but when I looked at it, it sounded too rambling and accusatory and also made everyone look as if they were useless and to blame. So basically in taking my own advice I just discarded it and did not send it. The Clonidine I take is not used much as a mood stabilizer (but then again its not its primary purpose which is to control dystonic spasms) as it can often create depression and in me on the first day of the application mood disturbances that range from euphoria to an agitated mixed state. So basically if I am trying to work with the family to set things up for my future its not a time to send off what might come off as a rant that has more blame than ideas. I'm not sure if my advice is always good but if its warranted then its worth living up to. Thanks.

[mags22]

I have had this problem so many times, especially when manic.  Not so much that I would send angry letters, but I would just send crazy group emails that would go on and on and give out way too much info to people who didn't need to know it.

I especially have this problem if I'm up late and get more and more wired, so now through my gmail I have a setting that if it is after 10 pm I have to answer 5 math questions before it will send.  that is  a good little reminder to check if I'm sending appropriate stuff, and I think if I am really manic or a bit psychotic I probably would have trouble answering the questions correctly.

[ILADVOCATE]

Yes makes sense and one person I know (off site and nothing to do with Medhelp) that I had clearly sent unwarranted emails to when they had done nothing wrong but I was coping with someone else just starting treatment who has been antagonistic (but clearly can't help it once they have things stabilized they will not be that way, at least they are headed in the right direction) and difficult, I settled things with, first in the wrong way by sending apology after apology compulsively and then in the right way by sending some emails that showed I appreciated and respected them for who they were. I will in the future if I feel that things aren't going well perhaps write on paper emails first and then think if they are appropriate to send, the same as I'd do with a letter. The instantaneous quality of email makes the loss of judgment harder to deal with because before recovery when I wrote a letter if it was inappropriate by the time I went to mail it I realized it and threw it out. With email by sending the wrong message you can wreck a friendship or start up antagonism in a very short time. I would definitely say that the general rule is don't log on while manic but that's easier said than done. If I feel unstable I find the best thing to do is call my psychiatrist and let them sort it out and give me further advice on where to proceed from there.

[Xila31]

I have a problem where when I'm feeling frustrated I tell people how I'm feeling. I think it gets to be TMI and I make people uncomfortable. This is not necessarily an e-mail problem. I just don't always function well socially. I try not to send angry e-mails. I think I do okay. I try to avoid forums where people are arguing or debating because I can get upset and post things I don't really want to post. I just stay away from them and that seems to help. But it is also so easy to hurt me that sometimes I explode my feelings all over someone without meaning to, (angry, sad, depressed, frustrated, all feelings.) It is worse when I'm in a heavy swing like manic or depressed or mixed. Since I get mixed more often than either, that's when it is bad. Then I just try to keep my mouth such as best I can.

[adel_ezz]

Morning IL

in fact i never thought of the reaction which my mail can cause to others, so it's one of my major mistakes. this has nothing to do with my feeling well or not but i believe it's an attitude in life. so i grew up not knowing how to tell compliments say, not that i insult others but i have no clue of how to approach people like you like people to approach you.

i believe this is part of one's personality, i am not sure whether really am BP or with a trait of BPD nobody can tell. I do have social avoidance very much a speciality of BP. I don't like crowd for example or to go to parties.

I remember when Bulldozer was our community leader, and i had subscribed to this forum for only a week, i sent her a mail which started with "your poll is kind of silly" really i didn't think about it twice, then i would regret it and asked her to delete the letter which she did. My parents tell me : you speak then you hear what you say with your audience as if you don't know what you said. true, never i learned from my mistakes. this is why i keep apologizing all the time. apparently this i found easier than to read and reread what i wrote. of course i try hard not to offend others because sometimes what you write and seen by others is irreversible. Your tongue can at times be your worst ennemy

have a nice day