Are you in control?

[moody2u]

When a bipolar person is very irritable during hypomania or depression are they in control of what the do and say? I feel like it`s in the heat of the moment kind of thing when people say mean things. Then looking back at how they acted when they are calm or in a better mood they realize they may have hurt people. I`ve read that you shouldn`t bring up the past or dwell on anything that happens, because a bipolar person may feel worse when their mood goes to depression, but I don`t want to be a doormat people can just walk all over. Where do you draw the line? Its not a get out of jail free card is it?

[Crystal413]

Ther is a big difference if your stable or not. I will speak of myself and not generalize to other people. An unstable hypomanic, manic or even mixed states with anger and irritability are not in control. They will calm down and feel bad for their behavior and not being able to keep it together but they are not doing it on purpose. Many of times it's in the moment and all self control over a situation goes out the window. It has taken me a lot of therapy, pdoc's and medication to just break the ice. It is a work in progress. How many yrs will it take me, I don't know. What I can say is that it is a terrible behavior to have to live with and I never know when it's going to show it's ugly face. And our loved ones get hurt, confused and want to help. Being stable is a whole other successful story. Bipolar has different phases and we are always trying to figure them out as well as being on guard. I hope this gives you a little insight.

[moody2u]

Wow it sounds like you are describing what my boyfriend is going through. He is 30 years old and has a lot of anger for no reason and gets extremely irritable and irrational. He has his days where he says he`s depressed and he seems really mad not sad. He sleeps all weekend cause he`s exhausted from trying to get everything done at once with very little sleep. Working on different projects that can wait. Then he sleeps and eventually evens out to a "normal" mood. Then after a week or so it starts all over. He`s never really seemed manic to the point he`s delusional, but he`s certainly made me ask if he was on speed. He has bad money skills and as far as I know had not had any sexual indiscretions, but now has a porn collection. I am trying to get him help anyway I can, it`s just getting worse and is outbursts are more intense. Best of luck and thank you for sharing!

[johnnyky]

I haven't been diagnosed yet (see my thread) but strongly suspect I am bipolar with anxiety disorder & ocd. It just all seems to make sense. I get these intensely manic phases where I am highly on edge, irritable, for no reason, and feel intense rage and anger for no reason. Sometimes I clench my fists or grit my teeth & cuss out loud to myself for no reason. It's kind of scary actually. I also get extremely hypersexual & seek out random sex for gratification, & have racing thoughts, & paranoia thinking people are all staring at me in public or even following me when driving.

My main symptoms seem to be mania, haven't had depression to the point of laying in bed for days & crying, but I do have a ton of self-imposed isolation & rapid mood swings from sadness to hyperactivity to anger, sometimes during a single day. But my manic symptoms tend to last for days on end. Currently I've been in a period of about 10 days where I've had casual sex, angry thoughts, & I am hoping I can get a solid diagnosis once & for all to figure out what is going on. I strongly suspect some type of bipolar. I've noticed it's gotten worse as I've gotten older, I am 31 now.

[moody2u]

Thank you very much for your insight! The concept of expressed emotion is very helpful. Its hard to see how the bipolar person sees things, when I`ve never experienced it. I`ve been able to ignore most behavior, but when outside people who don`t understand, even his moher, says he shouldn`t behave this way and I deserve better it becomes difficult to see what`s going on. Thank you

[KimStuart]

Hi Moody,

I believe that you always have a choice. .. and no, it's not a 'get out of jail free' card.

However having said that, control is a difficult thing to learn. It takes time and generally outside help is needed. It takes loads of practice.

The problem lies in that the person themselves often do not think/realize that they may be acting irrational. It makes perfect sense to simply throw a tantrum and say things that hurt, because at the time that is how you feel. it is not a responsible way of acting, but then bi-polar isn't. neither is it an excuse though!

You can learn to control impulses. That unfortunately takes time and lots of effort, seasoned with patience (from oneself and from others) and the want to not constantly explode/ cry/ feel utter miserable or so elated that you put yourself in danger.
Medication and/ or therapy may help.

How do you become rational if you thought pattern is irrational? Ppl telling you, that you are irrational only infuriates, because it is something you have no way of checking other than trusting others and that is very difficult with persons having bi-polar as it leaves you open to possible abuse/ ridicule.
(i.e. I used to hallucinate. visually and audibly. It was terrible.How do put a check in place for if what you hear/see is or isn't real? I had a boyfriend at the time who would lie to me just for kicks. Would tell me things I saw were real and played on my fears. I didn't know any different resulting in a very miserable situation. It was remedied however. I dumped him after noticing and then got a puppy, who has by now turned into the most amazing reality checker for me. If I was what  I thought was hallucinating I turned to my dog and if she heard or saw something, it was obviously real. If she didn't, I calmed myself enough to seek help. because if it's not real it can't harm/hurt me. BUT this takes time and needs a lot of insight as well as support from ppl you can trust!)

Your behavior is led by how and what you think. Thinking itself is a chemical process.That is where medication comes in.

Coming back to what I said in the beginning. You always have a choice. Controlling those choices is what may be difficult, but you are always responsible for the way you act and the results your actions cause. The first positive act is realizing what the problem is.. from there you can start sorting it out. and with 'you' I refer to the person with bi-polar. Nothing happens if you do not want to attempt to change your position to the positive or at the very least stable.

I hope what I wrote helps..

regards

Kim

[ILADVOCATE]

  This type of behavior can be unhealthy and inappropriate. However
there are ways to cope with it while still preserving emotional boundaries.
A helpful thing to learn about is the concept of expressed emotion.
My psychiatrist explained this to a family member. You can look up the term. Avoiding it is a way of not triggering reactions but also not accepting unhealthy or negative attention seeking behavior. Also this doesn't always occur in bipolar as the predominant concern and many people who stabilize are able to minimize this. NAMI friends and family support groups
can be helpful for learning coping skills and sharing ideas.