20842584 tn?1533055115

Desperate for help coping with BPD and relationships.

The question is above, as is. My immense emotional issues are tearing me apart and it doesn't help that I have a partner who is more or less "crazy" as well, who completely abandons me, dumps on me, insults me and hurts me whenever there's conflict between us. When there's no conflict, he can actually be supportive and help to get me through panic attacks or emotional crises that come on at random.  If we even get into the LIGHTEST of arguments though, even about something stupid like a brand of coffee or an opinion on a TV show, things can fly out of control within minutes; he can go from telling me I'm the most beautiful woman in the world and he can't do without me, to "GTFO you stupid b*tch, you'll never find anyone else, you are f*cking batsh*t crazy" etc. etc.  I'm constantly blamed because apparently I'm the one who's too sensitive and who "sets him off" to begin with. It is terribly emotionally abusive and yes I know I probably should leave for both our sakes, but that isn't the issue.

As it stands, I have no choice currently but to be here and to try to keep things together with him. I'm not working, I'm a constant wreck. I was working before, from home, but now there's nothing for me and no one to help me. I have to make this work and I need to know how others cope with being too sensitive or too paranoid, or need help dealing with a difficult spouse without having things spiral out of control.

If you need a bit of background first, I've had these issues since I was 18, I've been down at least a dozen medications since then (none worked), as well as sessions of CBT, DBT, counselors, psychiatrists, psychologists. I've tried abandoning all of that the past six years or so, to try and get better on my own but now it's worse than it's ever been and I feel like I have no purpose in this world anymore. So hard to even get out of bed, especially knowing I have no job or anything going for me. I don't drive. Don't have friends.

Anyway, if anyone can help me deal with the relationship issues I'd love a few tips to turn around in my brain. Thanks...
1 Responses
Avatar universal
Hi there,  I can relate as I have always had the most difficult with my intimate relationships. I would advise that you need to focus on yourself, once you are healthier and can think clearly you may be able to evaluate your relationship and if it is healthy. He shouldn't put you down, he should be supportive for you. Anyway, I have been diagnosed with BPD about 2 years ago. I finally "accepted" this term, and have been trying to figure out how to manage my crazy sensitivity and mood swings. Lately my anxiety has been awful, to the point i am PARANOID my boyfriend doesnt want to be in this, and i have such compulsive behavior thats very toxic. Just know you are not alone in desperately wanting to feel "normal" and be the best version of yourself so that the relationship feels secure and not such a rollercoaster. I was just started on lamictal 3 weeks ago...25mg for 7 days, then 50mg for 7 days, then 75mg for 7 days..tomorrow I finally hit 100mg. I fet in the beginning it helped.. but the past week i had some serious rage fits and today i have that "guilt" feeling where im sick to my stomach. I heard that lamictal needs time to help, so i am still very optimistic and i need to give it time. I also take ritalin 10mg twice a day. Sometimes I feel the ritalin makes my mood worse, or causes the irritability and anger. But, i dont want to stop it because it gives me the motivation to function. Without it, i feel like i am constantly exhausted and umotivated. I also was prescribed seroquel to take 'as needed' and until the lamictal kicks in they said i wont need it. However, this past week i feel like i been taking it often. I want to take one now as we speak, because i feel so anxious and sick to my stomach and have those negative racing thoughts. I have also done therapy my whole life, i am trying to switch therapists now. I would suggest maybe trying medication to help stabilize you and definitely talk to someone. Just know you are not alone, and i feel your struggle. Hope i could help in anyway...
Thank you so much for writing this. Sorry for the delayed response. This is just so hard to deal with - even worse for me because my bf has issues of his own, which seem to be nearly schizophrenic/psychotic in nature so it's hard for him to really be sentimental or supportive towards me. We blame each other fiercely but don't want to let go of each other. It's come to the point where I know I have to accept things as they are since neither of us is equipped to leave - mentally or financially. Plus we don't want to break up at all - but how to deal with the continuous rages and sometimes violent fights that happen? It's just so terrible.

It seems you take a lot of meds yeah and I hope that they help you but i've been on so many that I can pretty much predict how a new medication will affect me. I don't mean that to sound like I'm criticizing others for trying meds or shooting down suggestions... it's just what you said; sometimes they help, sometimes they don't, and I'm tired of pumping all these crazy synthetics into my system and brain. I feel like it made me worse in the long run. I wish I could get better like you said and I do try to focus a lot of my health as of late.

Maybe what I really need is a longterm counsellor, someone I can talk to, forever, always, when I need it - but those people don't exist unless you have a LOT of money, which I don't. I was referred for free counselling by my doctor but they only do 10 sessions which is NOWHERE near enough for me. I need something ongoing for years. Plus there's a huge wait list so I just kind of gave up.

Anyway, the battle continues. Thanks for replying. I appreciate it. Good luck yourself xx

You are reading content posted in the Borderline Personality Disorder Community

Popular Resources
The first signs of HIV may feel like the flu, with aches and a fever.
Frequency of HIV testing depends on your risk.
Post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP) may help prevent HIV infection.
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.