discipline my five year old boy

[amaratuti]

At school he behaves good.The teacher can't believe he's not listening to   me at home. He screams at me or to the daddy and when i get mad he says to us that he is joking .He isa  very social little guy ,sometimes very sweet, but at times he gets tantrums also in public.What must i do or how can i discipline him better? thanks

[Rucnfun]

hi, I don't agree with mamabalas when she says to donate his toys. I would not do that. They just need to be taken away for the rest of the day, or since your son is 5 he can go a few days without them knowing it was a consequence to his action. I do know that kids work very hard to be good in school all day they obey and listen, and then when there parents show up or they go home they just unleash. It's hard for him to be good all day and then to continue in the evening I know that sounds weird but I worked in daycare and they were soo good all day then when there parents walked in the door they just started running around acting naughty, and the parents were good parents! Make sure there is no screaming at home, kids copy parents behavior. You need to tell him when he's in a good mood that it is not ever okay to scream at people. That he needs to use a big kid voice and that you will not listen to him when he screams. And if he does it then put him in his room until he can come out of his room acting like a big boy in a big boy voice. If he does it in public you have to just leave, no matter how inconvienent it is.
You said 'and when i get mad he says he was just joking'. It shouldnt get to the point of you getting mad. you should not get mad. They see that it got you mad and they like that. Its like testing you to see if your gonna pop. No getting mad! You have to act calm and cool no matter how bad it gets and dont EVER yell at him! I know its hard, but if you scream at him and say its not okay to scream, then how are you setting a good example? so if he screams or says something mean put him in time out in his room and make him stay there until he can come out and use a better voice etc.

[mamabalas]

I'm a firm believer that many times discipline depends on the offense, but must be consisten.  i.e. If he screams at you, he is placed in time out EVERY TIME and for the same amount of time.  Just an example.  If he isn't listening about his bike, take his bike away for the rest of the day.  Every time.  If he is not picking up his toys, give him 3 chances, tell him you are going to pick them up for him each chance, but that when you pick them up they are going to be donated to a child who appreciates them and will pick them up.  Then follow through.  Keep in mind, he may be doing this for attention.  Is he getting plenty of positive attention at home from you and daddy?  I also believe very strongly in positive reinforcement.  Since the very beginning I have given strong praise and a lot of encouragement when my son does even the most basic thing well.  We talk about what he does well, and discuss what he needs to work on in a positive manner.  If your son throws a tantrum, ignore him.  No attention at all, no matter what.  (obviously if you are in church or other place where noise is going to be a huge distraction you can't do this)  But almost anywhere else, ignore him.  It isn't easy, and it won't feel good.  Soon he will get the hint that this behavior is going to get him nothing, including attention.  Good luck to you.