This is my very first forum or question EVER submitted on Internet. I have been so torn up since I received THE CERTIFIED LETTER from my pain doctor. First guys, I must admit I was kicked out for my own fault, so please don't be too hard on me. I have and my family has already, not to mention the doctors office done that. I am taking full responsibility for this, but I cannot find anyone or any advice to help me. Ok, I took my husbands morphine before I went to see him ( like a few days before first appointment ) and 1st test was positive he sent a letter and told me to explain it. I did, then he said he hesitated to send me that letter because I was not under contract when I took it, so he would not give me a strike. I was very thankful. Then, a few months later I had a lot going on with my fathers health, husband, teenage son,etc...I told him I took some Xanax that was my friends because I ran out of my Valium, but wanted to be honest with him. He said, well, that's a strike for you, but I will give you 45 instead of 30 Valium. I apologized and thanked him. He thanked me for the truth. Ok, here it goes... In June I took a UA and he gave me scripts for all my meds June and July. Then I get THE LETTER AUGUST 1 stating he is firing me for failing my UA in June for morphine a second time which I had admitted to taking my husbands before I started pm and that he would no longer see me because that was the 2nd time positive for it. Ok, why was I not notified 2 months ago and that 1st time I was not under a contract and he told me he wouldn't hold it against me. This is no excuse, just the truth to why I took it a second time. My Husband and I went to Tulsa for the day and we got stranded there overnight with a family emergency and I did not have my meds. I only expected to be gone 6 -10 hours and my husband carries his old script with him when his back hurts. He had 2 pills and he took one and I took it because I didn't expect to be w/o mine that night! I didn't want to hurt cause my blood sugar goes so high when I hurt! My lupus will flare and RA WILL START IN HURTING, then goes the FIBERMYALGIA . My ER CO PAY IS 300.00, so like a total idiot, yes I took it to hold me over till the next morning and guess what! 3 days later? YEP, UA test! I did it to myself, just didn't want to hurt ;(. My husband went to his office at closing hours and basically just asked him what to do and he said go to er for withdrawal. They may or may not help her. My husband told him tomorrow we are going to the endrocronologist because her blood sugar went so high for days from this stress. He did not care. My husband said he understood why I was fired, but how can I get treatment again? He sent a cc to all of my doctors of the firing letter, but said for me to have my pcp refer me to another pm doc. My question is what steps can I take to get treated again? Will anyone ever prescribe pain meds again? I have been on meds for 5 years. I also have X-rays and MRI's of my spine and torn rotator cuff. I know I did this and he had a right to fire me, just please can someone give me steps to take to even get in front of another pain doc;( I cannot function in life without the meds. I am also on disability. I have no quality of life without the meds, that's why I took them to begin with in Tulsa and before I got in to his office. I live in Oklahoma, I am a 42 year old female. Please, anyone?!? I am so afraid and sick to my stomach I cannot function. When a pm doc gets records from all docs including him, there will bee that firing letter and I can't even get in to explain;(. Can someone please help answer soon, I'm so sick and afraid. Please, other than I did it to myself and oh well!! I truly get that...thank you.