2.5 year old refusing to sleep

[BabyBoo77]

My daughter has always been a pretty good sleeper.  She has always slept ALOT naps and at nighttime, and she was always the most comfortable putting herself to sleep, we would put her in her crib/bed awake and would go to sleep, sometimes waking during the night, but always going immediately back to sleep.  She has been in her toddler bed for a year, which was an easy transition, and all of a sudden one night a week ago, refused to go to sleep.  She began crying and became hysterical, refusing to stay in her room even.  (She would NEVER leave her room, and always call for us).  We would calmly tell her she needed to stay in her room, which she would  and she would go to sleep after about a half hour.  All of a sudden, 2 nights after this started the hysterics got really bad, and she completely refused to stay in her room, coming up well over 5 times.  We attempted to put a gate up, which she completely freaked out about, started pulling at her hair, banging her head, etc.  We took the gate down as it seemed to increase teh anxiety, however now she automatically assumes it's up and freaks out.  Last MOnday night after 5 hours of hysterics and continuously putting her back in her bed, (it was now after midnight) I told her I would sit with her, but she needed to sleep in her new big girl room, which wasn't ready for her, but there was a twin bed I could lay with her in instead of a toddler bed.  She readily complied, and I was up for sleep after 2 nights of this.  Needlesst  say she was up almost all night long.  The next day, she slept during nap in her new room without incident or issue, that night again was another round of screaming and hysterics looking petrified again like she did in her old room, and refusing to stay in bed, not letting us close the door (she has always slept with the door closed).  the only way to get her to sleep was to lay with her or by her.  AFter she would fall asleep, hours later, I or my hubby would go back in our room, inevitable she would wake up to the slightest noise, creaking, anything and then be up for another 3-4 hours (between 2-5am) and then finally falling asleep for another hour.   If she sees we are not there, she freaks and refuses to stay in her room.  Each night we move the place we are sleeping further away, now we are sleeping in the hallway outside of her door.  
I seriously do not know how much longer we can take this.  I am almost 7 months pregnant and sleeping on the floor is killing my body, even with a mass of pillows.  Luckily i am home over the summer, but go back to work in Sept.  and the baby is due in October.  Our house is tiny and we are prisoners in our own home, not being able to make the slightest sound or movement without waking her, i cannot even close her door after she is asleep or walk downstairs without it waking her.  My husband leaves for work at 3 am 3 days a week which also wakes her up now every night (didn't before) .  I do NOT want to get her in a routine of us sleeping with her.  Sometimes she seems albsolutely petrified but it happend all of a sudden one night.  We have cut back on the nap to an hour if at all, which makes no difference.  It is already taking a toll on our marriage, as my husband, when he works, gets home after 7pm has 45 minutes to shower, eat dinner adn spend time with her before we start this horror of a night, because we don't even get to speak for 5 minutes  once he's home, as once she starts screaming, we end up having to go up to bed for the night, which puts us in bed around 830pm ,but separated, one dealing with her, the other trying to de stress or sleep.

  We have a stringent bedtime routine that she's had for a very long time, she knows the routine and seems to like it.  We talk about it during the day and around 6 pm.  I have tried putting her to bed when it's light out since she will nap without issue , and that doesn't work.  I don't know what else to do.  We are prisoners in our own home, my husband and I have difficulty seeing each other as is without adding this, and I am petrified about what will happen when the baby gets here and is up at night crying, and having to deal with my daughter , the baby and having to go to work. If she won't sleep now with us walking up the steps, closing a door or with the TV on volume 3 downstairs, how is she goign to sleep with a baby??  Wanting to sleep comfortably makes me want to bring her in our room, but I am resistant to this as I don't want to start this and not be able to get her out of our room.  I cannot allow her to fall asleep with one of us in her bed, becuase you cannot get out of it without her waking up.   With my husbands work schedule and 1.5 hour commute he is exhausted constantly and cannot afford to be exhausted with the commute and the nature of his job, it could be life threatening.  Please help.  

