Highly violent behavior

[Vinnie11]

I really need help for my Cousin's son.
He is 10 years old and a very intelligent kid but at times he behaves very different ways. Usually he behaves normally but at times he grew violent and forcefully tried to fulfill his wishes. He just purchased play station2 but after 3-4 days he's demanding for play station 3 and when his mother try to convince him, he started beating his grand father very badly. This was just the beginning, after this incidence lots of times he started beating his grand father for his irrelevant demands. Now it has become his nature that whatever he wished to buy we have to purchase otherwise he'll beat his grand father. His grand father also don't said anything to him because he loved him a lot and it is not possible to stop that kid when he's angry bcoz at that moment he looks compltly different, it looks like he's not he at that moment. I mean when I saw him in that mood I was scared compltly.
His demands are increasing day by day and it is not possible to purchase each and every toy which he likes that's why my few days back my cousin opposes his demands so he just went to kitchen and takes match box in his hands and threaten them that if they don't purchase a new toy then he'll burn himself.

[margypops]

I agree with everything allmymarbles has said here , most definately in my opinion it is the way the parents and family are dealing with this child , he has been allowed to get out of control and it will continue till they get a handle on it and firm with him and have consequences for bad behavior. Remove privileges and be consistent .He shouldn't be around anyone vunerable until he realises he cannot lash out at them . ,I would also check into why he is acting out, there is usually a cause .

[allmymarbles]

I have been thinking over what I have just said. Actually such a situation could not occur in my home unless the grandchild were mentally damaged in some way, because there is no precedent for such behavior for the child to copy. The boy's household tolerates his violence, which suggests that violence is not all that unusual for them. The blame lies with the adults.

[allmymarbles]

Find yourself a new doctor. I never heard such idiotic advice. The way to control him is NOT to give in to him. What I don't understand is the relationship with his grandfather. Although I have never hit my children (maybe on slap for each once in their lives for being rude), were a grandchild to hit me I would smack him so hard that he would never dream of doing it again. I would shake  him by the ears and frighten the life out of him. Now that would work in my home because we are a peaceful non-violent family. If your cousin's home tolerates violence in general, then such an approach would not work. But certainly something is wrong in that household.

[Vinnie11]

Exactly, dats the thing. You're completely right. When we take him(kid) to Psychiatrist, he behaves very decently and politely. Even when he meets anyone, he behaves very nicely(when he's not in his spoiled mood) but I don't know what happens to him in his home. Earlier he was very cautious that nobody except his family would able to see him in his violent mood but now it hardly matters to him. Even, if there is any guest in the house, he won't stop or feel shy to behave in that way; he just start demanding for his things and if we don't purchase then he threatens us with different ways.

I am really worried for him bcoz there is no improvement in his behavior, even it is degrading day by day.
Do you know any parent/family/friend handling the same situation. I just want to know how to handle and control such kid. He is not a bad kid, he's very lovely,very caring kid but I don't know....why he's behaving in such a way. Even he knows that he's doing all these things but he is giving justification that I beat my grand father bcoz you don't purchase my fav. toy. Even , now for small small things he used to black mail us by saying that if u don't fulfill my wish I will hit him (Grand father) and according to doc's prescription, we cannot be rude to him, we cannot directly oppose him, so situation is just running out of our hands.

[allmymarbles]

The problem with psychiatrists is that they do not see the child in his home. Often the misbehavior is directly related to those around him and their treatment of him.

The responders on this forum are either parents, or grandparents, or experts in the field of child behavior. That is to say that in some way we are all experienced. For instance, I come from a very large family and have found that almost all problems can be dealt with in the home if the problems are properly identified. That also suggests that most problems originate in the home.

[Vinnie11]

Thank you for your kind reply.

We had taken him to the Psychiatrist and he had prescribed him mild medicine (EPILEX-Sodium Valproate Oral Solution) and my cousin's son is taking those medicine from last six months but the thing is that there is not much improvement. Also, Doc prescribed that if he's demanding for anything don't stop him directly just try to avoid it. This is the most difficult thing for us bcoz practically it is not possible. When he's in his spoiled mood, he won't listen to anything, his face simply turned red and he refuses to listen anything.

It is a big problem for us to handle this kind of situation. I would be highly thankful to you if you can suggest me any cure or therapy or any mild medicine which works well with this situation.
One more thing, if he found to be a BIPOLAR DISORDER case, could he totally get rid of this disorder and does he require to undergo special tests like NARCO ANALYSIS, EEG, MRI etc.
Plz help

[allmymarbles]

To all:

It is my thought that the person with the question is not a native English speaker. Maybe instead of "beat" she means "hit."

[allmymarbles]

He is a spoiled brat and you are the ones spoiling him. He will only improve his behavior when you improve your parenting. To put it another way - HE is not the problem.

[margypops]

I would agree that the whole family need help

[tiredbuthappy]

I agree that it may be a learned behavior, but when it has escalated to the point where he harms others and threatens to harm himself, time-outs, sticker charts and standard discipline will not undo this. The whole family needs professional help.

[margypops]

I agree with Heatherm4 and I would also say this child has learned the behavior.,they need to take control,i do not believe it is a 'mental' issue  

[tiredbuthappy]

This is very dangerous and unacceptable. I won't speculate on the reason (being spoiled, having a mental disorder, etc...), all I can say is that this has to be stopped NOW. And when a child is behaving this violently, it's probably beyond what the family can handle on their own. They need PROFESSIONAL help. Immediately- he needs to be physically stopped if he attacks his grandfather. If they can't, then call the police and have them do it. If he takes matches and makes threats, call and ambulance.
He needs help from a psychiatrist now. They should make that call before it gets so bad they do need the cops or ambulance. If he threatens anyone, himself or family member, they need to take immediate action.

[Heatherm4]

He has them wrapped around his little finger. He is not the boss and needs to be showed that. He has to realize that he needs to save up and do good deeds and chores in order to get these things that he wants. He needs to learn the word no and stop being so manipulative.
Maybe he witnessed violent behaviour has been learned from his own father. He could possibly have issues as well but every other way has to be exhausted before thinking it's a "mental" issue.