Concerned caregiver

[MotherMo]

I work in my church's nursery. A young woman with 2 children has been coming to our church for a couple of months now. Her oldest daughter loves the class she attends for her age group. The younger one (2 years old) wants no part of the nursery. She has gone in there a few times but within minutes she's freaking out and asking for her mother. She is comfortable with me but it doesn't seem to help when we're in the nursery. At first I thought it might be separation anxiety from her mother but this past Sunday I noticed something else. She came into the nursery when I told her we had some blocks and she could help me build a house. She was helping me take the blocks out of the cabinet when another child came over to play with us. She immediately walked away and went into the play house. She was fine until another child came over to the playhouse and looked thru the window at her. I'm now thinking the problem is with the other children instead of being separated from her mother. If anyone has had this problem before please give me some advice. I would love to have her mother enjoy the church service and not be interrupted constantly by her daughter.

[MotherMo]

Our church nursery does have 1 regular assistant who is there every week. Meaghan (the child) doesn't seem to care who is in there. Her mother told me she doesn't warm up to people very well but was surprised when Meaghan took an instant liking to me. She would give me hugs in church and sit on my lap on occassion. I thought she would be comfortable with me in the nursery but there's definately another issue going on with her. We don't allow older siblings in the nursery (rules) plus they are busy in their own group activities. We've tried having her mother walk away quickly and having her mother stand by the door so Meaghan would feel more comfortable but neither seems to work. I'm not giving up. I'm sure we'll find a solution with the grace of God. Thank you for your input and your encouragement.

[MotherMo]

I never thought of jealousy because of her reaction of fear. I would think jealousy would make the child cling to me or push another child away but you never know with kids. Thanks for your input.

[momagain59]

I work in the nursery at our church also. They used to have different people working alternate but now it is me and another woman every week. We always make sure that one of us is there and then alternate people working with us. The children do a lot better if they can see a familiar face in the nursery.

We have arrived early on purpose to meet different parents in order to let them spend a few minutes in the nursery with their child before others arrive.

We get out toys, like farm sets or the kitchen area.and arrange them ready to play. If you can get their interest right when they walk in the door, they do so much better.

We have allowed older siblings to spend the morning with us to make the younger child feel comfortable.

We always have snacks and drinks available.

We have a quiet area available for them to retreat to.

We have the children's music on when they walk in.

We encourage them to bring things that they are attached to with them. They love to keep things that belong to Mommy or Daddy.

What is really hard to do, is get Mom and Dad to drop them off and walk away quickly. This shows the child that it is o.k. to stay and play. Parents always want to talk (chit chat) but it is much easier to talk to them when they are picking up their child instead of when they are dropping them off. Do you have a problem with this? Our parents actually want to talk before and after but it is hard to do since the children's safety is my first interest.

You may have tried all of these things already and if I think of anything else I will post it.
It is so great to see another person that cares about children. Keep up the good work. You are doing God's work.

[margypops]

I think she was feeling some jealousy at the other child coming to play with the blocks aswell,, you were replacing her Mom and this child came in to play and you perhaps were including her in the play and the 2 year old was upset and reacted , it sounds like fairly normal behavior,best thing is for you not to react when she walks away as you are then feeding into it, in other words ignore the behavior and my guess is it will stop,  

[MotherMo]

I agree and have remained calm and patient with her. I would never force a child to do anything that's uncomfortable for them. I will read up on those subjects and talk to the mother about this. Thanks for the input.

[MotherMo]

What I mean by "freaking out" is she gets this look of terror in her eyes and starts sobbing and asking for her mother while she huddles near the door of the nursery. Our church service is two hours long which is way too long to have a child go through this fear. A play date sounds like a great idea. I don't know if that's possible with the other mothers but I will talk to everyone about it. Thank you.

[jdtm]

You're dealing with anxiety - but it probably is social anxiety as well as separation anxiety.  To learn more about this issue, I might suggest googling the phrase "anxiety and toddlers" or "social anxiety and children" or "separation anxiety" or similar words/phrases.  The best thing you can do as a caregiver is to remain calm, patient and try not to pressure her into playing with other children.  When she is ready, she will initiate contact.  It might be wise to give this information to the mother.  Hope this helps ....

[babygirl6152]

freaking out as in crying, screaming? If she just acts anxious- like separating herself from others- she just needs more time to feel safe.,,,,, although on the one hand it is easier to admit-
"it's just an hour, it will just be a short hour" and her mom will be back
It's also just an hour out of a whole week, for her to form relationships with others and feel she can trust them- in that case it would be better if she could form a relationship with these children outside class where she feels safer? IS that a possibility for other mothers? maybe a play date?