Problems Child at school

[lkuhlman573]

Hi my son is almost five years old.  He has been acting out in school a lot lately.  It seems like every other day he does something bad.  He hits his teachers, he yells at nap time, he throws things. sometimes he even hits his friends.  Today his teacher told him to lay down quietly for five min than he could get up and play in the lobby, he couldn't even do that she said he yelled and kicked and spit at her and threw a whole box of toys on the ground.  He doesn't get aggressive at home but he back talks like a teenager would back talk.  I'm at my wits end.  I've taken away all privelages and even take away his toys.  Today I had to take all his presents and put them away in the closet and told him that If he cant be good every day until Christmas that he won't get them PLEASE HELP  Ohh and this has been going on for two months straight now.

[specialmom]

I did actually realize the age.  I don't think it works to punish kids at home but was suggesting that for a 5 year old, the idea of Santa watching and not coming does seem to work.  She had mentioned she has talked about that.  It's not a long term approach but it does speak to a child's ability to see a consequence that is really important to them (as most kids get pretty hyped up about Santa and presents) being impeded by their behavior.  My kids didn't respond to time outs but DID really want to be good for Santa.  ???  And ironically, I had just received an email from a friend of mine that had been using Elf on a Shelf and her kids (one who is this age) were little angels because they felt like the Elf was watching and reporting back to Santa about them.  Ha!  Gotta love this time of year!!  

But agree that punishment at home doesn't work.  

I was curious if anything had changed since this was NEW behavior.  It sounds like it started just in the past couple of months.  

I'm assuming he was at this school before and this behavior started.  I'd wonder what was triggering the change.  If he had impulse control before and doesn't now, why?  

Agree that the series of books mentioned is excellent.  And i'd want to know what the school does at the time of the incidents.  That is really key in stopping the behavior.  And any time a parent gets a call from school about behavioral issues, I think it is a great idea to begin observing the child at school as Sandman says!

[Sandman2]

  Ok, he is almost 5 so I assume he is not in kindergarten (at least in the US), but in preschool.  I also assume he is in preschool for the first time and is in it all day?  
   I am not sure the posters above realized his age.  You cannot threaten a 4 year old with events in the future.  They can't deal with that.  Furthermore, you really can't discipline him for something that has happened hours earlier and expect him to draw any cause and effect from that.  I agree with all of what Mark said - except for the discipline at home for school problems at least for this age group.  However, you can reinforce at home behaviors that will carry over to school.   For example there are books aimed at the 4 to 7 year old crowd that are meant to be read aloud to them and then practiced.  You might try "Hands are not for hitting" found here - http://www.amazon.com/Hands-Hitting-Ages-Best-Behavior/dp/1575420775   and further down the page you will see "know and follow rules" and many other good books.
   But I am guessing that since this has been going on for two months that a lot of this has to do with school.  Is he the youngest in his class?  Have you ever gone to school to observe him?

[specialmom]

Elf on the shelf works for a lot of kids.  I'm just saying . . .  

[MarkLakewood3367]

For a five year old, taking away privileges is not nearly as effective as placing him in a 5-minute timeout per misbehavior primarily because his freedom is immediately restricted which basically hurts more..  If you are not already doing this, he needs to be disciplined at home for poor school behavior.  Additionally, you and his teacher should focus on consistent and frequent rewards (token economy system) for prosocial behaviors.

[specialmom]

Anything new in his life going on?  new siblings or anything?