Where do I turn?

[Kendal]

I just recently went through a divorce, met someone online who was fraudulant, lost thousands of dollars in the process. Now filing bankruptcy. Was just diagnosed with a Pituitary tumor & PSVT. My most recent PSVT episode resulted in fainting, so now im trying to deal w/that. Ive lost 83 lbs through gastric bypass surgery & now my eating is out of control. I still have 20 lbs to loose & I turn to food for comfort. It's particularly difficult in the evening's when im alone. I can't seem to quit eating. I don't want to get so out of control that I start gaining a lot of weight. Ive put on about 5 lbs in the past few weeks. All I think about is what my next meal will be & on the weekends, I like to bake. I buy a ton of grocery's, bake & then end up throwing a lot of food out because it sits & gets old.  Im pretty much a loner & feel so lonely & lost. I have nowhere to turn & now my son is out of the Army & living back at home w/me. He's very difficult to live with because he has had issue's for years, but wont go to counceling & he's 23, so I can't make him go. He dosen't actively look for work & doesn't do anything around the house i ask him to do.-But ive warned him that im moving out in Oct, when my lease is up..so he knows he has to find a job soon.   Im so depressed & feel so lost. Iv'e been thinking about drinking just to numb the pain. But I know this is not in my best interest. I almost wish I could just disappear, im not sure this life is worth living. I feel like im living in this dark cave w/no way out. I look in the mirror every day & don't like what I see. My hair is falling out still (mostly from the bypass surgery) Im not loosing tons of it, but it's so thinned out now. I can't think of anything positive in my life, other than Ive been corresponding w/a man on a dating website, who seems to be a really nice man, but we haven't met in person yet, so not 100% sure. Im afraid when he meets me, he wont like what he sees. Im not even sure im ready to date..but at the same time, no time is the "right" time. I keep thinking about the fraudulant man I almost met on another dating website & wonder if this is might turn out to be the same thing. I cancelled my membership, but then he sent me an email asking how I was & we've been writing to each other. Should I meet him? I told him I wasn't ready for dating, but then we emailed for awhile & I told him maybe I could give it a try. If this doesn't work out, I will hold off on dating for awhile, till I get my life straightened out. I just don't know what to do & what I have to look forward to anymore... can some help?

[mammo]

Hi, great news about your son!  I do hope he passes the test and can start putting his life back together.  I think it was important that you went on the date, whether you felt that spark or not.  You are learning to trust again and this is part of your healing right now.  I doubt that 30 minutes is enough time to feel anything, just play it by ear.  If you hear from him again fine, if not, fine.  You are focusing on yourself right now and need to get back to yourself.  Take it one day at a time so that you don't put undue stress on this process, be patient with yourself.  Keep that firm stance with your son, this is also moving forward for you.  I think you should be proud of the positives happening in your life and focus on those and not the past.  I love hearing from you so feel free to write me anytime!  Take care and keep going.......

[Kendal]

Hi Mammo...Well, my son got a job, which im so thrilled about! BUT, he has to pass the drug test & should get the results any day now, but he smoked pot 3 days prior, so not sure he will pass the test!! ugh! He bought one of those over the counter drug tests & it came back negative, so now it's just to wait & see. Needless to say, really stupid to be smoking pot & searching for a job! Anyway, my date went fine, but not sure I felt any spark. Not really sure if you can feel a "spark" when you only spend about 30 min w/someone...but either way, it's fine w/me. Right now im trying to focus on my health anyway.

[Kendal]

Thanks Mammo! I'll let you know how my date goes Tue:)

[mammo]

Yes, there are men on these internet dating sites that just sit and wait for women to come to them and then use them.  They are smooth talkers, and good at what they do, so don't beat yourself up anymore.  Don't waste another second on the past, you need to start living YOUR life, and finding true happiness.  You're doing the right thing with your son, I know it's hard, but this is how they learn.  If he has nobody helping him then he has no choice but to find work and become self-supporting.  We know he wants to keep his car and stereo, etc....he'll figure it out.  I think it's good to help him with his resume, we are older and know better how to do this.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel, you've just been really disappointed and feel a little hopeless.  But it's time to get busy doing the things you enjoy and have a social life.  Please let me know how your date goes, and remember......make sure he's up to YOUR standards.
Have fun and keep me posted!

[Kendal]

Thank you for the reply mammo...I agree, the internet is full of scammers like the one that I dealt with. I know he was working out of one of those internet cafe's over in Ghana & Im not the first & certainly wont be the last. Im just having a hard time getting over it & I can't believe he talked me out of so much money & that I fell for it! I met him on match.com & he called me every day & told me how much he cared for me. That his job would soon be done & I would get all my money back..yada yada yada! Anyway, your right, I need to not dwell on it anymore; what's done is done now. I talked w/my son & told him he had to be out of the house by 9am & that he had to have several applications turned in every day. I also just found out he got pulled over the other night because his new stereo system was too loud & come to find out, his auto insurance just expired! ugh!! SO, now he can't drive his car. But maybe this is a good thing; maybe this will be important enough for him to try harder to find a job. I refuse to loan him any money, he's going to have to go out & look for work. I did however tell him that I will help him with a resume'..but i wont pay for his auto insurance, car payment or cell phone bill..he's on his own with that. If he's stupid enough to buy a car alarm & stereo system as soon as he gets out of the military & isn't working, then he's up a creek w/o a paddle! He's just not thinking! My God, if it were me, I would have saved my money when I was in Iraq for an entire year. He spent the entire income he made on junk that he didn't need! and now he's paying for it. He's always been terrible w/money..not sure why as ive always tried to teach him how to handle it. I think he might be Bipolar, which explains the spending spree's..but again, he wont go to counceling, so not much i can do now that he's 23. Got its hard being a parent, especially when there's no father in the picture. Im going to take your advise & try to focus on me & rebuild my life as you say. were only here for a short while, we need to make the best of it. I certainly learned that w/the death of my first husband...im sure he's getting a chuckle out of all of this! I have a date next week! I'll let you know how it goes...surely there must be a light at the end of the tunnel....

[sodapop915]

ok girlfriend yes u been through hell n bac like alot of women time to get bac on track no need 2  kill yourself with food no get your *** bac in the race god hav u here 4 a reason  start redining u later 4 your son he is 23 time 4 momma now keep your head uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup