seperation anxiety

[michelle6810]

Over the summer Nora and her daughter, Bailey age 9, moved to our neighborhood . Nora and I had never met but became instant friends and Bailey and my 8 year old daughter play well together as well.  A month passed by and I knew Nora was having to leave Bailey with relatives so she could work and I voluteered to watch her. Bailey is  a pleasant child but cries for her mom. At first I thought it was because she was in a new home, new neighborhood, and she only gets to see her father on Sundays and it's an hour and a half drive one way. This morning Bailey came  to stay with us at 6a.m., not her mom's normal schedule but because it's the day after Thanksgiving Nora had to be at work early this morning. Bailey cried for the first hour after her mom left. She didn't want to go back to bed so I got her a blanket and a pillow so she could lay on our couch and watch T.V. I stayed in the room with her and tried to comfort her but nothing helped so I woke my daughter and the three of us went out for breakfast. Bailey was fine. After we got home the girls went out to play  and Bailey starts crying again missing her mom and saying she was afraid her mom wouldn't come to get her. (Nora has never left her and to me she is an excellent mom.) I reassured Bailey her mom would be here and she stopped crying. Around noon Bailey starts crying again so, I take them out and we went for a walk around the block, she was okay. When we came into the house  I asked Bailey did she want to call her mom at work, she said yes and I dialed the number for her. She demanded her mom to leave early and told her she could just her boss that she HAD to come home, Nora hung up on her. I asked Bailey why would she do that to her mom and she hung her head and said she misses her mom and she sometimes cries for her mom when visting her father.
Nora has told me  before that Bailey has always cried after her but it has became worse since they moved. I suggested seeing a thearapist and Nora agreed but said Bailey's dad has told her therapist are the enemy and they would take her from him and her mom. I asked Nora if Bailey's dad could be sexually hurting her and she said no. He never physically hurt them that he liked mind games and liked to control them that's why they divorced....I want to help Bailey. She's a really good kid and it hurts me to see her crying so much all athe time.  Can someone please offer some advice?   Thanks

[margypops]

This is difficult as the help has to come from her Mom, I am wondering if Bailey is getting a lot of attention from the crying and if everyone including her Mom didnt feed into it it would lessen, then stop, if she isnt getting any attention from crying she may think it isnt worth it. Understandably when she came to your house you stayed with her, and took her out, and made a big effort to give her plenty of attention,see where I am going,I suspect her Mom does the same hence she can call her Mom at work , most children wouldnt do it and demand she came home .so Bailey knows she can do that ..her mother is too soft and is unwittingly enabling the behavior. If she comes to you again, leave her to play with your daughter let them be friends without your help. Do nothing in other words.