Cussing, aggressive 3 year old

[Mollie301]

My grandson cusses and becomes so aggressive when his mother punishes him, he breaks things, hits her and screams until he's hoarse. Her punishment includes washing mouth out with soap , light spanking and confining to room. His older 6 yr. old brother teases him constantly which brings on the bad behavior.  Have my own ideas, but my daughter-in-law is hard to offer suggestions to. Please help, any suggestions will be appreciated.

[margypops]

I concur with the above posts no need for me to repeat it, this boy could use some help, you are a good and caring Gran, come and let us know how it goes, you will be alad you stood up and were counted ..

[Mollie301]

I thank you so much for your input and will talk with both my son and his wife. Granny

[babygirl6152]

there are parenting classes sometimes at churches, schools, etc
SON and DIL need a major attitude change in child rearing-  by the way don't look for them to be called parenting classes ;-) they'll be disguised under much more subtle names.

Maybe you two could go together and become closer where she feels she can confide in you-

These boys will not improve until there is a major change but it has to be learned- maybe books you two can read and exchange ideas on? Offer to take the boys for a day and let her relax and read and really let some of the info sink in or better yet get a sitter and you two delve in together as extra incentive take her out to lunch after.....

Good luck- I know you care.

[Natta1980]

The above said applies to Dad's tantrums as well - she needs to start ignoring husband's tantrums altogether. Dad is having a bad day - take son for a walk- outside - wherever, away from cursing and fighting.


Oh - what a familiar situation

Action is needed now - or your child will end up with anxiety issues (like mine):(

[Natta1980]

Since none of the punishments are working and they are way too harsh

As for her, I feel her pain, it is extremely difficult to manage your child's behavior when your child sees his role model doing the same thing. You loose all authority. She needs to start ignoring his tantrums - altogeter. No emotional reaction whatsoever. Remove him to the "quiet area", never lock him in the room (my dear husband did a lot of damage with this type of "punishment").
He will stop. He will get worse, a lot worse for 2-3 weeks, then he will get better.

Dad, on the other hand, need to stop these behaviors as well. And ignore son's tantrums. Unless Dad stops, it will continue. Talk to your son. He needs to talk to his wife and apologize and make "rules" as to how to handle situations.

We have the same situation (I am the Mom) - and dear son proceeded to curse out/hit all female teachers. Never was agressive towards children, only teachers, and only female.

Scenario was as follows - son misbehaves, dad screams, curses, and slaps, I try to calm dad and move him to the "calm spot" (b/c he starts to spew out things like "you ruin my life", or "you give me indigestion" to our little angel, he proceeds to curse me out and call me all kinds of names. Dad stopped (with pharmaceuticals and 1-2 therapists aid) - son stopped too, not immediately, took about 3 months. Dad let one "f" bomb drop - son started back again, with the same intensity.

Dad absolutely needs to stop, once he does, he needs to talk to his son and state that he sometimes gets angry but he loves him very much....My son also has extreme anxiety about his dad due to his violent anger outbursts. Thing is that I cannot even take my son away from dad while dad is having a tantrum b/c my son thinks it is his fault and he fights me, trying to get back to Daddy. Dad needs to gain trust back.

To recap my rant, unless Dad changes his behaviors, it will be very pointless to engage in any behavior management. Mom may/may not be triggering some of the behaivors. Family counseling is called for.

[Mollie301]

My son does have a say but since he has not been a good role model, my daughter in law may not listen to his ideas. My grandson is only repeating what he's heard his dad say to his mom, still what can be done? Since none of the Mom's punishments are working, do you have any suggestions that might be tried. I will speak to my daughter in law but want to have something to offer her not just criticisim for her punishments. Thanks, the concerned and upset Granny.

[margypops]

Speak to your son ..he does have a say in his sons welfare?

[margypops]

I can figure out what your ideas are, definatly this little boy ,you say he is teased by an older sibling, is upset and showing his frustration by acting out ,the punishments he receives are very harsh for a 3 year old, he is doing the same as he is getting , spanking , confining, washing with soap, all out of order, perhaps a good idea to speak strongly to your daughter, also about the 6 year olds bullying..