Borderline Personality Disorder

[Ingrid444]

I was diagnosed in November with BPD, which I believe is an offshoot of bi-polar. I went into the dr because I had taken many test for bi-polar as I had heard and read the symptoms. I have suffered my whole life with depression, aniexty, mood swings, seft loathing, regret for fooling choices. But, I am still on a waiting list to see a psychiatrist and a 6 week group therapy session. I am on celexa, an anti-depressant, which helps very little. I am basically on my own to deal with this diagnoses, and I am doing very poorly at it. I have two young kids and a husband of 18 years, God knows how we have lasted this long. I am so unhappy and feel suicidal a lot of the time. My brother committed suicide 14 years ago, and it still haunts me. I know he was manic-depressant, but was never diagnosed. I abuse alcohol which gets me in trouble, I feel horrible afterwards but still keep making the same mistakes. I have called the dr to find out when I will get some help, but I have heard nothing yet. I feel like I am hanging by a thread...... I am on my way right now to a walk-in clinic to get some help.
Pray for me... I don't know if I can stand much more of this life!

[DLA]

Hey, any time.  That's what I'm here for.

Glad they got your meds changed.  Sounds like the dr is on the ball.  Let me know what happens and know I'll be praying for you.

Dac

[Ingrid444]

Thanks for the encouraging words. I did get into the dr on Monday, and things seem to be moving along faster. I am trying a new combo of meds, and I feel hopful. I am still waiting to see a physchiatrist, but the doc said it would be very soon.... this week. I love my kids and they are the main reason I keep on trying. Thanks for caring....

[DLA]

You're doing every thing right, it's the drs who aren't.  When I got help my mom called and told them I wanted to die.  They fit me right in that day.  Make sure they understand that it is not a situation that they can wait and see.  Tell them exactly what you've told us.  None of us want you to do anything to hurt yourself.  Just keep looking at those most precious children of yours and know that there is no one in this world that could take your place with them and how devestated they would be without you.

You know what they say?  The squeaky wheel gets the grease.  So squeak REALLY loud!  

One day at a time. . . .

[Ingrid444]

Thanks for your advice, it helps to know someone is listening to my pain and frustration. I seem to be feeling ok today even though it has been stressful with two small kids to care for, they seem to be exceptionally wound up and full of the sillies. They don't care if you feel tired, depressed, and frustrated, as they are too young to understand and shouldn't have to suffer for my lack of energy. My husband is very understanding and tries his best to pick up the slack, it would be really great to feel happy about the good things I have in life. I wish I could feel happy, joyful and at peace.
Again thanks.... one day at a time.

[shawn47]

You sound like a very sensable, rational person.  With no one seemingly on your side it's DAMN lonely.  Trust your judgment about waiting for an appointment or going to the ER straightaway.  shawn

[Ingrid444]

I went to the clinic, but their was no dr on call. So I went back 5 long hours later, and finally the doc was in. He basically said that there was nothing he could do right then at the clinic but if I felt sucidal I was to go to the emergency ward in the hospital up town. He said that would fast track me into getting help faster to see a psychiatrist. He also said it would be best to make an appointment with my current dr so she could adjust the dose of meds. I have to call Monday morning to set one up as they couldn't fit me in today. What ****. Do I have to go in with bandages on my wrists to get help! My Mom came with me, and she really does try to understand, but no one really can understand how I feel right now. It's hard to talk to family about this as it is very personal, it seems easier to talk to strangers like you that can relate with no judgement. I do appreciate your comments and I will go to the hospital if I become overwhelmed again. Hopfully I can convince my dr that I am a ticking bomb...... one day at a time.....

[Barb925]

You are doing the right thing going to a clinic. If you are suicidal, You may need hospitalization where you will be safe. I'm sure though that the clinic will help. Keep us posted. There are people in this forum that really do care.

Good Luck and God Bless

Barb

[shawn47]

hi, Ingrid444 -- That's very smart to get into a clinic.  Do not be shy to say you've been suicidal.  You need crisis-type help right now.  Going to a clinic may get you into seeing a psychiatrist sooner than not going.  Get assistance for how you're feeling now.  Then see the docs about what's causing it, and the proper drugs to take.  One thing at a time, eh?  shawn