My daughter does not listen

[bknw1669]

My daughter will be 5 in a couple months and for the past 6-8 months she has been acting out horribly to the point she does not listen and does what she wants. We tell her to do some flash cards and 'your baby can read" and she cries and screams and tells us that we are so mean to her.  She gos to see her dad everyother weekend and when she comes home, this is how she acts.  I know she is being neglected by her bio-logical father and that is why I have decided to not allow her to go see him anymore because I feel that that is the reason for her behavior.  
We ( fiancée and I) have tried time-out, wall sits, no tv, no movies, no toys and have even tried to make little deals with her, but she acts so ungrateful for her reward that we don't even make deals with her.  We are trying to teach her that privileges are earned and not just given.  What do we do?

[Sandman2]

   Let me add a few more points.  Your daughter is still only 4 years old.  She is certainly not unusual in her behavior.  Read a few of the posts on this site about other 4 year old kids to see what could be going on.
   Not sure how you are using the flash cards.  At her age they should not be used for more than a few minutes, and really should be still done together with the parent - if used at all.  If you want her to get an appreciation for reading - its simple - read to her every night.  There are wonderful age appropriate books out there - all of you will enjoy the experience.
   Finally, a much better method of discipline can be found in the book,  "SOS Help for Parents," by Lynn Clark.  You also might want to check out - Parenting With Love and Logic : Teaching Children Responsibility by Foster W. Cline (Author), Jim Fay (Author)

[meiram]

I think the more you try to stop her from seeing her biological father, the more outbursts you will see.  You should be supportive of their relationship and do whatever you can to make it easier for them to build a strong bond.  I also wouldn't use wall sits for a child.

A divorce, traveling between two houses, sharing her time with you with a grown man, being disciplined by a man who is not her biological father...it is no surprise that you are seeing some negative behavior.  Perhaps you should spend some fun one-on-one time with her, give her loads of reassurance, and stop you fiance from handing out consequences.  That is your job.  

I just have to say that I didn't find anything outrageous about RockRose's advice.  Maybe after re-reading with an open mind, you might see the points she was trying to make,

[perch101]

Wow - are you always this nasty to somone trying to help you? Talk about a personal attack - RockRose is giving her opinion - thats what these boards are all about. You get different perspectives to give you insight/guidance for a particular issue.

And as I was reading your posts I was thinking - 'thats a lot of punishments for such a little girl.' I do agree with her that your partner, who is not the biological father, should do minimal to no disiplining.

But your personal attack on RockRose - because you don't agree with her - really says a lot. And assuming she supports the dealth penelty because of where she lives? Now THAT'S not intelligent!! Who knows what her personal beliefs are.

And - 'The lady doth protest too much' I think.

[bknw1669]

Oh, by the way.  I just called DHS, the child abuse hotline and asked them about making a child do wall sits.  And guess what she told me?  There is nothing wrong with making a child do wall sits.

So, bless your heart and have a nice day.

[bknw1669]

That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.  I know plenty of parents who make their kids do wall sits.  That is where I learned it from.  Any judge in the USA would prefer wall sits over spankings.  Do you spank your child?  That is far worse than wall sits.

You are the ONLY person that I have EVER talked to about wall sits that answered like this.  Every parent I tell... they say they are going to try that same form of discipline with their children and think it is a fantastic idea.

Your analogy is terrible.  Wall sits are nothing like carrying around a cinder block.  It is one word by the way.  Did you not notice the little red line under 'cinderblock' when you spelled it out?  You are from Texas, so I understand your lack of intelligence.

In any event.  You being from Texas...  you support the death penalty.  Yet you think wall sits is something that CPS would care about?  Stop kidding yourself and kindly do not reply to anything else I post.

[RockRose]

It's not at all clear that her behavior is caused by her biological father,  and if there is a court order for his visitations you can't keep him from seeing her if there is no cause to suspect abuse besides the fact that she is showing signs of clear distress.

I'm just not getting a warm fuzzy feeling at all from your description of her,  and as another mom if I heard she was being made to do wall-sits,  I'd report it to CPS and to the school.  If these wall sits are longer than,  say,  30 seconds just to get her attention,  they're a concern.  Like hearing a parent or boyfriend of the parent making a child carry heavy cinderblocks around as punishment.

I'm not getting a good vibe - at all - from your description.  

I think your fiance should be completely out of the discipline thing completely,  and I have a strong sense that it is he who is leading the charge for flash cards,  and unnecessary structure.

Just a strong feeling.