[Hazel30]

After reading your post here and on the doctor forum I wanted to comment.  Changing a childs room and/or bed especialy at this age can be a dramatic change.  Being that she is only 2.5 its kind of hard to explain and come to a compromise with her. With that said, if I was you I would put everything back to how it originaly was before she began these evening episodes.  Such as bed and room.  I recently had a second child and while I was pregnant my 2 big things were to switch my 2.5 year old to a twin bed and potty train. I did both within 3 months.  I wanted to switch rooms and move him to a bigger room but decided that it would be very big change for him.  So I kept him in his room.  When he was 2 years and 8 months switched him to his twin bed and at 2 years 10 months potty trained him.  I think your biggest mistake was changing rooms.  I know its a lot to do but try to put her back in her old room with all her stuff in original order.  My son the first few weeks loved his "Big boy bed" then all of the sudden was terrified.  Being that he was a little older then your little girl it was earsier to communicate for him to understand.  take care

[BabyBoo77]

Last night was not great.  She fell asleep quickly, without the nap, but only slept until 1030 when us quietly creeping up the stairs woke her.  .she then woke up every hour for the remainder of the night .. my husband was off, so he dealt with her giving me a break. . but he slept on her floor and not outside of her room, which I am not all that happy with . .she is exhausted again today and is whining all morning . .she didn't get out of bed but i think that is becuase daddy was on the floor and she knew better .. she definilty is fearful of something, which is evident in her cry, but there are other times she is clearly manipulating the situation. . . here were some of our thoughts :1.) if she comes downstairs after we put her to bed, just ignore her  AND/OR let her sit her and hear us talk, making her sit on the sofa and not play (maybe she will get bored?)  2.) I would be curious to see how she sleeps if we put her to bed awake like we were doign until last week, but in our room .. leave and shut the door and go downstairs. . would she still flip out or would she feel comfortable?  3.) how would she sleep if one of us sleeps with her in bed or if she would sleep with us?? would she sleep better?? is it a security thing???  I would hate to do that, she's never slept with us, unless I laid down with her for a nap in a strange surrounding.  ..I just don't want to start worse habits ..

[margypops]

I think you have also hit the nail on the head about the 3am waking,and you have learnt a lot from this it'll all work out you know Baby and all .No dont move her back to her room now make a big fuss of the new one ,and a few toys when Baby is here wont hurt.and Hey a Baby doll for her to hold,  You all sound so caring ,I remember all the Traumas I had there are some one never forgets. Good Luck

[BabyBoo77]

thank you thank you for your kind words and encouragement, I know that i am reacting from a place of fear that this isn't going to end and from a place of exhaustion.  I will try your suggestions of putting her back in the room and let you know how it goes.  She went to sleep tonight while we read to her, out of shear exhaustion because I wouldn't let her nap today.  My DH and I finally got a chance to talk tonight (the first time literally in over 7 days becuase of all of this) adn we came up with some other solutions and ideas.  He is not working tomorow, so i am anxious to see how she sleeps without a 3am sleep disturbance on top of her typical late night (well needed potty trip).  I am praying that us walking up the stairs will not wake her. After talking tonight, we really regret moving her room.  I wish in hindsight, we would of realized how difficult this would be for her, and realized that it just wasn't that important .. we could of repainted teh other room for teh baby and gradually introduced the new things into her old room. . . but hindsight is 20/20 right??  I know we cannot mvoe her back now . . .i just hope it gets better and she gets comfortable before the baby gets here adn before I have to get back to work. .  .I am open to any other suggestions. .. thank you again. . your kindness has really helped me tonight. .

