scared or manipulative

[idotraumas]

my son is 2 months away from being 5 years old and his behavior is driving us nuts. There is no downtime for us. We smoke but we only do it outside the home and when he is not nearby. When we go outside to smoke, he wants to follow us out. We have explained to him repeatedly that we smoke outside because it is not good for him to breath it in and he will not go back in the house; despite punishments of time out for not obeying us, spankings, no tv, etc. He also has this attitude inside the house about not wanting to be in a room by himself. He makes us go to the bathroom and stand outside the door and watch him go to the bathroom. he calls out my name every minute if I am doing housework and walk into another room only to tell me that he loves me when he hears my voice (its the fear I hear in his voice like he is alone that bothers me about this one). We have had quite a bit of adult stress in our lives lately and I am wondering if these acts are reactive to the stress he has felt from our stressors as well. We sold our house, moved to a rental to start building, i've been sick and out of work for 6+ months, our daughter is leaving for college soon (trying to start preparing him for that now), quit daycare recently (Behavior has been going on since June/July). And he will not sleep in his bed alone all night.  Is he truly scared or being manipulative to get his way? oh yeah and he will not go to sleep. i can put him in bed with tv on Home shopping network and he will lay there and watch it for hours.

[idotraumas]

We sat down this evening and had a good talk with our son. We allowed him to express his anxieties and expelled them when he finished by relating to him on his level. It felt very positive and his attitude was much more pleasant after the fact. Thanks for your input.

[jdtm]

Is he truly scared or being manipulative to get his way?

He's scared.  I suspect he is also suffering from anxiety (probably separation anxiety).  You might wish to google the term "childhood anxiety" or "separation anxiety" or similar words/phrases to find out more information on this issue.  There should be lots of information on the internet concerning methods/help in dealing with this problem.  As the first poster said - lots of patience and understanding helps to ease the fears.   However, do be aware, that anxiety is an issue that takes a long time to resolve (but with proper help, your son will learn how to manage his fears).  I wish you the best ...

[shaz71]

Hi it sounds like something is effecting him, also the tv on at night is a no no, they will never go to sleep my daughter doesn't. I read to her now, the less sleep she has the more hyper and defiant she becomes. Just try and be patient and try not to tell him off all the time as this is constantly negative, i know it easier said than done as i am the same your patience soon wears thin, but try and concentrate on the positive things he does, like over exagerate like if he takes his empty plate in kitchen or tidy some toys away, notice how i say some as if he is like my daughter she will not tidy any. Good luck hope things improve. Sharon x