bad behavior?

[jinx77]

I have a 4 year old step daughter that i am dumb founded as to how to deal with... she has an extreme level of anger towards me to the point that she will push me and hit me and tell me she wants me to die and i have no clue what to do anymore after repeated time outs and having things taken away she continues this behavior and it is really rough on my oldest son who is 6.... he has been having extremely bad headaches due to all this stress and tension and i am very concerned... she is also demonstrating agression toward my  8 month old daughter (pushing, pinching, kicking, etc..) and im afraid she will hurt her so i have to make her stay away and i dont want my family to be like this ... if there is something i have not tried then all advice and suggestions are welcome

[suzi-q]

Yes, I am sorry for calling your child a "maniac" child.  It was wrong.  I am just so concerned for the other children in the family (especially the six year old).  However that is no excuse for my poor choice of words.  I am sorry.

[BabyHardiman]

Wow, that was a little harsh don't you think calling a 4 year old a "maniac child".  Who knows what is going on with the visits with her mother.. I think we should give the little girl a little more respect.  At 4 she only knows what she is being taught, and what she sees in life... that is her life.

jinx77 -

I know you have probably tried everything under the sun, but have you tried to take your stepdaughter on an outing with just you and her?  Maybe to the zoo, or something that will last a long time.  You could sit and talk to her yourself to try to understand what is going on in her little head.  I know your life is busy right now with the baby, the home, and the rest of the family, but couldn't you find a little time to spend one on one with her?

[suzi-q]

That is a very difficult situation.  What is "dad" saying through all of this?  What is her behavior like toward him?  Also, if you don't mind my asking, why doesn't mom have custody?  

It is obvious that you are trying your best and giving this child every benefit of the doubt.  But you are going to have to make a decision if this continues for the sake of your other children.  I know you are very concerned for the baby, but I am even more concerned for your 6 year old!  Her behavior is definitely affecting him and you do not want him to have any long term effects.  You may need to "move out" for a while or maybe ship the "maniac" child to a grandparent.

[jinx77]

yes she lives with us full time and i have spoken to her therapist about this and she says that right now she is still unsure if she is gettin to her or not but she thinks that she shouldnt see her mother b/c she feels that she is being told to say the things she says but im not sure if we can stop her visitation or not i am truely at my wits end and i try so hard to be her friend or to get close and she meets it with such hostility and yesterday after i h ad posted the original msg i was cleaning and had gone to the kitchen as i came back in the baby was sittin on the floor playin with her toys and the 4 year old walked by and kicked her and i went over to get her and to put emerald into time out and she hit me as hard as she could.... i just dont know what to do anymore

[RockRose]

Do you know what she's doing in the therapy sessions?  That she's gotten more aggressive may be a good thing - she may be working through some painful stuff and it's coming out.

I think you are VERY wise to be watching out for your son and baby,  and putting their emotional/physical safety first,  and it may turn out that you need to live separately,  at least during this very difficult time.    Is the girl living with you full time?  

Have you had a chance to talk to the therapist and get her/his feelings on whether this will work out?

[jinx77]

she is currently in therapy but since the therapy she has slowly grown more aggressive and at times i am scared and i feel bad that i am scared of a child of her age. sad to say it has gotten to the point that im not sure anymore that my love for her and her father are enough....

[RockRose]

Maybe family counseling where she is allowed and encouraged to express her anger and fear in ways besides hitting the baby?  Four year olds in this position - of dealing with new siblings and new "moms" don't usually have many social skills to enable them to express rage in a healthy way,  and at the right person.  She is probably unable to realize it's her dad and mom who have caused this pain for her,  and expressing it to them, rather than her new half sibling,  would probably be very therapeutic for her.