How not to spoil?

[hldeskin]

My fiance and I had our first daughter six months ago.  She was recently diagnosed with Tracheomalacia, a respiratory condition.  The doctors told us the easiest way to help her breathing is to keep her calm and not let her cry.  She's SIX MONTHS... so this is proving to be difficult.  We are terrified that she is going to be too spoiled.  Most children outgrow the condition by about 18-24 months but until then she has to be held when she wants it, fed when she wants it, and sleeps when she feels like it.  She's already figured out how to get the things she wants, but we can't just let her cry because then she can't breath.  Do any of you have any advice on what to do?  

[girlybuff]

Jesus, she's 6 MONTHS OLD.  Stop worrying about what type of child or teenager she'll be and take care of today.  
You cannot spoil an infant.  EVERY cry shold be answered.
Just enjoy her and love her as much as possible today and let tomorrow take care of itself.

[hldeskin]

Thank you so much for your comment.  I really appreciate that someone understands what I mean.  I'm not afriad that my daughter is going to be a "little" spoiled. I'm afraid she is going to spend her entire childhood trying to be manipulative.  It is something that we're just going to have to live with because no matter what, her health comes first.  We're just at the beginning of our battle.  We just came home from our first hospital stay and I think its going to be something we do quite often.  It is horrible to watch your child struggle to breath.  And its heartbreaking when you have to tell people, "don't get her laughing... she wont be able to breath".  My daughter is such a happy baby.  Did you son's condition improve as he grew?  Lexi doesn't face as many problems as your son does, or at least not that we know of so far.  I wish you the best of luck with your little one.  Thank you again, I was losing faith that there were people reading this to support other people rather than judge.  

[Phoenix3]

One of my sons was born with esophageal atresia, tracheoesophogeal fistula and has been living with severe tracheomalacia for the past 4.5 years.  I understand exactly what your concerns are and how terrifying it is to watch your baby experience "death spells" every time he cries, eats, coughs or even laughs too hard.  He actually didn't even develop his voice until he was around 6 months old, many times he would be crying, sitting right next to me and I wouldn't even be aware that he was in trouble.  I've found that only two things helped.  Sometimes a quick but forceful puff into the mouth will force the airway open and help the child regain breathing.  If that didn't work, feeding him helped as the sucking reflex did the same.  When all else fails, as hard as it is, you have to just let it go.  She may lose conciousness, but actually as soon as she does, everything relaxes and allows better airflow.

My son is most definitely spoiled as a result. He has learned how to create his own "death spells" to get what he wants.  At this point, it doesn't work on my husband and I but it does on the grandparents and he knows this.  However, it's the price you pay for your "special" one.

I have to say that I am shocked by some of the responses you got, particularly RockRose.  Regardless of whether you have a valid point, if you can't offer advice in a sympathetic manner, don't bother.  If someone posts a question here, they are genuinely upset and seeking helpful information, not hurtful, degrading comments.  Hldeskin - good for you for sticking up for yourself.  Hang in there, it should get better and don't waste a second of your time on individuals like her.  

[redneckmom]

As I re-read these comments  SHEESH  Hldeskin you did state that you can't just let her cry because she can't breathe, NOT because you don't want to.  My son almost never cried.  I changed his diappers as soon as he wet or dirtied them.  I fed him as soon as he showed signs of hunger.  I played with him and kept him entertained and engaged until he fell asleep.  You are not spoiling your baby; you are RAISING your baby.  WoW  I hope that you "SPOIL" your second baby too.   RockRose you are always right on target.  Keep it up.  And to you again Hldeskin  calm down.  You don't need to be so defensive. Good Grief and Pheeew

[mommydaycare]

I agree with althepal, I understand what you are saying. You don't want her to be spoiled but at the same time you can't let her cry because of her condition. Yes most important is taking care that her medical condition stays under control. That's most important right now. Worry about her being spoiled later on. She may not be! And RockRose just because she said she was TERRIFIED doesn't mean her intentions are to let her daughter cry. She can't do that because of her medical condition. Shes trying to say that she doesn't want her to be spoiled when she is 2. You are doing fine Hldeskin, keep up the good work!!

[althepal39]

  I understand what you are saying Hldeskin - you don't want to give into her every whim just so she doesn't cry because you don't want her to get used to that because it will spoil her.   I agree - if you pick up a baby EVERY time they cry - they will become a little spoiled  - but right now you have her medical condition and that is most important.  Once she has outgrown the condition - then you will have to start to teach her the way things really are!  :)  

[hldeskin]

Listen here, lady...  I don't need YOU, a complete and total stranger, to leave me hateful comments.  If you have no rational advice, keep your mouth shut.  

[RockRose]

No,  I'm not ignorant.  

Your statement that you're TERRIFIED (your words) that she is going to be spoiled,  means you intend to ignore her crying so as not to spoil her.

Watch what you say,  it may come back to haunt you.  

Don't ignore her crying,  you can't spoil her at this age,  and your DOCTOR has said don't ignore her crying.

[hldeskin]

First off, you are ignorant.  A six month old baby is going to cry whether you're holding her or not.  Secondly, we are very good parents.  

[RockRose]

hideskin, most parents I know don't let their 6 month old babies cry.

Why would you ignore a crying baby?  Don't do it,  that's what the doctor is saying.  Don't just ignore her wailing,  you'll be like good parents.  

Geez.  This isn't hard.