Pregnant Guy A or B

[Perplexedandpregnant]

I had sex with two guys in the same week. Guy A and I had sex twice but used protection both times. The condoms did not break and I watched him dispose of them. Guy B, we had unprotected sex once. He “pulled out”. Is it safe to assume Guy B is the father?

[ppowb]

The dates are too close for comfort. Guy A seems like someone who’s is sexually practiced and somewhat less likely to be the father than guy B who is comfortable with pull out even though it hardly qualifies as contraception.

[AnnieBrooke]

It depends. You know that the eventful week you had fun with Guy A and Guy B, was the week when you ovulated?

[AnnieBrooke]

And, even if you are pretty sure the week was the right week for ovulation, did you have sex with either guy any other time than in that specific week?

[AnnieBrooke]

(I'm trying to rule out sex from some other week, with one of the guys but not the other, being the sex that produced the pregnancy.)

[Perplexedandpregnant2]

I’m sorry, I get to make a new account. I had sex with Guy A on 4/5 protected. I had sex with Guy B unprotected on 4/7. I had sex with Guy A 4/9 protected. On 5/2, I found out I was 5-6 weeks along with an HCG Blood test after a urine test at the doctor. My periods have been irregular this year so I don’t know when I ovulated. I do know the condom did not break or fail the two times with Guy A. I have my first official appointment next week but thinking about terminating due to the messiness of the situation.

[AnnieBrooke]

Okay, then, it sounds like you are saying that the only times you had sex with Guy A were on the 5th and 9th of April, and the only time with Guy B before you found out that you were pregnant was on the 7th of April? There wasn't any, say, 29th of March, 17th of April, or other date? What was your hCG count on May 2?

[AnnieBrooke]

Also, if you knew for sure that the baby was from one of the two guys, would you still be considering termination?

[Perplexedandpregnant2]

Guy B, I had sex with 3/16 and 3/18, unprotected both times. My period was late at that point but it came on 3/28 and I bled 7 full days. I didn’t consider those dates as included since I had a period after. My HCG was at 1050 on 5/2.

I would not want to learned with Guy A. He was a my first fling. Guy B is a partner I’ve had for some time now but we also ate not in a relationship.

[Perplexedandpregnant2]

I’m sorry for the errors. I do not want to parent with Guy A. He was a short fling and that’s it. I haven’t had sex at all with anyone since 4/9. My periods have been irregular this year and I wasn’t having sex at all January through 3/16.

[AnnieBrooke]

So, correct me if I'm restating it wrong, but this sounds like you're saying that the times you mentioned, the 5th, 7th and 9th, are the only times that would have gotten you pregnant, since before those times you had a period, and after that you didn't have sex before learning you were pregnant.

The closest the hCG level can get you is the 5-6 weeks GA figure you already have, which brackets the same time period we're talking about.

This leaves only a prenatal DNA test as a way to know in time to prevent terminating. How much do you want to be a mom at this time? Would Guy B be open to being a parent? His opinion is not the be-all and end-all of the decision, but his wishes should be included in your thinking.

Ravgen and the DDC both do prenatal DNA testing, from a blood test from you (your arm) and swabs from both guys. It's expensive to do DNA testing before the baby is born, but then you will know.  Ideally, both guys and you would split the cost of testing three ways. If you haven't read the FAQs at the top of the community, you might check them out; they talk about why to do the test with both guys and not just one.

[Perplexedandpregnant2]

Both guys are aware of the pregnancy. Guy B pretty much denies there is a possibility of him being the father since we had protected sex. We haven’t spoken since I told him. Guy A and I are not together so the situation is not ideal. Since it’s so messy, I sort of think terminating will allow me to move forward with my life and put this all behind me. I have an appointment for that scheduled. I spoke with DDC and the costs are extremely high but with Guy A checked out already, I don’t know if it’s worth it.

[Perplexedandpregnant2]

Guy A denies that he is the father due to two protected sex incidents. He said good luck, it’s not mine and I haven’t heard from him since. Guy B and I are not together so it’s not ideal. The situation is just horrible and I’m sad I’ve gotten myself to this point.

[Perplexedandpregnant2]

That is correct. I doubt my interactions in March made me pregnant because I had a period that started March 28 and ended April 3rd.

Guy B will do what’s necessary to parent.

[AnnieBrooke]

Well, if you and Guy B are lukewarm about bringing a child into the world, and if you can't see getting a prenatal DNA test because of the cost, and if Guy A is checking out (which, frankly, he can't do if he were to turn out to be the dad, a judge would hit him for child support, so one would think he would want to know who's the dad), all that is left is to hope and trust that the condoms worked. When I was young and had a more varied sex life, I was told in my Planned Parenthood class that condoms are only 80% effective. Meaning, the possibility of the dad being the guy who is actively trying to shirk, does seem to exist, and of course the possibility of it being the guy with whom you had unprotected sex is also absolutely there. If you have the option, you might seek some counseling, so you know the decision you make is the right one for you.

[Perplexedandpregnant2]

Thank you. I appreciate the feedback.

[AnnieBrooke]

I'm sorry there isn't a clear answer without a DNA test.