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Cat put to sleep!

I had to and I didnt want to be there to witness it and I cant get it out of my head and cry everyt ime I see his sweet little face going blank.
It is a horrible memory!
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134578 tn?1693250592
I'm sorry for your loss of your beloved friend. I assume they gave your cat a shot of a sedative initially, that knocked him out? That would not be the moment of death, it would be the moment of him being deeply anesthetized. I know it doesn't make it lots better, but the "going blank" was just him being made oblivious. Please know you gave him the best life you could, and he was happy to be your boi and you and he had a long time of love together. If we could all have peaceful deaths we would all be the better for it. Good luck to you.
Thank you so much for your support!
But he was having labored breathing  and his heart and chest were filling with fluid and they already had the insert in his sweet litttle paw and when she gave him the shot his eyes stayed open with blank deadness and his tongue came out and I said to the Vet . Is he gone and she said yes ! It was the saddest thing I ever witnessed since my dog was hit by a car directly in front of me walking him but he died of internal injuries not put to sleep as they call it.
I just feel like I took part in it by being there ! That was and is still rough and its been months but I dont feel sad unless I think or talk about it , I well up with tears but he was suffering but I just cant get it through my head how it happened because i had him to the vet for constipation and she gave him a shot of steroid and said she was going to treat him as an outpatient and said to give him this and that for the constipation and was not having any issues with anything else . This constipation he had was going on since he was a kitten when I switched him from kitten chow to cat chow but he lived til he was 14 and  week later after I had him to the vet for the same I just dont know how or why it went from constipation to fluid filling up in his lungs and heart. But I will get over it all in time . It is much better now but at the time it felt heartless to be part of his being put to sleep.
But thank you and I have been told I did him a kindness than let him suffer.
Thank you!
You made the Hardest Loving Decision we are sometimes forced to make.
My wife and I have had to make it 8 times over the 41 years we've had cats together.
It does not get easier, but it is something we sometimes have to do for them.

2 others passed quietly in their sleep. Our current 3 are doing well.

In our hall from the foyer to the kitchen, have a memorial wall of pictures of all our Past Cats.
I like to think that the occasional stray breeze I feel on my cheek when in the house is one of them visiting to say everything is Okay.
Thank you so much for your response!
I really appreciate it!
I have had to do it 3 times but the out of the three , I have never witnessed it and that was so so very hard!
I just love cats so very much and would so love to have another but I feel like I would be replacing my beautiful ones that i loved so much though I dont want to be selfish because I know there so many out there that need a home.
My son said he hates to see me be so sad again if i get another one because it is taking me so long to get over these 3 especially my M.C. that I witnessed being put to sleep.
Thank you again for your support>
Our way has been to turn our grief into love, either by adopting a new cat OR by supporting a local rescue.
There is a feral living under my deck so I guess because the foundation is there it is warmer for he/she and it is cold here like 4 above and I see the paws but i dont see the cat so I put food out and ordered wheat straw from Chewy to make a bed for it and hopefully this will help the kitty . The weather is to improve but not by much 18-27 degrees ! I will put it under my deck in a triple box for a bed with the straw for now. I dont know how else to help the little one!
A straw bed and food IS a great help. Also, a bowl of baby bottle warm water once a day, water is harder for them to find in winter.
If the cat decides to stay around, see if a local rescue can trap, vet and return. There will likely be a fee for the vet costs.
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