Six year old daughter unusual behavior normal?

[BlueBirdSchless]

Alicia is 6 ½. She is my oldest daughter. She is sweet, intelligent, usually follows rules even if unhappy about it, strong willed. I am writing about her so that I can try to understand her. Here are some of her traits that are hard to understand

-High strung
-Awkward
-Uncoordinated
-Hates to learn anything that is not in a book, for example tying shoes, flossing teeth, riding bike…anything involving coordination!
-Gives up easily, I’ve learned to say things nice and calm like “You will do this again” and hand back whatever it is, it works about 50 % of the time to get her to try again.  
-Hard on herself, frustrated
-Prefers to be alone
-Prefers to read over real life fun, except for swimming, she loves that, but wont learn to swim any way besides the dog pattle which takes more energy because she already knows how!
-Gets hiccups, shivers, and shrieks obnoxiously when excited
-Overreacts to small pains like bumping her head or toe
-Falls often
-Hates to try new things but if I get her to sometimes enjoys it, other times collapses with tears and self pity
-Throws fits. Out of my three oldest she was the worst at two (forth child is not two yet) and though not as often or severe Alicia still throws tantrums.
-gives up easily
-doesn’t know how to look for missing objects by looking under things

I am…

The mother that worries that her behavior is abnormal
Feeling guilty for feeling this way
Concerned that I have stunted her development by not being more social

          Should I have her evaluated for anything, does this sound like any kind of disorder. It’s not like Autism or ADD or ADHD, maybe it’s just pure nerdy-ness, which is not a bad thing. I love her enthusiasm about learning! I just want to understand her and to know  I am giving her all she needs. Here is more of the story.
          I was 16 when I got pregnant with Alicia. At 20 weeks gestation I had an ultra sound that showed chloroplasmic cysts on her brain. Supposely common supposedly and harmless, went away before she was born. But did it take up space where brain cells develop? I’m no doctor, just hypothesizing. After she was born life was unstable for a while. My husband is not her biological father. We were married when Alicia was eleven months old. Her biological father was heavy into drugs and alcohol, I did some and smoked. I also discovered while pregnant that he had molested his younger sister, and got another girl pregnant. He has never been involved.  She has a half brother (born four months after she was) who has PMD.
         I left my old lifestyle and friends and made new positive friends, and met Sean. He wanted to be Alicia’s father and my husband, the need was great so we got married quick. When Alicia turned two my husband joined the Army. So he was out and in and out again of her life as a baby and we had to move away from family and friends that she loved and misses terribly. We were very isolated and still are. We have friends but no close friends like we had. Our family visits often and we visit home often. Could some of this be caused by isolation and some just be her quirks. Normal kid stuff or is there an underlining issue?
          When she was two and Sean left to train in the army for ten months she threw terrible fits all of the time. I think it was a mix of emotions. Being two, getting a daddy to share mommy with, ten months later getting a sister to share mommy with and then missing daddy! Being a first time young mom I didn’t know how to handle that, I read to ignore tantrums. I would move her to a safe place, in her room on carpet and let her kick and scream. I now wonder if I should have stayed with her to help her through it, I tried at times. I wish I had known so much more then, to give her consistency and talk more, before she could talk I never knew what to say to her. Now I talk to my babies from the moment they are born! I taught her a lot like any mom does, ABCs, Animals Sounds. She loved me reading to her, even what I was reading myself for hours! That’s what we did while her baby sister napped. She is still the same! She reads several Junie B Jones books and American girls books daily!
          Her other sisters are the complete opposite but they love each other like best friends! They bicker but I believe that is normal. And as the oldest sister she can be bossy, normal. At home she is comfortable, I want to get her into uncomfortable situations so she can snap out of it, but it’s hard to do when it makes me appear to be pushing her in a direction she doesn’t want to go. We tried, ballet, soccer, and next will be guitar, all things she said she wanted to do, until she was surrounded by new people feeling inadequate even though I try to explain that the point is to go learn, not to be the expert. Definitely a perfectionist! She needs to know the plan or feels completely incapable! She gets upset when taking an eye exam because she cannot see as well as she thinks the doctor wants her to see, which is so sad,, I cannot explain that she is not failing!  She has one eye that isn’t as strong as the other so she has to patch the good eye an hour a day, that’s down from four so it is improving, very frustrating for her though. Her biological father’s half sisters had the same thing and a very strong prescription. Another of his half sisters had skitzophrenia, but that was believed to be from her father because he had it, they shared the same mother and I don't know if anyone in her family had any problems. I know, it’s a mess and I got in it! But I am out and trying to ensure that I understand any problems that may be so I can help lift the burden and maybe fix them! If your opinion is that I should have her evaluated tell me for what and if you know how I do that? Do doctors refer pacients to see psychiatrists, or do I just go find one? I guess I should ask Tri-Care. Thanks for reading. Tricia  

[BlueBirdSchless]

Wouldn't I have had to drink during pregnancy for that to be the case? I may have in the early weeks, I was not very sure what partying I had done prior to finding out. I know I had marijuana at least once and smoked cigarettes, none after finding out. I should have mentioned that as well. I didn't know and felt horrible when I found out the early weeks are very important for development!  

[jdtm]

Do doctors refer pacients to see psychiatrists  --   your words

In my area, the family physician is required to give a referral to a specialist as a child psychiatrist or developmental pediatrician.   Is it possible that your daughter might be suffering from FAS - Fetal Alcohol Syndrome?  But, this is just a guess ....