compulsive theft & lying

[Junies_Cousin]

I have custody of my cousins son, he has been with the family since 14 months when my mother passed away I took over custody three years ago.  He was born with crack and alcohol syndeome and testicular cancer at age 5....so lifes not great all the time.  ......we have had some past issues of him stealing (mostly food) and lies even when theres no reason to lie...like did you have breakfast...and instead of saying yes or no will tell some story of why he did not eat yet.  .....any way the past year is out of control, he been to doctors, I have given possitive attention, not punished for theft, writing, no sweets or going out to dinner (which means me too...LOL)keeping a journal, not going to friends houses, rewarding him for good behavior at end of the week, letting the small stuff go , telling him nobodys perfect but....he continues to steal. the doctors all say counsiling might work or drugs but I cant even get him an appointment until late November for evaluationand I am going crazy now....no matter what food I give him like swwets and cany he still steals more and its not like he wants a slice of cheese he takes the whole pack and hides the wrappers in the sofa...5 or 6 ice stix and hides them in behind the bed, whole bags of chips...my sister and I share the house so she has junk food  too.  Any idea what to do with him....I cant have him home alone and I need to work, I dont get money to send him to after care.

[RAD_MOM]

I know your pain... my husband and have adopted his nieces four children 10 years ago that do the exact same thing... except they are all teenagers now and are now stealing things of worth... now up to over 500.00!!
I have been recently been told they all suffer from RAD... Reactive Attachment Disorder.... look that up and find a therapist that specializes in that area.  Even though you are related... you should apply to social services for anything you might be able to get!!
Good luck, and God bless you!  Remember... you can only teach them right from wrong... the rest is up to them and God!

[Junies_Cousin]

thanks.....hopefully someone out there has some help for me the regular pediatritian said to get him evaluated and I an STILL waiting for an appointment, none available until December! so far off they wont take appointments yet.  pediatrician said there might be some drugs for depression that can help this but ALL the doctor opinions say it helps....ALL the parents who reply on this method say its a waste of time and that it just added to the problems with varios side effects.

I want to do what I feel is right, but I cant live like I am in jail and put locks and alarms on everything. He had this problem once before when he was losing it ( so were we! ) and one of the male pediatricians finally got ahold of him and grabbed his arm and said "you are going to stop this right now, you are a good boy and you are going to behave like one! and that was it he just stopped.  He also showed remorse for what he had done NOT anymore does not say he is sorry or anything....even when he is told to say it just stands there and stares at you (a creepy stare that goes thru you )


because I am related to him I dont get the same services like after care or big brothers or additional counceling, his big brothther does (age 17 with Aspergers OCD ADHD...too much for me) his brother goes to special camps and everything I have had to quit my job because I can no longer leave him alone in the house because of the stuff he does ........I cant not work but the state does not pay me to take care of him like his brothers foster family gets so much.  No wonder its not easy to get a family member to take on a relatives kid.

sorry for going on & on but I'm losing it too...  : (
I hope someone reads this and can help... I live in Jackson, NewJersey if that helps.

[zawnee]

Hello, I don't have any information that could help but wanted to tell you I think you are very brave and I will remember you in my prayers. Take care.