Stage 4 Breast Cancer

[dina910]

My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer 2 years ago. We were recently told that she is now Stage 4. A recent liver biopsy confirmed the cancer mets to liver and skull bone. At her last appointment she became very upset at the news, so I was unable to ask the doctor the questions I had.

To compound the matter is the fact that my mother has had chronic Hep C for over 20 years and they found advanced fibrosis (borderline cirrohsis) to the liver tissue behind the cancer.

I need to know, How much time do we have before she is gone?

[ncmichigan]

LOVED your story, Cheerpul! It's a good reminder to all of us to take life one day at a time and find some joy in every day we're given. The power of a positive attitude and it's effect on health can't always be explained. I'm a retired nurse and I saw patients that never should have survived what they survived. Medicine is as much an art as it is a science, I believe. Maybe it's faith, attitude, love, hope, a touch, inner strength or inner peace, or a miracle that allows someone to live longer than they "should"---doctors just don't always know.
Wishing you a little joy each day you share with your Mom.
Hugs,
nc

[Cheerpul]

We don't know how long we have, and a doctor's best guess is just that.  ncmichigan has it right, just live every day to the fullest possible.  Your Mom may have many more or fewer than anyone can guess, but make each day a beautiful experience and a wonderful memory.

I have worked in a church planning funerals.  One lady called me up and said that she had 6 weeks to live and could I help her plan her funeral. She'd been fighting cancer for almost 10 years with mets in many places.  We planned her funeral, and then re-planned it at least 8 times before she passed away over 5 years later.  She had so many great times with friends and family during that time, each day was a treasure for her.  Thinking of you and your Mom.

[ncmichigan]

Dina,
I am SO sorry to hear about your mother's diagnosis. And I think Kat is right that
no matter what the doctors say, they could always be wrong. It's an awful example, but look at that Locherbie bomber guy who was supposed to have 3 months and a year later he's still alive.
I think what you have to focus on now, is not how much time your Mom has left, but making the time, whatever iit may be, the best possible for her. Support her, help her find appropriate treatment, have fun with her, pamper her a little, listen to her, hug her. Do whatever feels right at the time and you will make whatever time you have together better.
It's up to her if she wants to ask for a "timeframe" or not, and up to her if she even wants to share that information with her family. I think you just letter her live her life the way she wants to however long or short it is. That may be very hard for you, but it's what's best for your Mom.
Wishing you all the best and a big hug to you and your Mom, (    ),(    ),
nc

[katarina777]

You don't need to know, dina.  The 'need' is a feeling.
But if you insist, someone will tell you.

Both telling a patient he will live forever, and telling them they have 3 months are bad ideas, and the most important reason for that is that nobody knows for sure.

This happened to me. I wanted to know the results from the brain MRI that were supposed to be a comparison to the initial MRI, and following brain Radiation.

The radiation oncologist's nurse called me at home and I specifically asked her how long I had to live. She told me that maybe I had two weeks, and then maybe up to six months. I had not expected such a direct answer and I was in shock, say the least.

To make a long story short, the 6 months have passed, and I am feeling better than before I was diagnosed with bc, and which was three years ago. The chemo for the liver mets is just working great with hardly any side effects.

So  be sure what you are asking for as you may get an answer?

KAT