Need to talk

[Sidelgato]

Hey all....I have to ramble...an incredible need to write my thoughts. I have been feeling fantastic the past 2 weeks but started a few days to notice a few cracks. I was starting to feel sad and then last night I could not sleep...I had tons of energy...I actually went in to work at 1am and had an overwhelming focus on very concrete things...like fixing my computer (I am an IT Administrator). Woke up early this morning with no effect of the little sleep I had and am racing like crazy! The thing is is that as long as I can be alone it feels fu*#ing incredible......a twinge of out of control anxiety coupled with euphori. If I cant stay at this pace I'll start to get too much anxiety and not enough euphoria.

I surfing the net I came across this quote of a persons experience with hypomania that describes mine as well:

"At first when I'm high, it's tremendous ... ideas are fast ... like shooting stars you follow until brighter ones appear... . All shyness disappears, the right words and gestures are suddenly there ... uninteresting people, things become intensely interesting. Sensuality is pervasive, the desire to seduce and be seduced is irresistible. Your marrow is infused with unbelievable feelings of ease, power, well-being, omnipotence, euphoria ... you can do anything ... but somewhere this changes."

Anyway thanks for listening....I am going to have to call my doc tomorrow and probably get my med tweaked (i am on the lowest dose of Abilify). Maybe I'll go run around the house a couple times or even better pound nails!

Stay strong!

Sidelgato

[Sidelgato]

I did say I would probably get my med adjusted (it's was my 3 month check in). My meaning was more about getting to a right dose. I didn't think the starting dose of 2 mg was going to be it as I usually react this way with a new med such as anti-depressents and probably now Abilify.

I was just recently diagnosed with BP2 so I didn't realize you still cycle while on meds. It just shortens the time. That's good to know. It's just that I was experiencing such a powerful effect once I started Abilify...much much stronger that when on anti-depressents...the effect was so quick it took me by surprise and then it stopped.

UPDATE: I did get an increase in Abilify to 5 mg. So far I have not noticed anything...I am irritable and moody. My doc wants me to check in tomorrow so we'll see what happens.

[bernie40]

Hi, I hope you had some success with your pdoc. It does sound as if your meds aren't stabilizing you as much as they could.  Med tweaking is a pretty foregone conclusion with BP and there's no one size fits all sadly.  Hopefully an adjustment will level you out more.

[whimpy2]

I found that ritalin helps me shorten those episodes and I can then re-adjust however the flip side is when I do slow a bit it seems I am sluggish then I wonder about that.

[Delusion]

You want to change your meds because you think your feeling yourself about to cycle? Sorry but that sounds a bit i dont know silly.. your feeling great and think its slipping slightly.. thats going to happen no amount of meds will change that in a nutshell we go from fantastic to ****, fantastic to **** some of us cycle faster than others but all meds will do is make sure neither extreme becomes unmanagable. Mabye you havnt explained enough about current situation then i may be off. But it sounds to me like your looking to tweak your meds for the hell of it which isnt good for your body =/

[ILADVOCATE]

Everyone of those symptoms you described sounds similar to what I experienced in manic episodes before my current recovery. You are doing the right thing to speak to your psychiatrist and in understanding something might be wrong and telling them you have developed a sense of self awareness which is the best way to keep track of moodswings. The Mood Tracker here is an excellent way to do that.