How to get your life back and be responsible with illness? acceptance? too late at 43?

[wendie13]

Help? Hello I knew to website. I am struggling deeply to accept this illness. It has really ravished my life and I constantly feel like a weirdo. I have such a negative view of it because I had such fear as a child compared negatively to mom and grandma(mentally ill) I found it hard to except illness because I didn't do drugs and they wanted me to take them. Anyway, I like my self when I am high and think others do to because of energy. I have never been committed but I always run to institutions doctor to doctor It is hard for me to trust doctors I have trust issues. Well life has spun out of control. My husband and I were married 10 years crazy marriage . Abuse,alcohol and my illness.We lost house in recession, cars , pets and finally my role as a mom. His mother took over when we moved in. I acted out began drinking heavily and got into trouble. I felt very inferior to mom incompetent. I am now living in sisters home. I am heartbroken  no one understands me I hate myself for being so weak?

[lilymoon]

Sounds like your biggest problem is self esteem,I bet there are lots of wonderful things about you! Can you name some? In your post I see for instance;someone who wants to do good,can express herself very well etc you could ask your friends why they like you,start looking at things even little things youre proud of.lily

[looloo141]

Hi Wendi, your life seems text book to this illness, relationship breakups, feeling inferior, alcohol etc..try not to think you are a weirdo, you are not! I am only 30 and I have been through the same or similar.. I had children very young and this reactivated the childhood illness I had.. I totally neglected my kids, saw no wrong in it, took drugs, alcohol, got married, it was violent, he cheated etc..

You have recently lost everything, your home, kids, aand your husband...no matter how hard that marriage was or complicated, you have still lost it! How on earth do you expect to feel??

I stayed with my sister also, but to be honest it was just an escape, I didnt really sort anything out.. I came back to hometown and started to rebuild my life and you can too!!


First of all despite your resistance I think you really really need to sit down and think about things, maybe after all this pain you would like to try some meds?
It can't make things any worse for you and when you feel a bit better you might be able to get people to see the real you...

You can't afford to lose anything else and I really think you need to find a doctor, ask for some therapy along side the meds to help you with the trust issues, you don't have to follow in your mother and Grandmothers footsteps but right now you are..

I don't think any of us really accept this illness, sometimes I think I do, sometimes I think I don't, we just do our best, we take our meds, and look to a happier future..but you've got to want it..its a struggle finding the right meds, and the will to go on somedays!!

I'm sorry I can't write more or anything of any use but I'm struggling myself today..totally lost!!

Love and Hugs