Immature 12 year old daughter

[Hateismurderofheart]

My daughter  will be 13 soon.  When we talk to her or ask a question she just stands there with a blank stare and sometimes it takes 5 minutes for her to answer.  We have had her hearing tested and she can hear just fine.  But our biggest concern is that she has no friends her own age.  She talks to kids at school but doesn't connect with anyone.  She prefers to play with small children ages 4 - 7 and tends to have the same behavior as them.  Example, she will run out into the road without looking, we can have talks with her over and over about hygiene such as brushing teeth, washing hair and she will do well for a couple of days and then "forget" and we have to start over again.

She is in mainstream classes in 6th grade but takes a 2nd grade math class and reading. My question is should I talk to her doctor or just accept that she is different.  Right now it feels like an uphill battle because I'm trying so hard to help her catch up and it just doesn't seem to be working.  Any advice would be appreciated

[specialmom]

I would google sensory integration disorder.  This is a processing disorder.  Brushing of teeth and fight or flight response, risk taking can be part of sensory as well as things like language processing.  If you ask her a question, it could take her time to process it.  Same with doing school work.

But obviously, that is a big gap between being her age and at a second grade level.  You've not had her tested for learning disabilities at this point?  Tutors?  Anything like that ever been offered to you?

[MarkLakewood3367]

I think that it would be wise for you to get her evaluated by an MD.  Any number of medical/emotional issues could be going on triggering these behaviors.  I wouldn't implement any interventions until she was first evaluated.

[RockRose]

I agree with nursegirl.  Your profile doesn't say where you live,  but I would think you would have had to have attended a 504/IEP meeting where academic decisions are made for her and testing results are discussed.  It's hard for me to believe she's in 2nd grade math and she hasn't been thoroughly tested for academic ability and social maturity.  I wonder if she's adopted and you missed out on this stage of her life where these decisions and tests were done?

I agree also with talking to a doctor,  and an occupational therapist.  And also,  though,  to accept that she's different.  I sense you're putting all your efforts in to making her mainstream and that doesn't seem a completely reachable goal.   Once you recognize her differences and embrace them you can work toward giving her the most fulfilling life you can.

Best wishes.

[nursegirl6572]

Hi there.

A few questions, you state she is in 6th grade but is in a 2nd grade Math and Reading class?  Is she actually GOING to  2nd grade Math/Reading classes, or are you saying she's at a 2nd grade level, skill wise?  Have you had her evaluated for any kind of learning disability?  How are the rest of her grades?  How does she do in school?  Was she by chance born premature?

If she's actually attending 2nd grade CORE classes in the 6th grade, I would imagine she would have to be part of an IEP program, has the school intervened for her academics?

Some of the other stuff (brushing teeth) is pretty par for the course.  Running into the street is a big concern obviously.  If she's having trouble comprehending and decision making in situations that could be potentially dangerous, I would absolutely be talking to her doctor, the school, anyone that is either involved with her regularly, or people who can offer suggestions and plans moving forward.

Best of luck to you.