bipolar mothers

[Malaksharif]

hi worriers,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,yes i think if you are out there bipolar mothers ,then you are the bravest most crazy worriers,,,,,,,,,,am not a mother yet and not sure if i can be one,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,am bipolar 2 married for almost 4 years now,,,and panicking of being a mum,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,i cannot ask care of my husband all the time to be responsible of a child 24/7


PLEASE if any one out there managing her life with her children,,,,,tell me how,,,,,,,,,,tell me what am gonna face ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,tell me of any coping techniques that are keeping you a live,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Did anyone's child developed anxiety or depression just because of living with a bipolar mother

HELP PLEASE

[zzzmykids]

I am a mom, now children grown and I can reflect as they also expound on their childhood. One is 31 with two children and married the other is 27 and about to be married with no children. All lived with us up until about four months ago. We all had our space.  Grandaughter asked...she is five....Momo why do you sleep so much?  this was during a very difficult med adjustment period and having all these people under foot!
Both girls are graduates of well known colleges.  One had availability to pdoc and used it for two years, she is most like me but not bp. Other, most like her father, gentle, slow to anger and first born.  Both are healthy, both are friends with eachother.  One is full time Mom and other is full time banker.  We are all Christians and I believe this is the reason we made it through.  I was not diagnosed until my early forties BUT  I know I was bp2 at least since about early teens. I was functioning, there, had a few careers along the way which is the only thing I regret. One is a hugger and you always know what is on her mind, the other is steadfast, both loyal, the eldest does not hug or kiss very often but she is the first one there when there is a need.
Raise them better than you were raised, go to MOPS if you can when they are preschoolers, keep them active even when you can not be active and have intimate core of friends aware of your bp who will step in when you cannot function.
Now, I am going to email my two, who have said they had a very good childhood and knew/know they are loved.  Good luck.

[Malaksharif]

thank you all for your supportive posts..

you give me hope and make it feel possible to have children and be a bipolar parent,,,,,,,,,,,i hope it is really this way

[cowgirlnerd]

You will be fine - you worrying shows that you are self-aware enough that you know what's going on.  I have a 20 year old and a 10 year old and they are both functioning well-adjusted people.  They both understand my disorder as making me a little "different" at times, and are fine with it.  My 20 year old tells me he wouldn't have traded me for another mother for a million dollars....that feels pretty awesome.  My 10 year old doesn't really know WHAT is the matter with me, but is ok with whatever it is.  (labels at that age - I dont' feel is healthy).  

Be patient with yourself, and understand that bipolar or not - parents screw up.  

You will be fine.

[Xila31]

Kids can be very indipendant. My 3 year old, when I get home from work he runs to the front door yelling "MOMMY!" Then I ask, "Can I have a kiss?" And he says, "No," and goes about his business of playing or watching cartoons.

On the other hand, one night he asked me to watch t.v. with him. He even patted the couch and said, "Sit here, mommy, watch a funny show with me."

Sometimes they need cuddles and hugs, other times they just want to play. Then when he's 16 he'll drive off to go to a friend's house and I'll be sitting there pulling my hair out hoping he's safe!

[tweekie]

I understand how you feel needing time to your self. It is absolutely necessary to your mental health and sanity. Read Alduous Huxley's Island, and see the excerpts on parenting.  Your kids need a break from you too. In order to be a better parent you need to take time to take care of yourself. Don't feel guilty, you love your children just as much as anyone else does, if not more because you take time to take care of yourself.  Love your self and you will love your children.

[Malaksharif]

i do not mind at all Ezz,,,,,,,, actually am so happy to see you cheerful in this message,,,,hope you are doing well

actually i will be more than happy to search you a fiance ,,,,but do not you think i need more info about you young man ((:P...................just kidding ))



((((i just disagree with you on one thing,,,,,,,,,,,i feel children are a burden than a blessing,,,,,,,,,,,,,,i cannot take care of myself or my husband 24/7,,,,,,,,,,,,,,i need plenty of time on my own during the day doing nothing,,,,,,just staying alone at least 3 hours,,,,,,,,,that is why i thank God for my husband,,,,it is in his nature to give me the space i need because he is the same way,,,,,,,,,,,,,,


what cause me to panic  is that i know that i cannot dedicate myself to anything or anyone all the time,,,,,,,,,,,,,,i need lots of breaks((hope i surprise myself someday))

thank you for you optimistic post Ezz and good luck

[adel_ezz]

Hi Malak

Though not a mother myself, at least not yet, ha ha !!, but i can respond to your question.

THERE ARE NO RULES IN LIFE. You may worry that you will not be able to look after your children, but you will be amazed to know that i have a relative of mine she had 2 children (boys) and she always had agoraphobia and major depression from childhood to old age, she is 60 now and her 2 boys are taking care of her. One is a successful accountant the other one the head of an IT company. Incidentally she lives in Alex.

Mind you when you have children, your anxiety in my view will lessen not increase, this is revolutionary opinion of mine of course, because our anxiety is based upon our frustration. when you look after somebody else you have something else to do which makes your life busy 24/7 and you forget about your own problems. for example i developed spastic coloumn from anxiety, my doc told me soon when you get involved in something else it will go, and it did after i am occupied with my work

something important :: my 2 pdocs encourage me to get married, they base their view on what i am telling you, to get involved doing something else (most probably my wife will make my life hell) instead of writing to this forum or worry about my BP whether it is getting better or worse. There is a proverb: forget about your problems and they will forget you.

NB: if you find me a nice fiance tell me.!! I am sorry to take your letter humorously but believe me, worry more now about getting the children first, then when Inshallah you get them then start worrying abt their upbringing  

[Xila31]

My kids are still really young, 7 and 3. My oldest one though does show signs of anxiety. He has a tendancy to lie when he gets nervous or is in trouble. He also will say he's sick or hurt and cries really easy. I'm worried he has something or will develope something since I was so sensitive too as a kid. Luckily I know what the heck to do unlike my parents.

The baby is very energetic and stubborn with a temper. I'm pretty sure he's normal and takes after his dad at this point.

What is hard for me is too much stimulation all at once. I am not a good multi-tasker and I tend to drown things out really easily when I'm over loaded. I had post-pardum issues with both. I got through it fine, though, considering. Plus, with my abandoment issues with my oldest I had this intense fear that from the moment he was born he would hate me. I didn't have that the second time. But, I always fear they're going to go away somehoe, like be stolen or run away. I can't think about it.

Anyway, since all bipolar is different, it is hard to say. I do get snappy and it is hard when I'm depressed and it is hard when I'm suicidal and it is hard when I'm freaking out. I just do the best I can and sometimes I have no idea how I do it. But I would rather be home with my kids all the time. Since that isn't possible and I work I think it breaks things up sometimes it is a break, but I would still rather be home.