Do you ever?

[Belle313]

I'm not sure this post belongs in this forum. I apologize if it should of gone somewhere else.
I just need to be heard today. I feel so down about my current situation. I have serious health issues/ many surgeries and an extensive medical and infertility issues. I am a couple days shy of 17 weeks pregnant with a baby boy. GOD willing, this will be my second child (my daughter is 21 months). I knew, for me this would be difficult. I had so many complications with my daughter (we white knuckled it thru the entire pregnancy always thinking we were going to loose her just like our other pregnancies and I'm in the same boat again this time. The only difference is I am suspected to have an auto immune issue like RA which causes me pain on top of pain from multiple back surgeries.  I was told that would get better but it has actually gotten worse.  With the 10+ years it took to have our first child after tons of treatment including IVF.  I wouldn't trade either of my blessings for the world. Lately I've been feeling like I can't get thru this pregnancy. I feel like I've failed myself and family thinking I could do it. I don't consider myself a quitter and I know and would never want to quit on my baby boy but the feeling is just so overwhelming.... That feeling like I can't do this myself. I have no family or friend support systems, my parents and MIL su*ck. I try to be positive and worry about today but my mind has a way of creeping into the future to try and grasp the full picture of what's to come and how I might be able to handle it. My husband works long hours 6 days a week. He still doesn't really understand how much my world has changed once we had our daughter. I can honestly say with all I've been thru in my life her first year was the hardest I had ever endured in the 40 yrs I've been alive. I was exhausted like most new moms but I was also having anxiety attacks when I had to take her in public. I feel they stemmed from issues that happened when I was a teen. Nobody, not even my husband or closest friend seemed to understand. Our daughter was almost a month early & had a stay in the NICU. She couldn't keep formula down and she had to go thru withdrawals because of meds I had to take during pregnancy. Knowing this devastated me. I knew but wasn't fully prepared for that experience. Without a doubt she was/is worth every bit of worry and sleepless nights. I don't want to build resentment up towards this innocent baby I'm carrying. I just don't know how to cope with these overwhelming feelings that I did express to my husband before hand and was maybe stupid enough for not putting my foot down and saying I'm pretty sure I can't do this. I was thrilled to death we were blessed with a beautiful little girl. That was good enough for me.

I desperately need help changing the way I'm thinking about things lately.  I have been in tears all morning just feeling like a huge looser.  Any thoughts you can share are appreciated. I feel overwhelmed, stressed and like I'm not taken seriously by hubs.  I hate these feelings. I'm sorry to complain on what's supposed to be a happy cheery day.

[Belle313]

Personally, j will NOT use an AD (especially in pregnancy) because of the bad effects I've had with many. They were prescribed years ago and it took about a year off them just to begin to recognize my old self was slowly coming back.
The one and only I was taking (off for 3 years) was the only one I have ever been ok on. Stopping that med was brutal.  

I spoke to hubs NYE because I was having a difficult time. I'm hoping he may understand a little more now. I think he is a saint to put up with me when I'm having these sort of troubles. He also has depression and OCD issues.

Thank you all for listening, making suggestions and taking time out to help me. You are getting me to think more about the problem instead of dwelling on the issues causing the troubled feelings.

[Paxiled]

I would just warn, although it may seem the Celexa hasn't made any difference, there's no way to know that -- that child was born on an antidepressant and went through a withdrawal that the child wasn't able to tell anyone about.  It's always best to not take any AD when pregnant, it that's possible to do.

[Belle313]

Thank you for your reply. It is good to hear you had success with AD's in pregnancies. My cousin was on Celexa for both of her pregnancies. I have tried many AD's over the years and have have had horrible reactions to them. The one and only One I seem to tolerate is an older one and I've been off it for about 3 yrs I think? I can't take it while pregnant. Do you know what was triggering your depression? You don't have to answer that if you don't want to. I'm just wondering if it's 'normal' to be freaking out about wether I can keep up and be a good mom to my babies.  My worry is because of my physical limitations. I am a planner, a control freak and obsessive.
Thank you for your help!!

[Mamazaval]

I had terrible depression while pregnant with my second child. I safely took celexa under a doctor's care and had a full term daughter with no complications and my daughter is a totally normal 8 year old now.  The risks outweigh the benefits during pregnancy with depression.  Depression can cause distress with the baby and you and possibly go into labor early. Please talk to your doctor for you and the baby. There are antidepressants that are safe during pregnancy. I wish you the best

[Mamazaval]

I had terrible depression while pregnant with my second child. I safely took celexa under a doctor's care and had a full term daughter with no complications and my daughter is a totally normal 8 year old now.  The risks outweigh the benefits during pregnancy with depression.  Depression can cause distress with the baby and you and possibly go into labor early. Please talk to your doctor for you and the baby. There are antidepressants that are safe during pregnancy. I wish you the best

[Belle313]

I've entertained the thought. For some reason I tend to block out things I am emotionally not able to cope with. I am sure that isn't the proper way to deal with things. With my mind going a million different directions lately I'm not even sure I would make sense if I began to explain everything to someone. Thank you for taking the time to listen and reply. Thank you for planting that seed of getting outside help. Thank you for the compliment but, I'm not a tough nut at all. At least that's how I feel.

[Paxiled]

Ever seen a psychologist who can talk this out with you?  To me, you sound like a pretty tough nut -- to go through what you go through to get what you want is pretty impressive to this person.  After reading your post, from the outside of what you're thinking, I admire your toughness.  Why don't you?  That's the question.