Handling Temper Tantrums

[adgal]

Hi there.  My 13 month old has recently learned a new skill...temper tantrums..lol.  I mean laying on the ground, screaming with his fists balled up temper tantrums.  I didn't think these started until he was a bit older, but here we are. Typically it happens if we are in a situation where I have to take something away from him.  I always try diversion first...take away what he shouldn't have and give him something he can have such as a favorite toy.  He is super determined though, and it doesn't seem to work well.  For example, he no longer wants to ride in his stroller, he likes to walk.  So, if we are in a store or something he will walk behind the stroller (he loves to push it) with me behind him pushing the stroller handle. He will reach out and grab something off the shelf.  I take it away and give him a small toy I always carry with us. He drops to the ground screaming like I am beating him or something..its quite the scene.  So when diversion doesn't work I just completely ignore him.  That seems to work and it's over in a few seconds.  I just want to make sure that with a child this young, this is the right way to handle it.  Neither my husband nor I have ever even raised our voices to him or in front of him and he has never nor will he ever be spanked or hit.  Even if I believed in spanking he is too young.  So I ignore him, then when he is finished I pick him up to comfort him.  This is my first child so it's always good to know if this is the correct way to handle it, or is he too young to be ignored in this type of situation?  Is there something else I should be doing?  Thanks for any input.

[allmymarbles]

Kiddies are clever. And marvelously manipulative. You have to hand it to them. Your treatment is spot on. My usual recommendation to mothers is ignore them, plug your ears, leave the room, read a book. But you don't need my advice.

[adgal]

Thanks for the tip.  So far they have been really short...funny one tonight.  I had to take something out of his grip in order to change him from clothes to pajamas for bed.  Well, he had a complete and total meltdown, dropping to the ground screaming, head thrown back, the works.  The whole time literally keeping one eye on me.  Honestly, I think he was waiting to see what I would do.  So, once again I ignored him. I stayed in the room, but busied myself with putting away some of his clean laundry I hadn't gotten to today.  He stopped in just a few seconds, I got him in his pajamas, gave him back his toy and life was normal...lol, he knows exactly what he is doing.  But nothing prolonged at this point.  They are thankfully very short.

[allmymarbles]

You seem to be handling things the right way. However, I do have one suggestion. When a child has a tantrum that lasts, it is self perpetuating. He can't stop crying, even if he wants to. Someone told me how to handle this. Turn the tap on in the sink (cool, but not cold, water). Carry your child to the silk ant gently bathe his head with the cool water. This will soothe him. My daughter used to sigh and shortly afterwards go to sleep. Excessive crying can be exhausting.

[adgal]

I do think I have a tendency to give in more then I should, and that is probably not fair to Ryder.  I have no doubt it confuses him.  DH almost always gives in.  He and I clearly need to discuss the issue of consistancy and we will do so tonight.  Thanks for that reminder...I feel mean saying no to him, but it's important.

[AHP84]

Greydon does the same thing...he's so persistent and determined to do what I don't want him to do (his favorite things lately are trying to pull a lamp over and tearing into the blinds on the windows, lol). If I take him away from the source of temptation, he goes right back to it, and if I "get in his way" again, the tantrum follows.
You just have to be consistent in setting the boundaries. When Greydon continues to try to do something he's not supposed to do, he gets the firm voice and placed somewhere like his crib or in the high chair.

[adgal]

I have to admit, it is hilarious.  I also try not to laugh at him, but he is just so mad and it's funny.  I find if I ignore it it only lasts a minute or two, but if I try to pick him up or react to it in anyway, he continues on.  It's funny though..he will finish and we go back to doing what we are doing.  Well, that little monkey will head to exactly what it was I just took away.  It's like he  gets the idea in his head that he is going to have that, and that is it.  I actually think that determination is a good trait, so I don't want to discourage that, just the tantrums.  I have gotten a few "looks" and comments when it happens in public though...I am used to that now though.  Just leaving him be and then picking him up when he is done seems to work the best.

Thanks Audrey, it makes me feel better to know that a more experienced mom handles it the same way...especially one who has a parenting style I do respect.

[AHP84]

Aren't they funny at this age when they have a tantrum? Lol...but it gets worse as they get bigger...so of course you don't want to encourage the fits, but sometimes it is hard not to laugh. ☺
Greydon is doing the same thing, since he just learned all about tantrums recently. It's so funny...he just drops to the floor and puts his head in his hands and wails and kicks his feet, lol. Like you, I just ignore him until he gets over it on his own in only a few moments. Then once he's over it, I attempt to distract him with something else to get his mind off the grudge he thinks he wants to hold, lol.
Thankfully at this age, they are easily distracted and forgiving of having such "mean parents," lol. They move on quickly.
I would say, with my own experiences, that you're doing absolutely the right thing and handling the tantrums the right way. They are just beginning to learn cause/effect, consequences, and relationship interactions, but they don't know the boundaries yet, so of course they'll get frustrated and have a meltdown--how else can they communicate their frustration or dissatisfaction?
With Greydon, I just let him carry on for a few minutes, letting him know I understand why he's angry by allowing it for a few moments, but ignoring it...as in not comforting him about it, but not disciplining it either. Once he gets a grip, I immediately try to distract him with something else and make him happy again.
You're doing a great job--I don't think you have anything to worry about!