Help me get myself back.

[sickofm]

Hi everyone, I am new to this forum, but I was just wonder if someone can help me.
Lately I have been a very selfish person, sometimes I cant even believe things that comes out of my mouth. Im not sure, why i have been acting this way, holding grudges against people, kinda keeping score of things. Thats not me, sometimes i think I just got tired of being nice and been taking advantage of. I ve always had many people around me, they were not necessarily "friends" but I can def say that I have been a very social person, always tried to help people whenever I could always going out my way to please others and turns out that whenever I needed I had nobody, I mean  nobody to count on. well shouldnt say nobody,( my husband has always been there for me.) but besides him, I had no friends, no family to go to. I always thought it s better to help than ask for help, but the times that I ve asked for help, it seems like everyone was too busy. So I ve decided to change the way that i behave with others, which is causing these horrible conflict in my mind. My husband its extremely supportive but sometimes, I even think its too much on him. I kinda take all the rage, and disappointment that  I have on him i keep going back and forth telling him, how much we have helped " this person" and now he wouldnt even call to see how we are doing...things like that. I have always done things without expecting things back. but now I feel like " what about me? who thinks about me" . I dont wanna to turn into this horrible/misersable person... please any input will be appreciate...thanks

[brice1967]

Sorry to hear about what you're going through.  I'm with the above posters in regards to beating yourself up.  That just isn't necessary.... you've taken too many other people out of the equation.  

It feels horrible to be taken advantage of, doesn't it?  You do what you can to make others feel comfortable, wanted, appreciated, loved, or do what you can to accommodate others, and when you're in need.... nobody's around.  That stinks!!!!  So many people are so under appreciative, and that's horribly sad.

In the first paragraph I mentioned that you've taken too many other people out of the equation.  What I meant be that is, you can only control you.  You can only be in charge of what you say and what you do.  Others are going to behave however they choose.....

You've got support from your husband, and that's awesome!  Keeping track of good deeds will almost always leave someone coming up short.  The thing about doing things for people is, you do them because you want too.  That's very giving....  But expecting others to be as giving as you isn't fair to you... Nobody else is you.  You're an original!!!  Comparing someone to you is doing you a disservice.  You DO because that is YOUR nature.

It is completely about another subject, but there is a book worth reading that might help you understand what I am trying to get at.  The book is called "The 5 Love Languages".  The book explains that there are basically 5 ways that we show affection.  You fall under the classification of "doing good deeds" (I think that is how the book names it).  I strongly suggest you read this book.  

I strongly suggest you read this book.  It turned on a lot of lights for me and I bet it can for you too.

Good luck....

[4Maddie44]

Hey don't beat yourself up about this.  You are not being selfish at all.  Time you were cared for and helped.  You look after yourself, and let the others look after themselves.

Have you been diagnosed with depression?  What you describe sounds a bit like me when I am low.  I find myself as a person I don't much like.  

I am glad your husband is supportive, and it is understandable that you could take some things out on him, because he is there.

Yes you take care of yourself.  Everyone here knows what you feel like, so keep coming here, and off load.  it will make you feel better.  You sound a really nice caring person.  You deserve to get help when you need it.

Take care, and keep in touch

[witheredrose]

Hi there, and welcome!!
I wouldnt call that being selfish! I agree with you, you probably are sick and tired of doing for everyone else, and then having everyones back turned when you need them. Its only fair to feel the way feel right now, and to be honest I cant blame you! Seems to me, like you ARE being taken advantage lf. And you feek youve been selfish? ABSOLUTELY NOT! You seem very loving and caring, and for people to take advantage of it is a shame! Shame on them! I know how it feels, might I add! No matter how nice I am to other kids at school they still seem to keep me on the outside, until they want something! Same with my sister, that seems to be the only time she is ever nice to me is when she wants something.
Point is, your NOT selfish! HUGS!