Is my 14 year old step-daughter obsessed with her dad?

[iloveyou0324]

My husband and I recently got married 3 months ago. I have a 10 year old son and he has 2 girls a 9 and 14 year old. I've known my husband for over 3 years, and he has been divorced for 4 years. When him and his ex separated the little one did not want to spend any time with her dad but the oldest was always around....to the point that she would have his phone and would fall asleep in his room that way he wouldnt wake her up (he would sleep on the couch but thoes were not her intentions). Well time flew by his divorce final and he proposed, we bought a house together and then came the wedding. We tryed to keep her involved as much as we could but she was so upset "her" dad was getting married. Well before the wedding my husband found out she was having trouble at school and not showing up to her classes and getting home late. Two weeks after our wedding she got out of school and wasnt coming home...we started getting worried even the police was called...eventualy she showed up, her mom was so mad and called my husband and said "come and get her". We went and picked her up....2 days later I enrolled her in a new school, talked to her counselor, would take her to school every morning....but no matter how much I did she didnt appreciate and was all over her dad, questioning him why he had gone to my work to see me, or question him why he he wouldnt tell her about the things he would do with me. She always has his phone, sits on his lap, has gotten close to him face to face while he was sleeping and when he woke up there she was, she even open the door to our room one time when we were having sex. It's so weird but the little has her moments where she wants to be all over him and he stops her and tells her to go play but the oldest....nothing!! I have talked to my husband, we have gotten to the point that we are not having that much sex or always in arguments (not infront of the kids). We both came to agreements on what I had to say...we decided to talk to her and all she did was pt her head down and cryed. We cant seem to get any info from her on ANYTHING....her life, thoughts, felling...nothing. I told her I'm not her to take her dad away, that the love her dad has for them is different from the one he has for me, but apparently she doesnt understand. I havetalked to a counselor because I'm just soooo frustrated. She has pictures of her dad when she was in junior high (approx time he met her mom) and pics of them two. She is always talking about her mom and how her and her live-in BF (who is the same guy she left my now husband for) are always arguing or how the mom talks to other guys. She has came to the extreme that on mother;s day she told me how much she hated me and that she liked me better when I was just her dad's friend, she kept saying how much she didnt want to go to our wedding and when she found out we were engaged....and she has done this to me 3 times and when I approched my husband about him not saying anything to her or to stop he said he didnt think much of it that he just thought she was expressing her feelings. She is a beautiful and smart young girl, but to me she is obsessed....she will watch football (even though she knows nothing about the sport, but I love football so I can see why she does it), my husband loves working on cars so she will go and try to help him, she will listen to the music he likes. She wont eat, sit, shower, ect, unless he tells her to. Even one time before we married they came to my apt and he walked to my room to use the master restroom and she was walking after him....I always saw this but I think in the back of my head I would try to justify her actions. Please help me I dont know what else to do!!!

[Sandman2]

   Those are very nice comments, but unfortunately,  this link has been closed and your good suggestions will probably be deleted.

[Claire_MHModerator]

Hi, folks,

Since this thread is old and the original participants are no longer taking part, we'll close it now.  If you'd like to ask a question or start a new thread, please click the "Post a Question" button near the top of this page.  Thanks!

Claire
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[iloveyou0324]

The counselor was very helpful to a point, she her self had been married for 10 years and had a step-daughter who now is 17. She adviced me to be involved in anything that had to do with my step-daughter...good or bad. She also said that individual counseling for my step-daughter and family counseling would be very helpful. She told me I had to talk to my husband because if me and him are not on the same page is going to be very hard to raise our kids under the same roof. I have talked to him, things have gotten better, he backs me up in what I feel but also gets bothered by what I can point out....I completly understand its his daughter but I dont get like that about my son. I also think it's also because she is staying at her moms for a month during summer vacation.
I did see diffrent people with same problems, specially when it comes to step-parents/step-kids situations. I just wish I could approach my husband without sounding like I have something against his daughter(s).....I dont want to push him away. Sometimes I think I just need to wait until she gets a little older and starts dating, maybe then she will start focusing on something else.
It's just so hard, I been having trouble sleeping, getting hives, and even taking anxiety medication....I dont know how long I can go with this situation I love my husband and I love his daughters and I dont want to lose them.

[RockRose]

There are a surprising number of posts that sound exactly like yours here in this forum,  and other places within medhelp.

I don't even know what to say anymore.  In this divorce culture we live in,  there do seem to be an exceptional number of girls and fathers who have bonded as lovers,  although they are not technically sexual lovers.  Spend some time looking through medhelp and you will see your story - the new wife who is surprised by the lover relationship between her husband and a teenage daughter - repeated very very often.

[AnnieBrooke]

She sounds confused and in a whole lot of need.  It doesn't sound like your husband has done anything inappropriate, but that maybe he doesn't know what to do to ease her anxious need for him.  What did the counselor say?  That is the direction I would go.