Lexapro issues etc

[Nikolai5823]

27yo male here. 2 or so years ago I had my first anxiety issue. Anxiety attacks, but not panic attacks. I never had it before so I assumed I was literally going crazy. It was horrible. Yet, a few months later they stopped.

I've had bouts of anxiety on and off since then, usually enough to make me consider medication, but then it eases up before I make the decision. One weird thing is I get anxiety around people I love like my mother, and even have negative thoughts about them, almost like Im trying to make myself feel bad. They're nothing but great to me. Still I haven't had anything severe since 2 years ago. No attacks or worrying, But lots of analyzing "what if" scenarios.

I have a good few hours of energy and happiness each day but like a light switch I will instantly become depressed and empty, not sad.

I suspect a lot of this is from working night shift during the winter, as well as pending relationship and career changes I havent resolved, but I still recall having random anxiety during the summer with no life issues. Although, when I was working out a lot for 6 months I don't remember this issue.

I started on Lexapro yesterday for my depression and only took one 5mg dose. I woke up nauseated, dizzy, pupils dilated and having panic attacks. I went from feeling happy to full panic attack back and forth. I was wide awake. Trying to sleep gave me weird closed eyed imaginations and racing thoughts, which I have had with anxiety attacks before. At work later everything looked different. I didn't like looking at people. This honestly felt like the come up of a hallucinogenic drug and a bad trip. Still, 24 hours after taking, I feel better. But I wonder if that's because the drug is wearing off

I'm scared to take this again honestly. I'd almost rather try going back to the gym, quitting as needed Adderall, and saving these for if that all doesn't work. Mild depression was better than horrible anxiety.

What should I do?

[Paxiled]

To me, I'm wondering, since you seem to be functioning pretty well overall, why you decided to go on medication instead of trying therapy?  Have you tried it and it failed?  Is your problem a lot worse than what you're describing here?  If exercise works, why did you stop?  Have you ever tried meditation and dietary and lifestyle changes?  I'm just wondering, because at least as you describe it here your life isn't optimal but it isn't dominated by  suffering, either.  As for the med, what you're feeling is why I'm wondering why if the problem isn't all that debilitating to your life if you've tried something less invasive than serious medication.  We all react to meds differently.  A med that is extremely sedating for one person can be terribly agitating for another.  Start-up side effects are common; sometimes they go away, sometimes they don't, sometimes what we're suffering is a lot worse than the side effects so we just endure them.  A particular med might just not be the right one for you.  One of the hard things about antidepressants is that the side effects start right away but the positive benefits usually don't start for 4-6 weeks for most people.  And yes, this drug doesn't stay in the body very long and it takes the brain a while to get used to working artificially under the direction of the drug rather than working the way it works naturally.  There's no way to predict how the drug would affect you over time except by taking it over time, and no way to predict whether any particular drug will work for you or won't work for you.  It's trial and error.  

[Paxiled]

But know that, if you go the drug route, if you do stay on a drug for awhile, do not quit abruptly -- there can be significant withdrawals from doing this, so when you stop a drug you've been on you need to taper off of it slowly.  Because you've just started, you can stop much more easily.

[Nikolai5823]

Thanks for the reply. I don't have severe depression or anything. I just have always felt "off." I literally have felt like a chemical is missing in my brain because I would go from normal to empty and depressed for no reason. This has been am ongoing thing and while it's not severe I wanted to improve my life's quality and thought maybe this would stabilize it because it was just getting old, probably worsened by the SAD season.