My Four Year Old Talks Constantly

[Destiny28]

My four year old daughter, who will be five in a couple of weeks, runs NONSTOP. She has been this way ever since she was a baby. In addition to having an excess of physical energy (and requiring very little sleep), she is VERY VERY verbal. She has a very inquisitive nature, and she asks questions about everything. She then questions the answers with new questions. As an educator myself, I know questioning is good, but she seems to take it to another level. In addition to the constant questions, she is always worried about what's going to happen next. For example, we might spend five hours at the mall, and on the way home, she is worried about if she can watch television before she goes to bed (this may be a poor example, but it's the one that happens most often). It's like she negotiates and tries to solidify the future so that she can keep going. While she was in Pre-K, she was brougt to the principal's office a couple of times, and my husband and I were told by the principal, "she steals my thunder when I go to correct her because she knows what she's done and articulates so well." She is very clever when it comes to talking, and she tries to use manipulation to get what she wants. She is not at all shy and will talk to anyone.  I would also like to say that she is not a mean child. She loves children and animals and gets along well with other children.  At the end of the day, I am mentally exhausted when trying to discipline and/or punish her. I have tried a lot of different things to get her to slow down, stop talking so much, or LISTEN, but to no avail. She is a very bright little girl, but very emotional. How do I deal with her? HELP!  

[specialmom]

I do see hints of anxiety as well.  She also seems like a very intelligent and bright little girl.  I think she will be one that you need to keep stimulated and occupied.  She probably can use as much physical outlet as possible. I'd spend as much time at a park running around as I would at a mall shopping.  I know they have play areas and maybe that is what you are referring to . . . but lordy, 5 hours at a mall is enough to send myself into an anxious state!  LOL I know that is just your example but I would think in terms of what will mentally and  physically exhaust her. I'd get her signed up for various things-------- camps on art, music, sports, etc.  It doesn't always cost money, check  your local library.  (ours does movement and music classes once a week for free).  

I think that talking excessively does happen with many youngsters.  One thing to start working on with her is the social skill of listening.  I'd do that  by taking turns talking.  My turn---------- talk for a bit.  Have her retain eye contact and she can't speak until you are finished.  Then it is her turn and give her your attention.  Then it is your turn again.  This teaches her to stay quiet during others time and that others have something valuable to say as well.  We also play the "quiet game".  Old trick but it can work.  Tell her that we are going to be quiet for 5 minutes and if she is, she gets a coin.  My did it with me and I do it with my kids.  Also, institute a "quiet time" during the day.  I'd go to the library and get several books for her.  She goes to her room during quiet time and looks at her books or plays by herself.  Start with 15 minutes.  

I'd just reassure her when she is worrying.  If she will get to watch tv---------  tell her she can.  If not, tell her she can watch a bit tomorrow.  And if this is always a situation that occurs, anticipate it yourself and leave the mall or wherever a little bit earlier and tell her we are going so that you can watch 30 minutes of tv tonight.  You can also give her a choice----------  do you want to stay and play or do you want to leave now so you can watch 30 minutes of your show?  Her choice, she's in control----------  she'll be less nervous.  

Lastly, try not to worry about this.  There will come a time when you want to know what is on her mind more than anything and wish she'd just talk to you.  Hard to believe right now . . . but rest assured, that day will come.  Enjoy your chatterbox before she grows up and wants to only talk with friends vs. you.  Good luck

[AnnieBrooke]

Kind of sounds like she is anxious, like her world feels a little out of control to her and she feels she must keep at it to make it feel more in control.  Maybe talk to a child therapist?