Does my BF's daughter have something similar to electra complex?

[BeeLove80]

I've been searching for a way to define or label my situation because im fed up and dont know what do. I happened upon threads citing electra complex, and althiugh i dont think its quite that, it definitely bares some similarities. I read a great thread on it earlier and feel the need to have a long explanation so bear with me! My Bf (we're both 36, each one child) and I have been together going on 2 years,living together over 1 year, with his daughter who is now 8 and a half and my son who is 7 and a half. Things would be blissful if not for her constant need and desire for Daddys attention and affection. Please understandI adore how amazing he is with her, however I think he's in denial or blinded to some things she does and how manipulative she can be. Her and I get along swimmingly but she's expressed how she wishes her parents were still together (her mom cheated on my BF several times, several partners and he and his daughter were both blind sided, in other words her mom did not flaunt this behavior in front of anyone) to which I honestly responded th at it was normal for her to feel this way..however I think still he wants it back that way because she spent all her time with her dad, and he was at a job that allowed him to spend tons of time with her. I don't blame her at all, but things have escalated to a ridiculous level and I don't think he's open to seeing it.

She coaxes him into sleeping upstairs in her bed at least 2 or 3 nights a week. He'll come back to our bed in the middle  of the night, so we never have a proper chance to talk about it. Yes I'll admit I'm very jealous of it, because he spends all his time with her when she's here. She is here every day except one. Her mom lives close and sees her for admit couple hours daily then overnight on Saturdays. My son goes to school by his dad, so during the school year (only 1 or 2 more years for this, we'd like to love and have him go to school choose by me) he stays with his dad during the week for the most part. Something that's really upsetting is the fact that he sleeps up there when my son isn't here, making me feel more alone than ever. We've had discussions about it and some fights, but it's gotten more frequent and her attachment to him seems very over the top.

Just over the last few weeks I've really taken notice (don't think I was ready to see it before) of how she behaves with him, climbing all over him ,sitting on him when there's available seats, crowding him (he never gets annoyed by it, but I feel I slightly annoy him if I am seeking some affection or attention) insisting he sleep upstairs  (and when she does this in front of me, he acts as if it is preposterous but still does it...) asks him to carry her upstairs, and now she's starting to ensure he spends every waking (and sleeping moment) with her. She is deliberately coaxing him into being alone with her (to watch a TV show or movie together, luring him up to her room so he'll sleep) so as to take him from me. I'm not being paranoid, it's true. Just yesterday every time he'd come anywhere near me she'd pout. Then try to get him upstairs. And anytime I'd say something about he and I being together to watch TV that night or whatever she'd try to preemptively make plans as to why he needed to be with her not me.

As a parent myself I know I'd probably give into my son's whims but he receives a lot of love and attention from his dad and I so he's a happy loving stable little kid.  He is content shether im with him or we are all together as a family, or just by himself. I know every kid is different, but this behavior is escalating and makingme resent her.. after all I don't see my son for up to 4 days sometimes and he's spending more time with his daughter than me, even though despite this one thing (which I think he thinks I just accept now since I don't want to fight about it anymore) our relationship is golden.

Let me also say there is without a doubt nothing at all questionable going on, she just has him wrapped around every finger very tightly.

She is a very intelligent little girl, very mature, and I know she knows what she's doing. She'll talk in the baby voice, pucker out her lower lip anything to coax daddy. Again, he is an amazing and stern father (amazing with my son too) so it seems totally uncharacteristic for him to give into her all the time.

I'd love some feedback because at this point I'm concerned for her future. At this rate, NO man will be able to satisfy her when she's older. I was waiting it out to see if she'd outgrow it, but it's getting worse and now that she's deliberately cutting into her dad's and my extremely limited time together, it's opening my eyes to a potentially   harmful scenerio for her future relationships.

[RockRose]

I think you're giving her too much credit for maturity and "knowing what she's doing".  At this age,  children will do what they can to keep their boat from rocking,  especially smart ones.  Her parents have split up and she's doing what she can to make sure she at least has one intact parent,  her father.  I don't think this is about you so much as it's about clinging to the liferaft of her parent.  And she perceives that you are trying to climb on to that liferaft too,  and frankly,  believes it's not big enough for both of you.

Your story is so familiar I went to your profile to see if you had posted it before.  If you read through this forum,  this is astonishingly common,  detail for detail.

I think your best bet is to realize this isn't the guy for you,  and move on.  Although you continue to say how wonderful every moment with him is,  in fact,  it reads like every moment is a misery,  and when you ask for attention it annoys him.

[BeeLove80]

Sorry for the grammatical errors, typing this from my phone!