Why do I keep using guys for sex?

[angel193]

Grrr I am so numb right now. I just dont understand why I get bored of guys as soon as I have used them for sex.
I have met some really nice and kind guys over the last few years, but for some reason once I have slept with them a few times and totally messed their head and heart up, I just calmly and with no emotion tell them I dont want to see them anymore.
I know its not nice and they must think I am crazy but a switch just clicks and that it, dont like them no-more.
PLEASE does anyone else feel like this, and can anyone understand this horrid behaviour. Thank you.

[Dalubaba]

I wonder whether my answer will be appropriate with this complicated situation.
A spiritual guru explains that we have seven bodies. Two are female and two are male and the rest three bodies are neutral. One can visualize playing with one’s opposite body sexually. This should be done without guilt. Eventually one is released from sexual problem. Anybody can do this mental exercise. Using our own body will be free from guilt.
I think this is based on gestalt psychology. It says that your wish/desire should be satisfied actually or virtually. Subconscious mind accepts actual or virtual. Once the desire is satisfied actually or mentally, the energy locked up in frustration is released and a person becomes normal. There could be no harm in trying this technique

[zzzmykids]

Dear Angel,
There are so many things I think are going through my head. I want to remain detatched but it is hard. First I know you just turned twenty. I was younger, much younger. The song, "Looking for love in all the wrong places". Also, looking for love because your father didn't show attention or affection.Then there is the being afraid of intimacy. All of these need to be discussed with your psych. Which reminds me....do you HAVE a Psychiatrist?? I did not get diagnosed until early forties as I told you before. BUT I can go back to at least eleven and see the out of control behavior. I picked guys that I thought "loved" me, I was drop dead gorgeous, no lie, and I thought I was sooo ugly. So finding guys who would make out with me was awesome and later bed me. But they broke up with me. The best one was a friend with benefits, I know now he loved me, but was afraid to say it, anyways, any time my parents went out of town he would spend the night so I would not get scared. He never broke up with me, because we were just friends, he kinda ignored me at school because he was really cool but if I needed to talk it was kinda ok.
The scarey part is from becoming active sexually, I never used protection, it was the seventies, aids was discovered in the eighties. But I could have gotten pregnant!
I could have got a really bad name. Luckily it was only a few guys over h.s. years.
You are playing russian roulette...do you know what that is? If not ask me later.
Angel, one of these times you are going to tick off the wrong guy and the results are not going to be good for you.
Also since tracking back so far I can say when I became sexually active, it was partly my Dad and his lack of emotional attachment to his girls but it was also my new addiction I had to have it! Had it steady with the first guy, daily for two years. Then an addict without a score, I ran to my friend, when he found out who the first guy was he was really angry because the two of them were night and day. One a braggart and told all sorts of things and the friend reserved and discreet. Angel, I was lucky.
You live in a different age, guys don't respect girls and they become very angry. You could ask my daughter about her b.f. that raped her repeatedly when she said no one night. She has never told me, an old boyfriend and her sister told me, it broke my heart for her. Don't become a statistic.
Remember I am a Christian, but what I used to say to the girls what you privately do behind a closed door by yourself is better than finding someone to do it with and a whole lot safer....zzzmykids

[ILADVOCATE]

If you are seeing a psychiatrist you might want to talk to them about dissociative identity disorder. I've known some people with bpd and this was not part of what they experienced nor from what I read part of bpd in general, although it can occur as a co-existing diagnosis but only a psychiatrist would understand this in full.

[heyjude1]

You know I have noticed I do not have the sysmtems as bad as I use too.  I think some of it is just growing older and experiencing more of life itself has taught us different ways of thinking and our needs have changed .  I have found my Bipolar has become more prevelant as I've aged.

From what I can understand about BPD, alot of times a trauma (in my case) in childhood seems to slow down our ability to progress emotionally...very simple explanation but it makes sense.

