Really Messed Up

[Anxioussince14]

I have been fighting what my primary GP says is depression for a few months now.  Also anxiety.  I have actually had an issue with this for most of my life (As any of you who read my previous posts know)  Right this very moment I feel super detached and tired and can't focus.  Mornings are an absolute horror.  The only time of day I have been able to eat anything has been in the evening after work.  It's incredibly hard to get out of bed in the morning and I feel so beaten down right now.  I'm currently on Citalopram 30MG, I have taken this religiously for a little over two years.  The doctor also prescribed me Xanax .25MG to take when needed, and lately that has been everyday, sometimes I would take two pills to help drown out the detached feeling and maybe eat some food.

I'm so tired of fighting this.  I have a Wife and Daughter that I love dearly and keep pushing through for them.  I want to enjoy life tho, I want to be able To eat and I want to be able to enjoy the things I use to enjoy.  The only time I get joy right now is when I leave work and go lay down on my couch in the evening when my wife and daughter are around to talk to.  

I am concerned bc it is effecting my job
Performance.  I have a very stressful job in sales an I need to be focused and motivate which I am not.  I have my first ever appointment with a psychiatrist in a few days and hope to get some answers.  A few months ago when all of this started back upy GP took a variety of blood work (CBC, testosterone and thyroid level). All good but for extremely low t and I'm taking androgel for that.

I just feel like I'm never gonna get better and will lose everything I love

[Anxioussince14]

Just seen the psychologist yesterday.  Excited to begin CBT.  The increase in Citalopram dosage appears to be working.  I have more of an appetite (sort of).  Depression is still there tho, I can feel it.

[Anxioussince14]

Yeah I found a psychologist in my area that is $50 /hour.  I'll set up an appt with her this week

[Paxiled]

"The only time I get joy is when I leave work and..."  This is why you see a talk therapist.  Having been to several, that's what hit me -- you enjoy life at home but not at work.  You don't say you love your job and are doing what you like, but that it's stressful.  All jobs are stressful.  But do you like it?  Perhaps there's something there to talk about when you get a psychologist.  I'm not diagnosing, not qualified to do that, but it did stick out to me.

[Anxioussince14]

No I don't believe so.  Psychiatrist didn't think so.  It actually appears I have the flu bc my wife is sick also and my muscles hurt.  It's tough to differ when it's my nerves and an actual illness

[jenniferisme1]

I am in sales and have same symptoms. Are you bipolar?

[Anxioussince14]

Well I've only taken my increased dosage for two days and I woke up this morning and vomited.  Strongly thinking about going back to 30 mg

[Anneinside]

If you want therapy, you need to start seeing a psychologist. They do talk therapy while psychiatrists, being medical doctors, tend to deal with medications. Few psychiatrists do talk therapy. I see both, a psychiatrist for my meds and a psychologist to help me with coping skills and dealing with life crises.

[4Maddie44]

I live in the UK and have seen quite a few psychiatrists in my time.  All they ever did was talk about medication, hardly anything else.  Certainly no talk therapy like you would expect.  Not like in the films!!!

Glad you are feeling a bit better lately.  If you are, perhaps you do not want to up the dosage.  See how you go.  If you begin to feel bad again, then perhaps you will decide to do that.  As you are doing well at the moment, I would stay as you are.  As you say, upping the dose could make you have a few more side effects until your body gets used to the higher dosage.

Take care, and keep us updated.  

[Anxioussince14]

Well I just had an appt with my psychiatrist.  She wants to up the dose of my citalopram from 30 mg - 40 mg.  I'm very apprehensive about this bc I'm afraid of experiencing side effects again.  I was hoping to get more talk therapy out of her, instead she just wants to adjust the meds.  I'm actually feeling decent lately, I just don't know about upping the dosage

[4Maddie44]

I really admire you that you can keep a stressful job.  That must be so difficult for you.  I know that must be so hard.  I could not go on working when I had depression.  I had two long bouts off work, and eventually had to go on Invalidity Benefit.  You should be proud that you can continue to work, and be a family man.  

Do update us on how you get on with the psychiatrist.

Take care

[jack_black]

please keep us posted on the psychiatrist's advice.