hurts

[heartful]

My 41/2 year old told me he wants a new mommy for Christmas(he said it calmly and serious!)...when I asked why, he said becasue he wants candy--althought this normalized it a bit...he followed it up by saying"and...I dont love you anymore"! my heart broke, my 41/2 year old...I thought this happened at teen age years?  I have a 11/2 year old, as well, and I am pretty much raising them alone, I work full time, could this be an age thing?...could he feel me and his fathers stress levels?  I try so hard to teach love, I worry this may be true...

[Ren24]

I don't claim to be an expert, but it sounds like you answered your own question.  You're a single mommy that works full-time.  I'm not saying this is a bad thing...you're doing what you need to do for them.  The problem may be that they just miss you!  Your son may be saying that because he wants more attention from you.  Children are sometimes great at that reverse psychology thing.  Maybe try just asking him why he would say that.  You could find that his answer is much more 'loving' than his words suggest.

[wrrywrt1]

I'm having the same kind of problems with my 4 1/2yo son. Not only does he say things like that, his behavior and demeanor make it very obvious that he'd rather be with anyone but me. And it sure does hurt! My husband says he has two four year olds...that it's ridiculous for me to get my feelings so hurt by a young child who is still learning how to identify feelings and express them appropriately. But I c
get hurt anyway. Stress does seem to have a lot to do with it...I've always had depression, and when one thing is bothering me it carries over into everything else. On the other hand, my husband can "compartmentalize"-be worried about bills or work or whatever, and still have fun with our son (who has even told me I'm not fun and I don't play with him like Daddy). And then I'm jealous of Daddy's relationship with him also-he works from home, takes him to and from school, gets to snuggle late in the mornings while I am running around like crazy trying to get ready for one of two jobs and feed the dogs and do laundry, dishes, pick up, etc. House never gets really clean-by the time all the junk is picked up to run the vacuum, etc it's either time for work, bed, errands and the deep cleaning never gets done. So....we have a similar playtime issue-me distracted by the list in my mind of all that needs to get done, him sensing my distraction, stress, worry, and guilt. and the worse I feel about myself and mothering, the more he pushes buttons and acts out, then my self-doubt escalates, and nothing gets done, we both end up in bad moods. What do you do?

[Trialanderror]

Don`t take it to heart at all. I do get my share occasionally "You are not my friend anymore. I don`t like you. Grandma lets me do everything and you - nothing" which only happens if he is really tired or has an "emotional" day and I have to enforce some rules.
Mind you, it is somewhat related to my stress level. That`s a good point you have there. Playtime I spend with him is somewhat distracted because he can sense I worry about work chores instead of being fully engaged in playtime. When his mood escalates like that, I always take it as a reminder to get close to him again. First I give him some time to cool down, then some silent comfort and then I suggest a game or activity that takes him back to the toddler and infant years when mommy had so much more time and energy...We often re-unite by celebrating the "good old days" and then move forward.
Being 4 years old is another tough step for a little guy to realize that he is not a baby anymore and that there are rules and expectations and he doesn`t fully understand if rule enforcement means lack of parental love. It gets easier around age 5...:)

[rebbecca]

it is normal for kids to say things like that! if i had a dollar every time my son 8 has said that all his life, i would be rich right now! they pull the cards on you that hurt the most. i always tell my son that know matter how he feels i still love him and it works.
it could have something to do with the stress level and having to work full time. hang in there, and happy holidays!