Question abt Bi Polar and relationships

[backtomyselfoneday]

Hey friends, I'm not new to this site, but new to this topic.
First, can anyone please help me by explaining exactly what Bi Polar Disorder is? I have a fairly new relationship of 3 months and out of the blue she tells me she has had a very hard time with relationships lasting more than a few months for whatever reasons. So far we've had a great relationship and I saw no real issues. This past weekend, I sensed that something "off". I wasn't sure what it was, but she wasn't as lovey or as close. Anyway...she said she wanted to talk to me, and decided it was easier to write me an email instead of talking on the phone. She said it was easier for her that way, so I was totally okay with that. We've already traded the "I love yous" and have talked about our future together, etc.
The letter said that she had some psychological issues she needed to deal with, and that she hasn't been very successful at keeping a partner for more than 3 months. She told me when she was younger (now 26) she was diagnosed with Bi polar and was put on meds. I don't know what kind or how many, but she said they didn't work and hasn't ever taken them again. She told me in the letter that she's been trying to deal with it alone, or try to just get through it without help. She said she now realizes this won't go away on its own and wants to seek therapy. Basically, she wants to find out why she can't stay in a healthy relationship. She wasn't going to bring up that she had the BPD diagnosis at one time because she wanted her to make her own professional opinion. Obviously, I told her to be totally honest about everything, especially that. She wants to keep our relationship together and I do too. I feel she is my soulmate for sure.
I told her I would stick by her no matter what, that we can work on this together. So that's the background info for my questions about BPD. Are there decent medicines/treatments out there for this? Does it make sense about her not being able to keep steady, long term relationships? Is this common with this disorder? Any info would be very much appreciated.

[backtomyselfoneday]

Wow...thanks for the thoughts and suggestions guys. I will look into the reading material as well. I understand the depression part of it, as I have been on depression meds for years, but I'm not familiar with the mania part. I know things will be tough, and it pains me to see her going thru any of this. I'm just happy she decided to seek help before it ruined our relationship. I will have to learn how it works with her and what to expect at times. Seems like that will be the thing I can do to help.

Thanks again for your input, I may be back for help and I will tell her about this group.

[grannymusiclover]

I also recommend Jamison's book. She has bipolar disorder herself and is now a psychiatric professor at a prestigious university in California. If you want some real basics right now, I can give you some. I am bipolar, and am in treatment--so far, successfully. Bipolar disorder used to be called, maic-depressive disorder. As the name suggests, those affected alternate between depression and mania. Depression is pretty much self-explanatory. Mania is when your mood gets elevated. This means you would get either extremely happy, out-going to the point of being rude, think you can do anything and everything, loud, and tend to indulge in things like sexual indiscretions, driving fast or other risky behaviors OR extremely irritated, quick to be offended, yell at others, get really angry easily, and other behaviors similar to that. When your mood is up and down so frequently, it is very hard to maintain a relationship--you never know what to expect from one minute to the next. Am I making sense? The good thing is that most people with bipolar disorder can be successfully treated with a combination of therapy and medication. Since this disorder has been found to be a biological one, meds are almost always a necessity. You have to take them consistently if you want results. Therapy as well. It helps to give support and teaches skills for handling the illness and also in getting along with others. Your friend cannot handle it by herself. It's just not that simple. By the way, it's abbreviated: BD, not BPD. BPD is short for Borderline Personality Disorder. It's an entirely different disorder with different treatments. Hope some of this helps. If you have other questions, just ask me. I majored in psychology in college and have dealt with bipolar disorder for 16 years, depression for an added 23 years, so--I know a little about it. Best wishes, grannymusiclover.

[BipolarBear75]

I for one have had ALOT of relationship problems. I am divorced and after a few other failed attempts at relationships I am single.

I think that it is fabulous that you didn't just run away from her when she told you because trust me that was probably very hard for her to do.

I would suggest the book "Bipolar Disorder for Dummies". I couldn't believe they had that book either but my psychopharmacologist recommended it to me. The book that Yarrow suggested is great too as an autobiography as well as "Manic" from Terry Cheney and "Madness" by Marya Horenbacher (not too sure how to spell that one).

This will be a long road for both of you (especially since she is now going to start medication....that takes awhile to get to the right "cocktail". But she may all that much better with someone by her side. Please don't take any outbursts personally because they are bound to happen out of frustration.

Wish you both the best. You should encourage her to come to this site as well.....just a thought.

[yarrow]

You sound like a remarkable person, but this is going to take some heavy duty understanding and a lot of study on your part.  I suggest you start with Kay Redfield Jamison's excellent book, "An Unquiet Mind."

Go from there, and the best to you.