[margypops]

I think it is due to the New baby coming she sees and hears about the Baby coming and maybe in her little 2year old head she thinks Baby will take her place,when you talk to her about the new Baby (have you a name yet) make it talking about all 4 of you, Mommy ,Daddy Her, and Baby, be very upbeat and all you will do together ,going to the Stores and the Park and Visiting Granma or whoever is a Family Favorite.I have reread your posts twice and I do think that this is the Root of her Behavior and its got out of control as you are tired and probably overreacting more than normal.Each time she comes out of her room put her back, over and over, quietly no reaction ,no fuss, before you do it you can tell her she has to stay there,then gently and quietly,no words in she goes,it will be very tiring and could go on for a while and she will yell,that is  okay trust me,you may need to put that gate there I thought it was just to her room,but if its at the top of the stairs you are correct and she could fall down them.Let her have a night light plug in in her room.Perhaps she has overheard some talk about her Room or babys room and is trying to add up more in her head.Dont talk about it too much even the next day ,too many words for a 2yearold.

[BabyBoo77]

She did go to Daycare 2 times a week and was at home with Daddy the other 2-3 days, but i have been home now for over 6 weeeks for the summer. I have thought what happened last week that may have set this off, but it's been our regular routine, nothing specific that may have happened.  Weird thing is she was terrified in her room she had been insince she was born, not just the new room.  

We did start getting her new room ready about 3 weeks ago and she started spending more time in it last  week.  She has been very exited about the baby until about 2 weeks ago.  We have tried to be very open about the baby, although we've decided not to talk about it for awhile unless she brings it up hoping that helps.  We are concerned about safety issues however, last night after we put her to bed, she didn't scream, until after the 5th time  in 15 minutes she came down the steps and I put her back in bed, then we had to go up to our room because of how hysterical she was and refusing to stay in her room.  I am concerned becuase what if she decides that she wants to look for us downstairs and it's teh middle of teh night adn she falls??  Her room is fairly close to the steps so there is no way to put the gate on the steps without her feeling like it's there for her.  It starts out with her seemingly playing games and manipulating, and as it progressed she actauly looks completely fearful and scared, and flip flops like this for most of the night.  Our doctors unfortunately are no help at all, tell me it's behavioral and to pretty much deal with it.  Let her cry, however she won't stop even after 4-6 hours, never has, and now we have the issue of her refusing to stay in her room and coming out all the time.  What do we do????? We have no life and get no break from her, especially if i keep her up instead of napping to try to get her to sleep, then she's up for over 6 hours every night . . .it's worse than an infant.  

[margypops]

Does she go to Daycare? have there been any changes in her life recently,she seems to have some seperation anxiety going on,did anything happen a week ago you could put your finger on that could have upset her? Dont use a gate they feel imprisoned,and it makes it worse.Dont make a big deal of the going to bed thing and dont discuss it an hour before you are only revving it up. Make less of an Issue of it, she has picked up on your concerns and as you are so tired you are Reacting more,It happened so suddenly one asks what happened prior to it .Does she overhear ,and they do understand anxious stuff at this age, about you having the Baby and going into Hospital could she have heard a conversation you have had with a friend or Family.If it continues perhaps seek some help from your Doc to check she has no pain or discomfort.

[BabyBoo77]

One more quick thing, we have attempted to reward the good sleeping and behavior which has always worked with her, even with her picking out the reward. She has always responded well to this.  When I try to bring it up she shakes her head and says "nope" that she's not going to do it.  I have dropped everything this week to give her my undivided attention as I figured she needed more 1:1 time and more reassurance, and that has not improved the situation. She has been EXTREMELY demanding this week also.  She seems to be fairing better on the little sleep than i am, and can bearly function during the day, especially if I don't give her a nap so that she falls asleep easier (she has never responded well to no nap, typically sleeping worse, eg the less sleep she gets during the day, the less she gets at night. . . all of a sudden this seems to have changed, sleeping from on average 3 hour naps and 11-13 hour nighttime sleeps, to us limiting naps to 1 hour or less by our choice (she would still sleep all day if given the chance) and sleeping pieced together maybe 4-7 hours during the night.  Again, this happened not gradually but all of a sudden.
She has no medical issues, and is not complaining of anything hurting or bothering her.