My 8 year old pees her pants during the day

[Fejrednal]

My 8 year old daughter frequently wets herself because she does not want to stop what she is doing to go to the bathroom.  She has done it at school, at home, at friends homes, pretty much anywhere she is.  It does not happen all the time.  When my wife and I question her she says she just couldn't hold it.  Any suggestions?

[cezar06]

well my daughter is 8 going to be 9 in a few months and she does the same thing. I ask her why she peed her pants and she goes "because I didn't want to go to the bathroom". We've asked her if it embarrasses her and she says no. she doesn't do it at school only at home. she also doesn't wet the bed at night. she hides her panties also and says its cause she doesn't want to be in trouble. when we ask her after that once again why she just didn't go to the bathroom she says cause she didn't want to stop playing, or she just says "i didn't want to." So saying it's not normal for a child to do that is ridiculous. She just blatantly refuses to go. I've tried it all to get her to stop. She has no medical problems, no infections, nothing. Just refuses and is okay with it. She can go no road trips where we don't stop for HOURS and she's just fine.

[peaker]

in my case, the panty-wetter is my daughter's 11 yr. old friend.  We've known this girl, and her family since both girls were about 3 yrs. old.  This little girl has ALWAYS been peeing in her pants during the day.  She does the crotch-grab, hopping around, the whole bit - and when you ask 'do you need to go to the bathroom?', she says No!  Then she wets her pants.

Her mother has had her to the doctor.  I don't ask a lot of questions but the last time she wet her pants at my house (over 2 yrs. ago) I flat out told her it wasn't an 'accident'; she chose not to go to the bathroom, accidents don't happen by choice.  I made her clean up after herself and she's never wet herself at my house since.  My girls are together a lot, have sleepovers - it's never happened again.

But she does wet her pants at school, on school outings, on outings with her parents and most recently at the bookstore with my daughter.  My daughter was so mad at her for two reasons; one, because this girl is not embarrassed and seems not to even care, and two, because my daughter is embarrassed by her friends panty-wetting in public!

My daughter is being approached by other kids who ask her why this girl wets her pants and that too is stressing her out - trying to explain her friends behavior - which quite frankly makes no sense to her to start with.  

I am concerned for my daughter's friend - but I'm more concerned with how this is starting to affect my daughter.  It's creating a resentment towards this girl that I think will eventually be the cause of the end of their friendship.  I see middle school (next year) and the pressures of 'fitting in' being a catalyst for my daughter to pull farther away from this girl.  

I would like to talk to this girl's mother - but I don't know how that will be received.  I would appreciate any thoughts from parents who have girls this age who still pee in their pants.  Thanks.

[Sandman2]

    Thank you for sharing, this sounds like very good advice!

[Linella]

And one more...

The poop accidents will very often be caused by constipation and bad voiding habits. If the constipation gets bad, it kind of blocks the bowel and more fluid poop will seep past the blockage and the child won't feel it come out. The solution is mild laxatives (those powders, forget what they're called) and making sure the child knows that trying to hold off doing a poo will make the problem worse.

Also, reduce softdrinks, but avoid caffeinated drinks altogether. I have noticed firsthand how Coke has a bad effect on the bladder.

And the reason why kids often have more accidents during school term is because they are not able to just drop everything and run to the toilet. An underdeveloped or overactive bladder causes immediate urgency. At the first sign the child's brain gets that they have to go, they have to go very urgently immediately. If they then have to ask the teacher for permission to go and walk to the toilets in school, it is often too late. My daughter had lots of accidents on the way to the toilet at school. This isn't an issue at home because the toilet is closeby and she can go immediately.

And please try to avoid pull-ups at school. Other kids might notice and they will get teased. Use incontinence pads if you have to. I bought my girl 'monkey bar pants' that she could use the pads in and wear under a dress and no one noticed. But haven't needed them for over 6 months and don't expect to again either.

Please follow my advice. My daughter's accidents were really, really bad and went on for years and the problem is now completely gone.

[Linella]

And to those people who come here to tell us that we are bad parents: get a life or go and be judgmental elsewhere. The only link to parenting here is that parents need to realise that these kids deserve to get the medical attention they need. And in this case, they need a knowledgeable urologist who can prescribe the right treatment. And lots of TLC because this is a very debilitating condition that has a massive effect on their social life through no fault of their own . Give your kids some credit and support them trough this like a good parent should.

[Linella]

All you people who punish a child for wetting themselves are nothing but cruel! You are psychologically damaging your kids every day.

Of course kids lie about having wet themselves. They are embarrassed and scared of the consequences. And they just want to get on with life, not having to think about toileting issues all the time. That is also why sometimes they do indeed not bother with going to the toilet because they always have to go very urgently immediately and I totally understand why they get so very frustrated by having to drop everything and run to the toilet all the time. They are KIDS!

This is a medical issue, people. I guarantee it! NO 7 yo chooses to go through this out of stubbornness or for wanting attention. And the sooner you realise that, the sooner you can get your child the helps she needs.

I went through it with my daughter who is now nearly 8. I first tried the sticker charts, the negative consequences, you name it. Then we tried increased fluid intake which was a disaster as her accidents just got bigger and no other effect. I put her on laxatives with no effect.

She finally was diagnosed with an overactive bladder by a pediatrician. The treatment involved taking Ditropan and doing bladder training. My daughter had to try wait with going for wees. First 5 minutes, then 10 minutes and so on. This treatment plan didn't work either and in the end I had to stop it as it put all the responsibility back on my daughter who was in no way responsible for having a faulty bladder.

Finally we found a urologist who told us her bladder was simply underdeveloped and prescribed Oxytrol patches. Not other treatment, though if she still has the problem after she turns 8, she will be referred to a specialist service for bladder training advice. No use starting with that before that age as they just don't get it.

She's been on the Oxytrol for about 6 months now and the daytime accidents stopped almost completely soon after we started. We still had one a week at first, now maybe one a month. But what's even better, after 6 months she is now dry at night!

As an experiment, we decided to stop the patches for a few days. Her daytime accidents did not come back, but she wet the bed every night she wasn't wearing the patch. So she is now back on them because it gives her the quality of life she deserves.

So stop punishing your kids, find a good specialist and get them on medication. And give them time to recover from the trauma of the daytime wetting before you do anything else.