Behavior problem with my preschooler

[fourrz]

I have a 4 year old son who goes to preschool from 9-5. Two days in April he has hit a child in the playground with a tan bark. One parent even told me that he is violent. (but I am sure he is not!)

I constantly worry about his behavior and now that he may get expelled from preschool. It is not that easy to get into other preschools in our area as they are wait listed till September.

Earlier, he used to have trouble listening to the teacher by not writing/coloring. Now he has shown some improvement. At home, he is always ready to do homework and loves to read books.

I have another child who is 11. Most of the time they get along well. However there are moments when they fight, mainly because of the 4 year old who will hit his brother with a toy or bite him. When we go out, he doesn't stay in one place, always running, no fear in public places. I have even stopped taking him to parties and other crowded places for this same reason.

I spoke to the pediatrician who has advised us to talk to my son about good behaviors. My son also knows that he cannot hit others and have to keep hands to himself. Still, he gets into trouble.

I need help for correcting his behavior and see him as a happy/smiling child. I am sure he is not a bad child, but sometimes, he gets out of control. Both my husband and I are stressed because of this.

[jd1419]

Did he do the hitting unprovoked--or did the other child cause him to do this in someway?  Was he reacting to the situation with out thinking.  I know I have two boys and sometimes they will terrorize each other and hit--I stop them and tell them this in not how we act--but once in awhile the damage has already been done and that is how they resolved the situation themselves.  I sometimes think boys are wired to be a little more aggressive than moms would like and we sometimes over react to their behaviors--if he is normally a well be haved little boy I would just say in a conversation in the car on your way to school this is how we behave, this is not what we are going to do.  Sometimes just having reinforcements before they get to school will help.  Is this a full day school or is it also day care?  Because if he is at school this long he may be acting out that he wants to be home or maybe at daycare so he can actually play.  I am lucky our preschools start out at two hours two days a week up to three hours four days a week for the last year before school.--So the kids are not in the school environment the whole day--just for part-I would think though only having two incidents on the play ground would not be cause for dismissal.  Talk with the teacher and see if there are any other real big concerns with his behavior.

[pixijal]

Offer your child a way TO ACT rather than how NOT to act.
Advise him on what he CAN do when he is frustrated w/other children, rather than what he should not be doing.  For example:  If he is hitting other children, rather than simply telling him to keep his hands to himself, ask him why he was frustrated.  When he answers, tell him that you would be frustrated too, and next time he needs to use his WORDS and tell the other child how he is feeling.  For instance, he could say:  "I don't like it when you take that toy from me, it makes me angry, it was MY turn to have that toy".  Explain to him that when he hits, nobody understands him.  When he uses his words, then others know how he is feeling, and then they can help him get what he wants.

He is old enough to role play and discuss situations w/you that will directly help him deal w/situations that arise at school.  He is hitting, becasue he is frustrated, and doens't have a better method to cope when a situation arises.
You must provide one for him.