Help

[Marie837]

I'm too embarassed to go to the doctor, or to therapy but I really need to know what's wrong with me.

I am incredibly shy, but the problem is that to the rest of the world, I'm the loudest person around. I act the clown all the time and feel like I have become so seperated from who I really am that I don't really know what I am anymore. People would laugh at the idea that someone as laid back and shallow as me would even be writing something like this but the truth is I constantly think about things in life, I worry so much about everything around me and whenever I try to bring up issues with friends they just laugh. Sometimes I feel like killing myself, I used to be intelligent but nowadays I can't even think properly, my head's in a mess. Sometimes, I even hear voices screaming in anger in my mind.

Aswell as this, I have never had sex before because I'm so insecure over my body.It absolutely disgusts me and I'm so ashamed of it and believe I have reason to be ashamed.Aswell as this I think I feel afraid to let go of my last aspect of my innocence or something. I feel like no one gets me and this makes me so lonely and depressed. None of my so called friends have interests in anything outside social engagements so I never really talk to them. I become obsessed with books, people etc and I don't know why. I have become far too dependant on my mother but even she doesn't really understand, I don't know anyone else like me.

[triedeverymed]

Absolutely not your fault but it is important to get a diagnosis so you can be treated with meds and freed from all these awful thoughts. You don't need to live like this, don't be embarrassed to see a psychiatrist. They have seen and heard much worse. You deserve to feel better, enjoy life, and discover who you really are. I bet it's a pretty neat person!!
Erin

[Venora Moonwind]

PCmanic is right. see a psychiatrist and get evaluated. therapy is needs also  to help you deal with your confidence and self image issues Its not embarrassing to admit you need help and that is  how you will be able to help yourself by seeing the doctor and going from there.
keep us posted.
Love Venora

[pcmanic]

Hey, none of this is your fault! Bipolar disorder is caused by a chemistry problem in the brain. It's not yor fault when you get a cold, is it? Please help your self and see a doctor! The treatments nowadays are so much better! I know exactly what you are feeling! I could have wrote the same post a few years ago. But now, with the proper treatment I am the real me!