[Snakenstein]

Well I looked up the criteria. And even though I do not display it anymore. I did very much when I was a child/young teen. Its actually a completely separate persona for me I call "The Little Girl". But I killed and buried it long ago, it still comes out sometimes when im not thinking and it lurks and talks inside. Could I still have BPD in this circumstance?
My normal personality, or Savanna really enjoys her alone time though. Naturally introverted. Naturally compassionate, doesn't fear self harm, doesn't fear abandonment..But she really doesn't do the dating..

Sometimes I wonder how deep my mental problems are. Hmp.

[heyjude1]

I have had to thoughts about this, both can be a symptom of BPD.  One is putting someone on a pedestal and then finding and seeing everything wrong with them unil you doom them a loser.  Secondly, is being afraid of attachment and being rejected, it's like I will let go of you before you have a chance to hurt me.  I've done both very aware of what I was thinking...

[angel193]

Hello.... just want to say a BIG THANK YOU for all of your posts here, they have all helped alot :o)
I'm seeing my Doc on Thursday, will update! x

[BeeKeeper]

Speaking as someone struggling with BP II and BPD, I would strongly suggest you look at the DSM-IV definition of BPD and you will find your action match closely.  Tools to help manage this are DBT and CBT....but I will tell you from experience...it's hard.  You are fighting your own natural tendencies/compulsions and if those compulsions have been there for many years...it makes proactively fighting them harder.  There are success stories so it worth investing time into it for your own sanity.  Best advice is to seek out some help on this one.

[ILADVOCATE]

There is a specific forum for bpd so you might try posting there as my and most people's here knowledge of bpd is second hand. I do know it is treated with dbt therapy in addition to medication and talk therapy but other people who have experienced it could explain the specifics of how this works out to discuss with a psychiatrist.

[Snakenstein]

BPD*

[Snakenstein]

Even when you say looking for the next prey. I went through this phase that as soon as I broke up with a guy, I dated another..The day of! =/
Oh boy, dont I just radiate mental stability.
I just dont like people...I'll look up BDP...

[Snakenstein]

Wow, angel you sound exactly like me. I like the first kiss, a little emotional/physical comfort,and then seemingly out of know where it turns sour. I end up noticing everything I hate about them, slowly, making things up even, then I completely detach and leave them heartbroken. I have not been able to keep a relationship more than I few months. Hell sometimes I do the same thing to friends. A month or two of infatuation then bam! stop talking to them..

Every. Single. One.

I dont think I have BPD though..

[zsadia]

What you're engaging in can not only be detrimental to your own health but also to other's. Have you ever wondered what if one of these guys suffer from depression/bipolar disorder and the affect it could have on them?

Get some treatment from a professional psychiatrist ASAP and stop indulging in manic behavior!

[angel193]

Yesss, I fall totally in love with them straight away,and then after a few dates, I cant stop thinking horrid things about them and cant wait for them to leave. Then when they do I feel no emotion or loss and 5 mins later I am back to searching the internet for my next prey! After re-reading this I sound like a bad person, but I'm not, just a bit lost....

[heyjude1]

I guess I'm going with Ildvocate, it could be BPD, Boderline Personality Disorder.  Perhaps you should take a look at the symptoms, there are many to be dx as BPD.  Of course your doc would be the best.  BPD can be healed by much therapy.

[heyjude1]

Do you put them on a pedestal when the relationship begins and then find them at the bottom of the barrel after awhile??

[ILADVOCATE]

You might want to find out more about bpd and speak to your psychiatrist about that but it would of course depend on whether this behavior extends to other aspects of your life and only a psychiatrist could understand this completely.

[adel_ezz]

perhaps as your mood fluctuates, when hyper you enjoy it, and then when depressed you feel some guilt so you want to blow up everything. Of course bipolars tend to get bored quickly or like they say "hard to please" because sure someone of those you must have met, you met him again and wished to know him more. Otherwise your story seems peculiar.

Needless to say, all behaviours happen to BP and non BP, for instance cruelty is not specific to bipolars or selfishness , etc.... so there "exists" a non-bipolar who feels the same way. so don't be bothered by your strange behaviour, it's them whom i sympathise with.