recently diagnose and still confused

[spex299]

I have been signed off of work since mid december with "depression", which last thursday was confirmed to be manic depression, considering the addition of elated hypomanic states I have been having.
At this very moment i am on my way up to a high (see my tracker) and have several feelings I still am not sure about.
firstly I have this feeling people are not talking to me on IM,
secondly, my senses seem to have increased greatly - the lightbulbs appear to flicker, orange juice feels like a taste explosion, and i everything has a fantastic tactile feel. i'm finding myself drawn into music to the point where i become obsessed with one piece bacuase it strikes a chord with me at that particular time.
thats another thing with music, i have stages when im really low/really high where I cannot listen to music as I skip each song after a few seconds having become bored, or irritated by it. this distresses me because I love my music and it is the one thing in my life that has remained a constant love.
sorry if this is all rambled
m fingers can hardly keep up with my thoughts at the oment so you are lucky have this!
any words of wisdom would be greatly aprpreciated

oh as for medication I have been on citalopram for the last 2 months but has not had an affect at stabalising my moods, and the pshychiatrist is at the moment deciding which medication would suit me the best.

Thanks again

[spex]

[bernie40]

You only had to wait 6 weeks!  That's not bad going for our NHS, lol - I think the average in my county is about 13 weeks.

In answer to your question, yes you have always had it.  BP manifests itself at different times in different people.  You will probably find yourself looking back quite a lot and thinking "oh yes" now I understand why I did that, acted like that, experienced that feeling etc etc.  The spectrum of BP is very wide and it could be that you were showing milder signs of it in childhood.  There is some very interesting research about "kindling" which looks at how untreated BP will at some point become worse.  However, I shouldn't worry too much about this at this stage, something you may want to read about once you have got a better handle on your current situation.

As regards therapy, there are many who really do benefit from it alongside medication.  For instance learning how to manage depression so that you are better prepared for those "lows".  Dealing with anger etc.  I certainly wouldn't be ruling it out completely until you have given it a shot.  To contradict myself completely though, I tend to err on the side of your psych on this one.  However I can see how learning to manage your symptoms would be very beneficial.  You can tell from those last few sentences that I often argue with myself!!! lol.

Proper medication will slow down your rapid cycling considerably - an anti-depressant will not do this you need a mood stabilizer.  I have phases of rapid cycling and this have been almost eradicated since being on lithium which also stops my highs being too high or my lows being too low.

Don't apologise for the questions, you need to ask them so that you can learn as much as you can about having BP and how to deal with it effectively.  You will never stop asking questions - I still am!

[spex299]

Firstly thankyou to everyone who has responded± Its really reassuring that other people have been/are going through the same as me and are here to support each other =]

I have a fantastic GP who recognised possible Bipolar immediately - the citalopram was to take the very bottom of the lows away as they were causing my to be unable to function in every day life (would just lie in bed and not eat sleep or move much just "stare")

The worst part was the NHS's 6 week waiting list to see the pdoc, so have had rather a roller coaster ride as my condition appears to rapid cycle.

That was another thing - does rapid cycling ever slow down? I know that in some people you can go from 1 - 2 episodes a year to a faster cycle but can that occur naturally the other way round?

The pdoc didnt offer CBT, group therepy, or councilling as apparently they wil not help me, as there was no trigger for my condition.

Is it possible I have had this all my life just not been so severe to be recognised?

Looking back there have been 2 periods a few years apart where I had 2-3 months of very bad depression, and my mum recalls as a child, on occasions me saying I feel "all leapy and i want to run about".

sorry about all the questions!

[spex]

[bernie40]

Hi, welcome to the site.  There is little I can add to the good advice shared with you by rliz and ILADVOCATE.

An anti-depressant on it's own is not good if you have bipolar.  I personally have been on citalopram and it was not a nice experience.  You need to speak to your Dr or your psychiatrist as soon as possible as your mania could get worse - it's always better to seek the help while you are still able to recognise that something is wrong.

All of the symptoms you described can be associated with hypomania or mania, heightened senses, paranoia, irritability, etc

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

[ILADVOCATE]

Makes sense. There is also bipolar with psychotic features. With that a person only has psychotic thoughts during moodswings not all the time as in schizoaffective disorder (which as regards the psychosis I have made a full recovery from but I well remember the past). Naturally, none of us can make a diagnosis but all these ideas are worth speaking over with your psychiatrist so they can better help you and change your medication if warranted. Just explain some of the new symptoms you've been having in this light and talk it over with them and then let them come to a conclusion from there.

[ILADVOCATE]

And remember its not just "hearing voices". Its rarer but hallucinations can occur in all five senses. I know this because I experienced that before my current recovery from schizoaffective disorder. Some of what you describe might be psychotic as well. I would strongly say mania is occuring but that might not be all. So yes in that case an anti-depressent on its own might worsen things and what would be needed is a mood stabilizer and perhaps an antipsychotic. Of course only a psychiatrist can provide a diagnosis but discuss all this with your psychiatrist. And if you want more information on mood disorders and mood stabilizers go to the websites on the links page such as "Depression Central".

[spex299]

Sorry forgot to mention I was having highs BEFORE starting on the citalopram